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  #31  
Old 06-19-2013, 03:02 AM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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I Thank you all for your input. She and I do have a sexual relationship as well as he and I do although sex hasn't been on the menu for a little bit.
My family lives on the other side of the country so family gatherings won't be an issue in any way. They say that they perfer that the child call her mommy rather than trying to explain a poly relationship to a child. I realize that it might be confusing to a child. I just am taking a day or too to process the fact that they want to wait until the child is grown before revealing paternity.
L
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  #32  
Old 06-19-2013, 03:12 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I feel like this thread is straight out of the 1950's Because they used to send single women & girls away to live with relatives out of town, or to "homes for unwed mothers", and then a relative or in many cases the mother's parents adopt the child, pass it off as their own , & raise it as a cousin or sibling of the bio mother. I did not realize people still do this and act like it's something else.

You need time to process this. Wow.
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  #33  
Old 06-19-2013, 03:15 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
They say that they perfer that the child call her mommy rather than trying to explain a poly relationship to a child. I realize that it might be confusing to a child. I just am taking a day or too to process the fact that they want to wait until the child is grown before revealing paternity.
L
They prefer... they want...
What do YOU want? This will be YOUR child too.

There are other threads regarding children of poly parents... most kids who grow up in a poly family seem to handle it just fine - it's their family, there isn't much to explain.

My partner ID'd as poly later in life, and his kids took it just fine.
MY kids took the fact that mom's BF has two GFs in stride with a shrug.

It's not that hard. Please listen to your own voice too - it needs to be louder than theirs.
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  #34  
Old 06-19-2013, 03:19 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
My family lives on the other side of the country so family gatherings won't be an issue in any way. They say that they perfer that the child call her mommy rather than trying to explain a poly relationship to a child. I realize that it might be confusing to a child. I just am taking a day or too to process the fact that they want to wait until the child is grown before revealing paternity.
L
So you guys are worried that the child is going to be confused about who it's mother is? In the biz we call that "projection" because that child will be totally comfortable with whatever you teach it - and growing up in a household of loving caregivers (not to say that's what it sounds like the child will get in this particular case) isn't exactly "confusing" to a child. This is a problem for adults who are living in hiding for whatever reason and using the kid as an excuse is weak (and seriously confused).

If people are embarrassed about their life choices and want to live in the closet that's their decision, but don't take it out on the kid.

And we're still talking about YOUR kid right? I hope you have some concept of how bizarre this conversation is from this end.
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  #35  
Old 06-19-2013, 03:29 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Imagine this as if it were a regular monogamous relationship and the OP was all, "my boyfriend wants it this way and he said it's going to be that way, and he told me his family will be doing these things and the kid will have to be named after this relative and i have to see what color my best friend thinks we should paint the nursery... And btw , hon thanks for making dinner. I'd fuck you but you look tired and you have to get up in six hours for work. You're working another double aren't you. Did you remember to pick up some hot-pockets so i won't have to buy something at mcdonalds with my cigarette money? Ya i WAS gonna quit but i want to make this pack last until payday but the Bruins are playing so if i don't i'll have to get more."

I'm thinking of the Brad Pitt character in Kalifornia.

I have to go now.
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  #36  
Old 06-19-2013, 03:31 AM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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My feelings don't seem to matter and trust me. I want my child to know me as mommy but I don't guess I will get that option.
L
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  #37  
Old 06-19-2013, 03:55 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
My feelings don't seem to matter and trust me. I want my child to know me as mommy but I don't guess I will get that option.
L
Are you out of your mind? You have options. If your feelings do not matter to this couple, run!
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  #38  
Old 06-19-2013, 04:18 AM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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I know I just can't afford to leave
L
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  #39  
Old 06-19-2013, 04:25 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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There has got to be something more to this if you think you HAVE to have a baby and "won't get the option" to raise it as yours. Are these people like, keeping you in the country legally or something, and if you displease them you get sent back to like, your abusive pimp family in some shithole third-world excuse for a country, or WHAT? Are you a drama queen exaggerating for the benefit of an audience? If NOT, then WHAT? I'm not trying to be mean but it makes no sense. You work. You get paid. You have choices.

You know what? Fuck it. Have a baby and give it to the crazy barren woman. You can always have another one if she won't give the first one back.
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  #40  
Old 06-19-2013, 04:43 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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There has to be more.

If you have a job, you have options. If you have living family members, you have options. Do they take all of your money and give you an allowance from your income? You sound like an indentured servant or even worse a slave forced to have a baby by her owner, while they pass the fair skinned child off as theirs There is no D/S.
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