Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 06-23-2013, 02:22 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,640
Default

Quote:
Although I'm starting to agree more with Boring Guy's family of not wearing rings/symbols of marriage/commitment at all; currently I feel maxed out on romantic relationships so I appreciate that in our society the rings symbolize unavailability.
Oh neat, you read that somewhere else already and remembered it. I am wickedly impressed in a good way when people do that. When people are able to take something that was true yesterday and recall it today. It may not still be true today (in this case though it is), but so often do people not retain things beyond a minute or so at best.

So, "you're welcome" i guess but i request that you not refer to my combination of partners as a "family". S and i are "next of kin" legally, but other than that we are just individuals who happen to be in love-relationships. I know you meant it respectfully, but i don't do the "poly family" thang.

That said, we still don't have rings, and even just today i was asked "are you MARRIED?" in that quizzical emphasis way where they are like, "i know you SAID you were married a long time ago but are you LEGALLY married or just married in spirit" (like a handfasting without paperwork). And i'm like no... We've been legally married for 10 years...

It's because they don't see rings.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-23-2013, 05:42 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083
Default

FWIW, I'm pretty sure that in Germany a wedding band is worn on the right hand. It's probably safe to say that's likely the case in at least a few other countries as well. Americans always think our way is THE way, and that anything else is unusual, which makes me laugh.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-23-2013, 05:46 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Lots of Muslims wear it on their right hand. It might be that culturally, lots of predominately Muslim countries wear it on their right hand target than a religious thing.

I'd wear a symbol of commitment if anyone i'm committed to. No big deal. Wouldn't care if my partner did either.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-23-2013, 05:47 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,640
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
FWIW, I'm pretty sure that in Germany a wedding band is worn on the right hand. It's probably safe to say that's likely the case in at least a few other countries as well. Americans always think our way is THE way, and that anything else is unusual, which makes me laugh.


But we won and they lost; get over it? No?
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-23-2013, 07:30 AM
Delphinius Delphinius is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: The Great Northwet
Posts: 36
Default

BG,

The perspective you add to threads is often abrasive, thought provoking and/or entertaining.

Also it's been noted by you how words have particular meanings and you don't appreciate changing definitions of them so apologies for using family in apparently only my definition of people one loves and/or involves significantly in ones life: married, friends or relations born into (obviously not a Miriam Webster definition)

However, thank you for providing me the opportunity to say please dont stop posting on the forum even though your partner currently has no other partner!!

You comments are straight forward & challenging and even though you won't appreciate, this I channelled your 'don't give a shit what anybody thinks' attitude during some of my tougher times. (Like 10 yr BFFs being hypocritically judgemental about my poly lifestyle.)

OK, now I'm bracing ready for more 'neat' comments: just as long as you keep offering your insight, comments, perspective and unaltering reality to soft hearted pollyannas like me:-p
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 06-23-2013, 07:49 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,640
Default Moar fan mail? Or dessert topping?

Hmmm... I am becoming popular or something that closely mimics that state. I heard about this from others. I am not sure if i am a suitable example. I have no LLC in place, and no agent to book my appointments.

Yes you are right, i do indeed have "family". As i explained, i am just not one of those "poly family" type people.

That said, why would you think i wouldn't appreciate you "channeling" me? Until the implant is able to interface with the secure-shell network, anybody can channel anyone they want, not just dead people. Unfortunately, once the protocols are tweaked, it will most likely lose range and signal strength. It always seems to be a compromise to try to find the ideal balance between speed, resolution, and data recovery.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-23-2013, 08:27 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default I can answer from the other boyfriend's position

You can be best friends with your wife's boyfriend, and it doesn't matter what the reason is that you may be bothered by a ring that symbolizes anything great or small in it's meaning. Hopefully he will respect that it bothers you, and hopefully you are willing to talk with him about it because it will without any doubt solve the dilemma if you all respect each other enough to be honest.

From what little I've read of your situation, it sounds like you may have found someone who you and your wife can take something as complicated as having multiple intimate relationships become a series of events which are very, very simple and succesful

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 06-23-2013 at 09:03 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 06-23-2013, 08:49 AM
Phy's Avatar
Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
FWIW, I'm pretty sure that in Germany a wedding band is worn on the right hand. It's probably safe to say that's likely the case in at least a few other countries
Indeed, we (Germans)wear the engagement ring on the left ring finger and switch it to the right one as soon as we get married.

To answer the orignal question: I wear two rings. The wedding band on the right side and a partner ring on the left. There was no real discussion, we got those rings some months after Lin moved in. I see those rings as something we share with a partner, just a piece of metal that is similar to the one my partner also has. I don't like jewellery that much, therefore those rings are more of symbolic than decorating nature.

I never thought of them as a sign of ownership though. Sward wasn't surprised when I wore the second ring and he never mentioned it in a negative way. I didn't talk to him beforehand about it because that was part of my relationship with Lin.
__________________
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 06-24-2013, 09:10 AM
calypsoblu calypsoblu is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Gold Canyon, Arizona
Posts: 45
Default

I wear my engagement and wedding ring (traditional wedding set) frm my husband on my left ring finger, and another ring my OSO gave me on my right ring finger.
Husband knew before me tht OSO was getting me the ring. Both are not concerned bout the others sign of commitment.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 07-16-2013, 04:06 AM
TRBG TRBG is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern NH, USA
Posts: 73
Default

I'm in the same boat as Boring Guy in that my wife and I are legally married but never got into jewelry. As a joke when I first started seeing a new girlfriend who I ended up being with for a while I got her a ring out of a gumball machine. She kept it for a while and got mad at herself when she lost it (not sure if I remember correctly but I think it broke when she smacked her hand against a car window or something. At least that's the story she told me. She may have pawned it). For the gf and I the ring wasn't a symbol of commitment, it was a playful joke. "If you really loved me you would have gotten me the little car thingy."
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:47 AM.