Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 06-20-2013, 05:13 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,188
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MZTERY View Post
We seldomly have sex in our bed and that feels stupid, annoying, and childish! I am a grown woman, with kids, a man at home and I have to f*ck him in the bathroom or the fouton so we don't "distrb" others that are there or just to be alone together...either way its retarded to me! It shouldn't have to be this way.
He gets away with this because you put up with it. Why? Of course, it's ridiculous. No sane person would agree to fucking only in the bathroom when you really want to fuck in your own bedroom. So, why do you put up with his bullshit? Is he your boss?

Doesn't matter that they are disturbed by the sounds of him fucking you - it's your house and it's up to them to do what they need to in order to occupy themselves so that they don't hear what's going on. They're idiots for getting into this situation, anyway, if they can't handle the fact that he fucks you too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MZTERY View Post
NYcindie what you asked here -"The more important issue, as I see it, is the children and the fact that he wants to father more with these other chicks. What's that about? Spreading his seed? Weird" is exactly what it is! He says that he wants to keep his blood line going and he believes that these girls have the capacity of procreating with him strong, intellingent, talented children as OURS so that his "strong" genes continue to spread. He is fixated on the idea that where we live is like a den and he is the lion and we are the lionesses in the cave breeding for him. He also does not want any of us to go outside the relationship as long as we are living under HIS roof! So therefore going to another boyfriend would be a no-no to him! That makes me feel like he is NOT polyamory at all just a guy how wanted to bang us all and have us all under one roof too.
This is a fetish. He is fetishizing human relationships. There are guys into "forced pregnancy" and they get off on fathering children - but that is one of the most horrific and abhorrent reasons to bring new life into the world.

Seriously, this is insanity. Your partner is one sick motherfucker, unfortunately. You are exposing your children to behavior that will teach them that women are worthless if not breeding for a man. Take your children and get out now. Devise an escape plan and find a safe place to stay where he won't find you. Go to your employer and ask for help, go to a shelter to hide, anything to get outta there. This is not a joke.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MZTERY View Post
When he talKs about our kids he expresses how much he can't wait til they are older so that he no longer has to take care of them. He talk about travelling the world and doing just so much as a free spirit as he calls himself. He is not a bad father . . . he feels and tells us that he is a better man than anyone else we would find on our own. That all other men would play us out and lie to us all the time. Making him feel more powerful to breed more with multiple women.

BTW he also says that each of us are easily replacable and that it would be nothing for him to kick me out with the kids or any of them. That he is not with me for the kids and that he doesn't need any of us he WANTS to be with us.
Mztery, you have serious self-esteem issues if you have endured this for so long. Even the most intelligent women wind up in situations like this because they lack self-esteem. Remember Hedda Nussbaum. You need help, too. TAKE YOUR CHILDREN AND GET OUT NOW!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 06-20-2013 at 05:39 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-20-2013, 05:18 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 364
Default

I agree whole heartedly with nycindie, this doesnt sound healthy, unless you were happy with his situation and WANTED to be a "kept lioness". My V has run into some issues, whis his wife, or my spouse, but the thing is we all TALK and everyones needs are highly considered.
__________________
keep on keeping on
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-20-2013, 05:21 PM
MZTERY MZTERY is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 17
Default

Natja I was describing to Marcus what I would have designed it to be from the start if it would have been up to me...as he had asked. I wouldn't add any more people to this home at all the way it is! And I agree I do have to work on the intimacy and I am well aware at thi point that what was "sold" to me is not what it is.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-20-2013, 05:31 PM
BlackUnicorn's Avatar
BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906
Default

Agreeing with NYCindie. Your partner is a very unstable, unhealthy individual. I am amazed you haven't figured this out already.
__________________
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-20-2013, 05:32 PM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 822
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MZTERY View Post
And I agree I do have to work on the intimacy and I am well aware at thi point that what was "sold" to me is not what it is.
So by saying that are you indicating that you have no intention of leaving such a situation?

*sigh* I don't think anyone can help you then.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 06-20-2013, 05:44 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Good luck "working on your intimacy" with this misogynistic, chauvinistic, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-You-Mary-You-Lisa-You-Heather-You-wait-your-turn-in-the-bathroom-i'll-get-with-you-later-maybe-you-already-have-two-of-my-fuck-trophies-what-more-do-you-want-woman-stop-me-somebody-i-have-other-things-to-do-today
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-20-2013, 05:47 PM
MZTERY MZTERY is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 17
Default

NYcindie you have made me feel like I really need to be careful now more than before. I knew that his mannerisms had to be an issue and the way he goes about the relationship and treating the other girls is pretty harsh. I feel terrible the times he yells at them when they do something wrong like drink his water (like yesterday) or msplace his things. It sounds awful and he does not speak to me like that at all! He tries to and has gotten somewhat loud and obnoxious but not to the extent he does with them. He def controls them more than me as sad as that sounds and its more than obvious. For you first question why I put up with it with the whole bedroom situation, well I have because it is the only way I have personal time with him. I don't schedule time with him at all I just go about my day and night and let it be when the time comes for us to be alone together. I know that is wrong adn silly for this type of lifestyle but I really don't like the idea of scheduled attention. To me love is so natural that I don't see how it can be controlled and feel genuine and pure at the same time

I don't know who Hedda is (will look up) and wow the "forced pregnancy" fetish almost sounds too on point for him! Our kids where never planned at all. They happened naturally as a blessing from God. He tells people that we did plan them and that he feels planned pregnancies are better and the parents last longer..I think this is BS to make himself and the other girls feel better about this whole arrangement. He use to be all about the family and bond we had and our kids were a big deal for him, but as of late it just seems like it is more of a negotiation/work/whatever you feel me??

BTW he also says it is in his bllod to be a PIMP because of who his parents were...which he never met because his mother died (killed) and his father(bio) was never around. He was raised by his dad(apotive) that married several times and said he loved them all(plus cheated alot) so he says he grew up seeing it was possible to love more than one woman. Plus he slept with more than one girl as a young teen/older teen and the girls would know, have orgys, blah and so another reason why he believes he can make this work and being polyamory was always a part of him.

He also says that since we have been living together for 6 mos that he doesn't see why this wouldn't work :/
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 06-20-2013, 05:56 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 869
Default

Pause. Flag on the play. Run the clock back. This chap said it is in his blood to be a pimp? What the hell? That caught my attention, and I had to comment. I mirror the previous thoughts, so no need to be redundant. Your relationship has deeper issues than intimacy and lack of sex. He sounds abusive. Yelling at somebody because they were drinking "his" water? Wanting to spread his seed and increase the population? Forced pregnancy is not cute, and the other women he are involved with must have low self-esteem and no self-worth. Get yourself and your children out of this crazy ass situation.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 06-20-2013, 05:56 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MZTERY View Post
he yells at them when they do something wrong like drink his water
Well you know, they should have known better. You do NOT drink the Man's water. They should be glad they are allowed breathe the same air as the Man.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 06-20-2013, 06:03 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,188
Default

Hedda Nussbaum was an intelligent, accomplished woman who eventually became a frightened shell of her former self after suffering emotional and physical abuse at the hands of her live-in boyfriend Joel Steinberg. Their adopted daughter Lisa died of blunt force trauma, after Joel Steinberg beat her and Nussbaum did nothing to save her. At first, they charged Nussbaum with the child's death until it was discovered that she was also suffering from malnourishment, broken ribs, and neglect. It was determined that she had been abused, controlled, and restricted by Joel Steinberg, and Nussbaum felt powerless or not allowed to help Lisa as she lay dying.

She was a smart woman, successful, together, and she became a wreck and a recluse, and a child died because she let Joel Steinberg run her life.

While your partner may not be beating you, he is abusive. You are putting your children at risk by continuing to accept this man's treatment of you. You need to boost your self-esteem and start looking at the stark reality of the situation you're in.

Stop making excuses for him and GET OUT NOW.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 06-20-2013 at 06:09 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:08 AM.