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  #31  
Old 06-17-2013, 05:31 PM
onoma onoma is offline
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
"Presenting new information" in a pushy way could be called "ramming propaganda down someone's throat" if said information is part of an agenda AND unwelcomed by the targeted recipient.

I'm not saying this is what you're doing, but this is ONE way of putting it.
I'm not locking her in a room and blasting stuff through speakers. I'm handing her a book, to read or even not read as she chooses.
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  #32  
Old 06-17-2013, 05:50 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by onoma View Post
I'm not locking her in a room and blasting stuff through speakers. I'm handing her a book, to read or even not read as she chooses.

ok, fine then.

but don't you think she could "choose" to go get the book herself if she wanted to read it? I'm not much for reading things other people recommend unless I'm already interested to some extent. There are so many things I AM interested in, that I wouldn't bother wasting time reading something just because it is going to help them get something they want from me that I am not prepared to give.

If she handed you a book about monogamous relationships, would you read it because it might open your mind?

If you hand me a book by Rush Limbaugh, do you think I won't laugh my ass off at you?
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  #33  
Old 06-17-2013, 06:14 PM
onoma onoma is offline
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
ok, fine then.

but don't you think she could "choose" to go get the book herself if she wanted to read it?
Maybe. If she's even heard of it.

Quote:
I'm not much for reading things other people recommend unless I'm already interested to some extent.
You're not her. She does tend to read things people give to her. Although she's never read anything I've given her for some reason. (Not other books like this, just anything.)

Quote:
If she handed you a book about monogamous relationships, would you read it because it might open your mind?
Yes. Actually, I'd read it to prove that it won't "open my mind"... but I'd still read it. :P

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If you hand me a book by Rush Limbaugh, do you think I won't laugh my ass off at you?
A fried of hers once gave her a book on how aliens were the real god. Not Scientology, but something similar. She read it.

Just sayin'... Not everyone is you. :P
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  #34  
Old 06-17-2013, 06:27 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Default "Everyone is not me" ORLY?

:rolleyes
Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
Just sayin'... Not everyone is you. :P


OMG REALLY??? Thanks for telling me! You just opened my mind! I thought EVERYONE was EXACTLY LIKE ME. I was WRONG. You SAVED me from MYSELF. I could have CONTINUED to go through life this way but now I WON'T!


^^ this is what you expect your girlfriend to say about poly.

Your answer(s), or lack thereof, continue to support my theory that you are here fishing for feedback that says, "Your girlfriend does sound like she's poly deep-down inside somewhere after all, and all you need to do is support and encourage her toward that, and things will work out eventually". And you're NOT GETTING IT.

It is YOU who doesn't "get it". NOT HER.

Denial is not a river in Europe. That's right - Europe.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 06-17-2013 at 06:30 PM.
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  #35  
Old 06-17-2013, 08:54 PM
Josie Josie is offline
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My interpretation: You are poly. She is not. You wish to continue your relationship with her, but she doesn't want to do poly. Right so far?

There's a book you've come across about poly being more natural for women and a woman's sex drive being manipulated by culture and society. You'd like her to read it and see if it opened her mind.

My issue with this: The book you have given her (from your brief description) doesn't sound like a book that could bring her around to being able to deal with YOU being poly, instead it sounds like a book to try and convince her that it would be natural for HER to be poly. Whether or not she is poly isn't the issue, it's whether or not you being poly is a hard limit for her.

If anything, giving her a book that says it's more natural for women to be poly than men could end up with her turning that round on you. She might end up saying that if it's more natural for women to be poly and she isn't, than surely you, with it being less natural, could try not being poly? That, of course, is an extreme scenario. I'm just saying that if you have any agenda behind giving her the book (i.e. wanting the experience to open her mind to poly), this sort of book could backfire. Perhaps a different book that's based more on understanding possible methods of becoming comfortable with poly in a partner would be more useful (I don't know any myself but I've seen a lot of book/website recommendations on here in the past and I'm sure someone would push you in the right direction if you asked)

Last edited by Josie; 06-18-2013 at 12:32 AM.
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  #36  
Old 06-17-2013, 09:57 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Indeed, if the OP wants to keep this relationship going because the good outweighs the bad or whatever, then he should be prepared to live it monogamous until when/if SHE decides she wants things otherwise.
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  #37  
Old 06-18-2013, 06:04 AM
london london is offline
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It's kind of like what atheists do to theists; they think if they just read this thing that Dawkins or some other dude wrote, they can make you realise that there is no God. Someone can be equally as educated as you and still choose to believe differently.
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  #38  
Old 06-18-2013, 03:19 PM
onoma onoma is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
It's kind of like what atheists do to theists;
Haha... or theists to atheists? At least athiests don't knock on your door... although it would be fun to swap out the bible in hotel rooms with a copy of "On the Origin of Species."

Quote:
they think if they just read this thing that Dawkins or some other dude wrote, they can make you realise that there is no God. Someone can be equally as educated as you and still choose to believe differently.
True, but they can also be more educated and not know something I do. It's kind of a moot point now, but there are plenty of people on these forums who learned about polyamory and then realized they liked the idea... hell, I didn't like the idea at first myself. Once I started reading about it, I found myself agreeing with everything...

Side Note: Ugh... does there really need to be a CAPTCHA for every single post? Why not just on login?
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  #39  
Old 06-18-2013, 03:24 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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I'm not a fan of evangelism of any stripe - Poly, atheist, religious, you name it. If it's important to you, and you want me to learn about it BECAUSE of that? Great. I love getting to know people better.

If you instead want to pull me aside and "tell me about <x>" because it's so wonderful and you need to spread the word to the uninformed masses who only need to be shown the "one true way"? Gick. No thanks. I'll learn about it on my own without the proselytizing and make my own decision.

It may result in the same thing (me learning about something), but it really is the difference between "here's what I believe" and "here's something that shows you that what you believe is wrong."
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  #40  
Old 06-18-2013, 03:34 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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There's a difference in how you approach people is all it boils down to. People that come to my door with their inspirational messages? Well let's just say the family now tries to beat me to the door so I don't have to tell them what I really think. You want to live your life according to your beliefs and are a good example and in such share with me favorite passages or sayings or stuff you learned great! (I still think it should be illegal to pimp out children door to door for your religion, but I digress)

You are poly, you want your partner to accept this, nothing new there. Can not COUNT how many intros I have seen here and on lists that boil down to, "How do I get my partner to LET ME be poly?"

Here's the thing, trying to prove it's fine, it's acceptable, or even it's superior and more natural is NOT the way to go. It's condescending and is just going to put backs up! Instead, try saying, "Hey, I know this isn't for you, I know you dont' want any part of this but the truth is poly is who I AM, even if it's not what I do. So I read this book, and it really helped me put things into perspective. If you would like to read it I think it would do a better job explaining how I feel than I seem to be able to. Totally up to you and if you want we can even read it together and I want you to ask questions. I don't want this to be some scary unknown for you. So no matter what decision we make for our relationship, this could help you understand me better."

Wordy yes but a much better approach.
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