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  #11  
Old 07-03-2013, 06:44 PM
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I have never been with a guy that is so overprotective. I've lived in small town America all of my life. I remember being little and in the summer time we would sleep on a pallet in the floor in front of the screen door. I've always loved the doors and windows open when the weather is nice and especially sleeping on cool nights with a box fan in the windows. But it seems like those days are over with and I'm sorry to see them go.

Bob worries about me all of the time. I understand that times have changed and that violence is more prevalent but I don't like being shut up all the time. Keith is a city boy that never learned to like turning the AC off at all. So I'm forced to adjust to feeling imprisoned. I appreciate the concern, I love that I am loved enough that someone would be concerned about my well being. I admit that I've never had that before. But I just can't believe that I'm not safe in my own home in a town with less than 800 ppl in it (most of those are elderly) In any case, its one more adjustment to put his mind at ease. Its part of the way that he shows he cares.
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  #12  
Old 07-05-2013, 03:46 AM
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Needless to say today did not go near as well as I had hoped. My daughter actually made an effort but it was Bob this time that didn't. He kept his distance and stayed away most of the day and then didn't go to see the fireworks with me and Keith. I know he feels like he's intruding when my family is around, which is not the case at all. I always stress this too him but it never seems to make any difference. Was just saddened by how it all went. I had high hopes for a good day and should have known better.
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  #13  
Old 07-06-2013, 02:32 PM
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Am glad to say that things have gotten much better since my last post. Me and Bob had a long talk about everything that happened. He apologized and said that he had his priorities wrong and I promised that I wouldn't make him feel obligated to do something that he didn't want to do. It was wrong of me to expect him to just drop everything as well as do something that he didn't feel comfortable doing. And he said that he should have taken time out because these opportunities don't come around very often.

The three of us (Bob, Keith, and I) all went to the movies last night. I sat in the middle and held both their hands during the movie. It was a nice night and all went well.

Sometimes there will be misunderstandings, nothing is perfect but its the way you deal with these times that can make relationships stronger.
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  #14  
Old 07-07-2013, 08:09 PM
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Well last night was a fiasco. I think this entire holiday weekend has just been a catastrophe. I would like a do-over please.

Me and Bob ended up going to a tractor pull last night (which was fun btw) We hadn't intended to go but we went to the fair and ended up staying. We didn't stay for all of it but it was rather late when we got home. Needless to say Keith wasn't happy. Said we were flaunting our relationship in front of people because Bob new some ppl there. I'm sure a lot of it is because we were gone so long and he feels like hes not being included. I promised to do better and try to invite him to go with us. We always invite Bob to go places with us but it seems like Keith always gets left behind. That's wrong and we shouldn't exclude him like that. He was upset last night and said if it didn't change he was gonna want out. I hope it doesn't come to that. I don't want things to change. However, he seems much better today. Maybe it will all settle down and blow over.
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  #15  
Old 07-09-2013, 01:20 PM
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Am happy to say that things are better. After Keith cooled off he's been trying to make things better between us. He's been trying to be more affectionate. Am happy to see this change, he's always been a bit standoffish, not very affectionate. I know he loves me and cares about me but not one to want to snuggle and cuddle. That's Bob, he loves to snuggle and touch and I love that.

Bob has been hinting around that someday he is gonna want it to be just me and him. That he's gonna want us to be married and not poly. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I certainly don't want to hurt Keith. He's always so good and supportive when I have had breakups and problems with other relationships in my life. And I love and care about him too. And I feel like the both of them balance my life. Bob is the outgoing, fun affectionate one. And Keith is down to earth, solid serious part. I don't know if I really want one without the other.
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  #16  
Old 07-10-2013, 01:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bookworm View Post
Am happy to say that things are better. After Keith cooled off he's been trying to make things better between us. He's been trying to be more affectionate. Am happy to see this change, he's always been a bit standoffish, not very affectionate. I know he loves me and cares about me but not one to want to snuggle and cuddle. That's Bob, he loves to snuggle and touch and I love that.

Bob has been hinting around that someday he is gonna want it to be just me and him. That he's gonna want us to be married and not poly. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I certainly don't want to hurt Keith. He's always so good and supportive when I have had breakups and problems with other relationships in my life. And I love and care about him too. And I feel like the both of them balance my life. Bob is the outgoing, fun affectionate one. And Keith is down to earth, solid serious part. I don't know if I really want one without the other.
Bob might be hinting to see if there's interest on your part in the same. If you want them both, it might help to re-establish how much you care about them both and wouldn't want to be without either one. Bob might need the occasional reminder of those shared feelings for both of them. Just a thought.
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  #17  
Old 07-10-2013, 06:42 PM
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That's a very good point. I will try to make sure that he understands that I want things to be like they are. He doesn't need to feel threatened by my other relationship. It helps the he and Keith are good friends. They often hang out when I'm not able to be home. I don't really think he would want to disrupt that friendship. Maybe he just wants to se see where I really stand?
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  #18  
Old 07-11-2013, 01:49 PM
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I've been trying to get Keith to think about having another person in his life. I feel like I'm being selfish because I have both him and Bob and he has to be alone when I'm out with Bob. But he just doesn't seem to be interested. He says that another girl would only bring too much drama and he's not interested. So I said what about a guy? And while I think he's intrigued by the idea of a long term bf I think he worries about what others think. (If you've been reading you know this is a big issue with him.) He doesn't think it would stay quiet if he was hanging out with a guy all the time but I don't think so because after all we live together. But his argument is that he can't find someone. I tell him that he won't ever if he doesn't look. Maybe I should just quit trying to push the issue and let him decide what he wishes to do.
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  #19  
Old 07-11-2013, 03:57 PM
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Quote:
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I feel like I'm being selfish because I have both him and Bob and he has to be alone when I'm out with Bob.
Why is he sitting home alone when you are out? Doesn't he have friends? Hobbies? Any classes he'd like to take? Fun stuff happening where you live? He doesn't have to get a gf or bf just to stay occupied and have a rich life when you're not there.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #20  
Old 07-11-2013, 04:38 PM
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Just speaking from our experience here, but Lin loves to be home alone. Does Keith actually feel alone or are you just projecting your own feelings here? I am asking, because I tend to do just that, because I love to have company most of the time and can't always comprehend how being alone can be just fine for him
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