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  #41  
Old 06-21-2013, 09:26 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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It's a bit harder to live together, and harder still when she doesn't have anywhere to go yet. Being around someone constantly and trying not to let a single affectionate gesture get through is a little tough...


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I've tried breaking up with her, and it just doesn't take. I just get guilt trips about leaving her alone when she's feeling bad, or she didn't get to spend enough time with her dog (dog lives with me because her hip displaysia and arthritis make the stairs to the g/f's apartment too difficult.) Eventually she works her way back in, I try to act like her friend, she cuddles up to me and keeps my hopes up... and the cycle repeats.

Does she live with you, or does she live with you not?

Which one is it?
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  #42  
Old 06-21-2013, 09:27 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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It's a bit harder to live together, and harder still when she doesn't have anywhere to go yet.
I trust that you don't live on Mercury, and that there are "apartment complexes" on your Earthly habitat.

Where did she live before she started living with you? I'm always a little baffled by this excuse because it's not like your partner just came out of the womb and there you were to catch them - they were fully functional human beings before they met you, why can't they do that now?

Do what you want, I'm just advising against letting an excuse pose as reason.
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  #43  
Old 06-21-2013, 09:30 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Marcus, the OP can't even figure out IF she lives there. The only thing that is for sure is that her DOG lives with him and she visits the dog. The dog is the excuse-reason.
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  #44  
Old 06-21-2013, 09:31 PM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
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Does she live with you, or does she live with you not?

Which one is it?
This week is making me wonder if this board IS made up entirely of accounts run by Franklin Veaux
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  #45  
Old 06-21-2013, 09:32 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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This week is making me wonder if this board IS made up of entirely of accounts run by Franklin Veaux
Franklin would do a much better job at this i am guessing.
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  #46  
Old 06-21-2013, 09:47 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Also, I actually did tell her I'd be just friends... a week and a half later she got upset when I went out with one of my old college buddies, because she was afraid I might be hitting on women. It actually does take two people to let go of a relationship...
No this is just wrong. OP I rarely say things like that because most of the time there is no wrong way - better maybe, or less good but not 'wrong'. It only takes one person to break up.

I understand you want her to be ok. Give her money for a month's rent.
Or you move out and she has a month to find a roommate. Does she have parents? Any friends at all? Do you have parents or any other friends? Go stay with them.

So she has a fucking fit? So what? Let her scream. Go get a beer and leave her alone. Stop letting her temper control you. She wants to coo and cuddle? That's the carrot. Stop accepting this extremely unhealthy dynamic. You are not good for her and she is not good for you. Get away from each other.
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  #47  
Old 06-21-2013, 11:38 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by kkxvlv View Post
This week is making me wonder if this board IS made up entirely of accounts run by Franklin Veaux
I know! Or maybe BG is doing it.. hmmm...

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  #48  
Old 06-21-2013, 11:41 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I know! Or maybe BG is doing it.. hmmm...


I've already admitted somewhere else that dirtclustit is a figment of my poly imaginary friend.

Other than that, it's just me, myself, and Id.

Is this poly behaviour? Is this a dessert topping? You decide. Language is fluid, so it's probably dessert topping.
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  #49  
Old 06-22-2013, 02:16 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by onoma View Post
Also, I actually did tell her I'd be just friends... a week and a half later she got upset when I went out with one of my old college buddies, because she was afraid I might be hitting on women. It actually does take two people to let go of a relationship...
Only if you let it. You are a free human being, no? So she gets upset. Let her get upset. That's only your problem if you allow it to be your problem.

Possible reaction #1:
"She's upset with me. I must change my behaviour so she's not upset with me."

Possible reaction #2:
"She's upset with me. I tell her, politely, to get the fuck over it. I tell her that as a free human being, I'm choosing to go out with my college buddies, I might even choose to hit on women."

As long as you're cowtailing to her whims, what motivation does she have to change? Humans don't tend to change unless they have to. You have the option to force her to change, one way or another.

I never said it would be easy.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 06-22-2013 at 02:18 AM.
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  #50  
Old 06-22-2013, 05:28 PM
onoma onoma is offline
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
I trust that you don't live on Mercury, and that there are "apartment complexes" on your Earthly habitat.

Where did she live before she started living with you? I'm always a little baffled by this excuse because it's not like your partner just came out of the womb and there you were to catch them - they were fully functional human beings before they met you, why can't they do that now?

Do what you want, I'm just advising against letting an excuse pose as reason.
I'm in the process of buying the house she owned before we started living together. So it's not exactly simple for me to just move out for a couple months, and she can't afford to move until she gets the money from the house sale.

BoringGuy

Let's see, we live in a duplex and she "lives" in the upstairs apartment. Which means:
1) Sleeps there
2) Showers there

Basically everything else is in my apartment, including her dog. So if we're avoiding each other and she wants to watch tv and hang with her dog I have to find stuff to do outside of the house. Neither of us wants to torture the arthritic dog by sending her upstairs constantly... she limps for a full day after one round trip. When she wants breakfast or dinner, she's in my kitchen making it.

So yeah, "live together" may not be entirely accurate... but it's not like she lives across town.

I've thought of getting a short-term apartment somewhere just until the house closes, but I don't think I can really afford it. Then, of course, it's not like she's going to instantly disappear once we close...

Last edited by onoma; 06-22-2013 at 05:51 PM.
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