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Old 06-22-2013, 11:57 AM
JustUs JustUs is offline
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Default Ring from Boyfriend

This question is posed primarily to other men whose wife has a boyfriend or OSO. But opinions and thoughts are welcome from anyone, of course.
A question my wife asked me the other day made me wonder how I would really feel about this...
"How would you feel if F gave me a ring...one to wear on my other ring finger?"

And I was not really sure how I felt about that...The ring of course would not replace our wedding ring on her ring finger, but would be on the other hand. I think it would be more of a symbol of commitment, more than just a piece of jewelry.

Now, they are in a relationship, which I have always been good with, and he and I get along like best friends, so its not the relationship that bothers me ("bothers" is not the right word, but....) and I am not even sure if the ring would bother me....but not sure about that either....

Any thoughts from others?
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Old 06-22-2013, 03:12 PM
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BigGuy BigGuy is offline
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Shiela has received one in the past from another boyfriend. Doesn't really bother me.
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Old 06-22-2013, 03:29 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustUs View Post
"How would you feel if F gave me a ring...one to wear on my other ring finger?"
How does bf feel about her wearing a ring that you gave her? How would you feel about her deciding she didn't want to wear any commitment rings at all? What exactly is the significance of her wearing these rings?

To me, a ring (within the context of this conversation) is an external gesture of ownership. If IV decided she wanted to wear this type of ring from CV (not that she ever would) I would need to reassess our relationship immediately. However, I don't take part in hierarchical relationships where there are primary/secondary rankings so this type of symbol of ownership is not relevant.
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Old 06-22-2013, 03:51 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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You could respond to wife with "I am not sure how I would feel about that. I would need time to sort it out.

What does the ring symbolize for YOU? Commitment? Co-primaryship? Affection? Happy birthday?"

Perhaps knowing how she feels about it could help you define/articulate how you feel about it and about seeing her with it.

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Old 06-22-2013, 11:55 PM
Delphinius Delphinius is offline
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Default two rings same finger

You're right, it's about the significance of the symbol and the placement of it. Seems you are uneasy about it by saying that "it wouldn't replace our wedding ring". (much appreciated Marcus' query about how OSO feels about the current ring)

Perhaps you can be grateful she'll wear it on her right hand if/when one is offered.

I wear two gold bands both on the ring finger of my left hand, one from each of my husbands. Not replacing one, but yes, an additional commitment symbol.

Although I'm starting to agree more with Boring Guy's family of not wearing rings/symbols of marriage/commitment at all; currently I feel maxed out on romantic relationships so I appreciate that in our society the rings symbolize unavailability.

And yes, it probably was a little adjustment for my first husband however he knew the life long commitment with "other husband" was already fact so this was just another 'version/symbol' of what he already knew was in place.
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Old 06-23-2013, 01:04 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustUs View Post
This question is posed primarily to other men whose wife has a boyfriend or OSO. But opinions and thoughts are welcome from anyone, of course.
A question my wife asked me the other day made me wonder how I would really feel about this...
"How would you feel if F gave me a ring...one to wear on my other ring finger?"

And I was not really sure how I felt about that...The ring of course would not replace our wedding ring on her ring finger, but would be on the other hand. I think it would be more of a symbol of commitment, more than just a piece of jewelry.

Now, they are in a relationship, which I have always been good with, and he and I get along like best friends, so its not the relationship that bothers me ("bothers" is not the right word, but....) and I am not even sure if the ring would bother me....but not sure about that either....

Any thoughts from others?
Does it have to be heterosexual? My girlfriend wants to give me a ring that has the poly symbol inscribed on it. I haven't checked with my husband, but it's my finger and I'll wear a ring on it if I want to. I can't imagine him being threatened by a band of metal.

But your feelings are not my husband's so I'm not sure why you care what he would think. My husband almost never even wears his own ring. He's in a physical, dangerous industry and it could be hazardous to wear it, and then he usually forgets to put it back on afterwards.
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Old 06-23-2013, 01:15 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I read somewhere that there was another country that had previously done wedding rings on the right finger (can't recall when/where I read it-it's been years).

But-anyway,
I wear a ring on my left ring finger from my husband of 14 years and a ring on my right finger from my boyfriend of 20 years.

I honestly-didn't ask either how they felt about it. It felt right to me-and they are my hands. I figure, it's much like they say in sex ed;
if you can't put your hands there, you shouldn't put your penis there-
well if you have approved us having a full relationship-then it shouldn't matter that I have a symbol signifying that relationship.

At any rate-I personally don't care.
I also have a tattoo of one's name on my right hip and the other name on my left hip. Shrug.
These are forever relationships for me-both of them. It's not a secret, no closets here-so no reason not to acknowledge.

Both guys wear rings from me as well. Neither of them have had a girlfriend give them a ring-Maca had a gf who gave him a necklace and he wore that until they broke up. Shrug-again-not a problem.
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Old 06-23-2013, 01:18 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I read somewhere that there was another country that had previously done wedding rings on the right finger (can't recall when/where I read it-it's been years).
That's also done in the gay community. My queer-identifying gf wears her wedding ring on her right hand, engagement ring on her left because she's got tiny hands and two rings on one finger would be bulky.
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Old 06-23-2013, 01:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I read somewhere that there was another country that had previously done wedding rings on the right finger (can't recall when/where I read it-it's been years).
Greek, I believe. I knew a girl in college who wore her engagement ring on her right finger, until all the questions and "help" from folks asking her why her ring was on the "wrong" finger aggravated her enough to switch. I thought it was a shame that she did.
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Old 06-23-2013, 01:36 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Interesting conversation...I'm glad someone brought it up again.

I am legally married to MrS - we just had our 17 year wedding anniversary (21 years together). I wear a traditional engagement ring and wedding band on the ring finger of my left hand (most of the time, I'm not hard-core about it - it sometimes gets left off for practical reasons). He has a wedding band tattoo'd on his left ring finger.

The other day (after reading one of the related threads here) I asked him how he would respond if some day Dude wanted to offer me a ring for my other hand. His response was that, IF that day should come, then that would be an appropriate symbol of our commitment...but that he didn't think we were at that point yet, and not to rush into things. (He understands how I feel about commitments of this sort......this would be SERIOUS heart bonding time - he is right, Dude and I aren't at that point, and may never be, I was "what-iffing"...)

It should be noted at this point that sexual exclusivity was NEVER part of what MrS and I promised to each other when we got married. We have our own ideas about what marriage and commitment means - and THAT is what we promised with our vows. If I were to accept that sort of symbol from Dude, legal marriage or not, from my standpoint that would be the same level of commitment as my marriage to MrS. NOT a thing to be undertaken lightly...)

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