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  #21  
Old 06-26-2013, 12:40 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Focus on today, don't worry about poly or no poly. Right now it is moot. What matters is re-stabilizing yourself and your daughter.

The midst of a high emotional time is not the time to figure out what sort of dating arrangement you want in the future.
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  #22  
Old 06-26-2013, 12:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Adding more people to a relationship already on shaky ground usually ends badly.
I once wrote an entry about the logistics of duct tape and relationships.
Here's the ghist using a canoe to represent the relationship:

Canoe gets a crack. Do you
A) layer on the duct tape or
B) spend the countless meticulous hours slathering the crack with polymer and fibreglass then buffing, sanding and buffing and sanding some more?

Personally, I'll always pick the messyness of correction not the quickness of a patch. By adding people to hurting equations it's just, therefore, adding a more sparse field to spread the issue over. When stretched enough a spiders web with tear and break.

Moral of the story?
Leave the duct tape to the quick headlight fix and spend the time correcting relationships! They are certainly not a dime a dozen,at least not where I live...
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  #23  
Old 06-26-2013, 07:17 AM
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Originally Posted by nancyfore View Post
Huh?????

That sounds a bit harsh, don't you think? If you have an issue with "some on here" do you not think it should be taken up with them in private? and not put it here on this thread.
I'm at a loss as to why I am quoted in that message, I have never referred to strength of love, I'm thinking that this might be a mistaken quote?
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  #24  
Old 06-26-2013, 08:47 AM
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Aery Aery is offline
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Fair.... it was a pretty byzantine post., though not all so incomprehensible. Will parse it out better tomorrow, Marcus. It's late, and I'm pretty spent for the day, and only just read your response to me. I was attempting to respond to the gut reaction to Z's situation, like Boring-guy's and others who felt sickly reading Z's post. Whatever, it violated agreements, even social contract. As well I was expressing how Z's almost calm post felt a bit unreal, twice removed... And I wondered to myself other things, like about the intentions/actions of this other fellow? Was he roping the stray? If people don't care about honor, then I suppose they won't. Also saying nothing good comes of putting it exclusively on her as the only culpable one here.I didn't hear Z say he may have no little part in the relationship's symptomatic problem's here). Again, often as not we are unconscious of such weak spots, unless and until you've suffered through and integrated that you were blithely basing things on shaky assumptions.

To all this I also had a reaction to your response, as much as projecting at him that he was a manipulative controller, and several other things that you seem to gather from flimsiest evindence.... I'll discuss it with you at my best convenience to hash it out (as I anticipated your umbrage at my saying "character assassination." I will say, I hadn't read other posts from you before, that I recall in any way, I neither knew you or your usual style or contents of other interactions,,, Nor am I aware of other dynamics since you have a long, established reputation here... just so, it's without previous prejudicial intention I was pointing out my feelings that I might expect a better show. You may be a fount of deep insights, even. I have over 25 years psych counseling exxperience, Still I have my admitted stupidities, and sometimes can over-react or have a jaundiced eye comes to some stuff and bother.

We may even find agreements, and you may find a target, if you shoot a little lower than you did at Zappafreak
... as I ride a Shetland Pony. Jerome Aerdrigh
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  #25  
Old 06-26-2013, 01:32 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Default 25 years of psych counseling experience

You are in the right place. Your services are required on this forum.

Do your thing. I'll watch.
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  #26  
Old 06-26-2013, 04:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aery View Post
To all this I also had a reaction to your response, as much as projecting at him that he was a manipulative controller
I can only assume that you are referring to this comment:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Your biggest concern over how much time she spends with this guy is how much time she's spending with your daughter? Do you feel like this is entirely honest?

I ask, because it sounds like total bullshit to me, and that you are trying to find an excuse for your attempt to control her actions.
It sounds like bullshit so I called bullshit. He was attempting to control her actions by limiting how she could spend her time with her boyfriend and was using the kid as justification. Maybe I am incorrect but that remains to be seen.

I never made any mention of his being manipulative, you're reaching.

Is this what you think character assassination looks like? A deliberate and sustained process that aims to destroy the credibility and reputation of a person... that's what you see here? Making a judgment call based on what is presented hardly qualifies as character assassination, Aery. I'm not sure what your goal is here but unless you actually have something valid to say to me why don't you leave me out of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aery View Post
Nor am I aware of other dynamics since you have a long, established reputation here... just so, it's without previous prejudicial intention I was pointing out my feelings that I might expect a better show. You may be a fount of deep insights, even
Uh huh. I'm not searching for validation from you Aery, you called me out so I was trying to figure out why. It seems clear enough that you are reading something into what I wrote that isn't there, which is your issue to deal with. Use some of your impressive experience as a head shrink to figure it out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aery View Post
We may even find agreements, and you may find a target, if you shoot a little lower than you did at Zappafreak
... as I ride a Shetland Pony. Jerome Aerdrigh
Again, I have exactly no idea what you are saying.
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Last edited by Marcus; 06-26-2013 at 04:22 PM.
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  #27  
Old 06-26-2013, 07:23 PM
SEcondary SEcondary is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nancyfore View Post
Huh?????

That sounds a bit harsh, don't you think? If you have an issue with "some on here" do you not think it should be taken up with them in private? and not put it here on this thread.
Harsh. No. Just stating what a few on here believe. They can say what they like. Free country. I'm here to learn. Don't you think the husband would like to know that her boyfriend can't possibly love his wife more than he does?
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  #28  
Old 06-26-2013, 07:41 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by SEcondary View Post
Harsh. No. Just stating what a few on here believe. They can say what they like. Free country. I'm here to learn. Don't you think the husband would like to know that her boyfriend can't possibly love his wife more than he does?


How about stating what YOU believe instead of what others "on here" believe? Besides, i don't think anyone ever said

Quote:
her new guy can't love her more than you. Love is always the same strength.
Who said "can't" and "always"? Where? I think you are imagining things, but go ahead and prove me wrong if you can.
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  #29  
Old 06-26-2013, 10:10 PM
SEcondary SEcondary is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
How about stating what YOU believe instead of what others "on here" believe? Besides, i don't think anyone ever said



Who said "can't" and "always"? Where? I think you are imagining things, but go ahead and prove me wrong if you can.
Check out Equal Love. page 2 in polymory.com I had the conversation with them. You did not. I believe just the opposite. It happens all the time. I could probably love another woman more than my wife and the other way around. Never been on a forum were people react like this. Go read the other post and pull your head out of your @%&.
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  #30  
Old 06-26-2013, 10:44 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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SEcondary, we were saying what OUR experiences were, and what it is like FOR US when we love someone. No one said it was a rule that everyone else had to follow, nor that it is impossible to love more or less, even if several of us could not fathom quantifying love. Some other people said it did make sense, but those of us who said that the concept of loving in amounts doesn't make sense FOR US were simply stating our subjective opinions, nothing more. Obviously, you took issue with others having different opinions on love than you have, but bringing it up here is not relevant to this topic! Why are you going on about that on a thread where the OP is in pain over a break-up?
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Last edited by nycindie; 06-26-2013 at 10:46 PM.
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