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  #31  
Old 06-14-2013, 02:16 PM
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London, the OP here has identified himself as having Asperger's but hasn't referred to himself as autistic. I know that Aspies are part of that "spectrum," but it is considered to be somewhat different from high-functioning autism, so I think that you are getting all political in defense of all autistic people for no reason. If you are going to refer to the OP's syndrome/disorder in regard to the dilemma he is struggling with, I think it would be more respectful to refer to his issue as related specifically to Asperger's, not autism, since he did not identify himself as autistic.
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  #32  
Old 06-14-2013, 02:20 PM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
This is just about the worst thing you could say to someone on the autistic spectrum. This shows me that you have a painfully limited idea of what it is like to have autism. Reminds me of the people who don't mind when your autism helps them because of your ability to become fixated in your focus on something, but won't try and change their language to make their intentions clearer or do anything else that might help you because they don't believe you need that level of support. Ie you can only be autistic when it's convenient for me.


You have no idea who you are talking to. I plan to avoid responding to your comments from now on because the last thing i need on here is another "disabled" person following me around on here giving me crap.

I am not going to recite my medical history for you because it's none of your business, and i find it in poor taste when people use their medical, personal, psychiatric, etc. issues to make everyone else walk on eggshells, so i don't do it.

That said, i'll say whatever i say to the OP. this is not the Wrong Planet forum. The OP can go find an Aspie support group (and so can you, or me) if they need that kind of special treatment. You come to a forum about polyamory, you are going to get advice about relationships, not individual therapy.

London, i like the things you say most of the time, i agree with you, but you react very strongly to perceived insults and whatnot that may not be the case. If you know it's you with the aspergers, you should be developing a coping system and not expecting the whole world to change in order to know exactly how to word things. I have a mild form of Aspie where i over-read or under-read body language and facial expression. I have trouble with realizing when people are trying to escape from a conversation, etc. so i tend to avoid situations with lots of strangers around. But i am extremely high-functioning verbally, so there. Those two things make written communication and forums the ideal medium to express myself. That is also why i have difficulty stopping once i get going. So YOU would probably weird ME out by doing something like buttoning your coat in the wrong order or leaving your bag or backpack on the floor with the flap facing the wrong way. But guess what? I know these things are MY issues, and i wouldn't make them YOUR PROBLEMS.

Besides, i was talking to the OP. why are YOU offended? I wasn't even talking to You. Did the OP even ASK for your help defending them? Maybe they came here hecause they WANT advice from the general (non-autistic) population. Did you ever consider THAT?
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  #33  
Old 06-14-2013, 03:56 PM
london london is offline
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Firstly, you can't have Aspergers without being autistic. In fact, a little google search well tell you that Aspergers has been eradicated as a diagnosis for this very reason. People keep separating Aspergers from autism. Aspergers means autism without speech delay and with normal IQ. So me reportedly saying autism or autistic is perfectly sound.
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  #34  
Old 06-14-2013, 04:01 PM
london london is offline
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You have no idea how many coping strategies I employ whilst answering on any forum, including this one. If I said what I really think, exactly how I think it, I would have been banned on the first day.

You are of course welcome to ignore my posts, I suspect you are already compelled to read them though and will continue to do so whilst muttering under your virtual breath about how utterly insufferable I am. But don't worry, we might have great angry sex one day, let's stay focused on that, eh, soldier?
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  #35  
Old 06-14-2013, 04:47 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
You have no idea how many coping strategies I employ whilst answering on any forum, including this one. If I said what I really think, exactly how I think it, I would have been banned on the first day.

You are of course welcome to ignore my posts, I suspect you are already compelled to read them though and will continue to do so whilst muttering under your virtual breath about how utterly insufferable I am. But don't worry, we might have great angry sex one day, let's stay focused on that, eh, soldier?


Wow you took the words out of my mouth, except for the part about angry soldier sex, that went right over my head.

See here's the thing. This is what i mean when i say we are not as unique (GASP! Spelled it right!) as we have been taught to think we are. Oh also, i don't mutter about how insufferable you are. Not yet, anyway. I am busy doing THAT about dirtclustit (i am under orders to not use cute nicknames like Sawyer from Lost used to do). But anyway, you seem to be so wrapped in being offended by my use of words yet i just explained to you that i have a simlar condition and you're still going off about you, you, you. Where is your empathy for someone else LIKE you? And i guarantee you we are alike in more ways than you probably suspect.

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  #36  
Old 06-14-2013, 05:13 PM
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I feel I'm a spectator to some odd bonding ritual I don't understand... Have fun, you two!
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  #37  
Old 06-14-2013, 05:23 PM
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Originally Posted by DarkDuality View Post
But this gives me little solace. The more I read about it, the worse I feel. The studies just seem to reinforce that my love is broken. It's almost made me break down and cry, and my mind is tearing apart.
Why do the studies make you feel worse? Do you agree with them? Or do you disagree with them?

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It feels like I'm being forced to go into a relationship style that does not feel right to me.
No one can force you to do anything. If you go into a relationship style, you chose to do that. You can always choose not to. The important thing is to make your choice.
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  #38  
Old 06-14-2013, 05:54 PM
onoma onoma is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
This is just about the worst thing you could say to someone on the autistic spectrum.
Why? How could it have been better?

Quote:
This shows me that you have a painfully limited idea of what it is like to have autism.
Not speaking for the original author... but I'd wager most of us have a painfully limited idea about what autism is like. Basically, 90% of my knowledge of the subject is from Boston Legal, and the other 10% is from my girlfriend who may have some autistic tendencies.

Point of all this being: If people don't understand autism to your satisfaction, try helping. Constructive criticism, that is, rather than just criticism.
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  #39  
Old 06-14-2013, 06:18 PM
london london is offline
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You know, I nearly wrote a long post explaining, and then I just thought Fuck it, read a book if you're interested because all people will do is dispute it and this invalidate the typical feelings autistic people have when dating and socialising.
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  #40  
Old 06-14-2013, 06:44 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I do not want to make this all about me, but it will sure seem so:

I do not pretend to "understand" autism. I do not pretend to "understand" cancer, either. That does not mean i am ignorant and uninformed. I do NOT appreciate being told that i must constantly adapt my choices of words based on the possibility that SOME special-interest group spokesperson might get their hot-buttons pushed. On this forum in particular, i have already been harassed and pushed to the point of losing my temper with one individual who took it upon themselves to speak for all "disabled" people and make an "example" out of me as Public Enemy Number One. I will not suffer that gladly a second time.

I don't come here and expect anyone else to change the way they write. I don't insist that Gala Girl stop typing in colors and flow charts and making up metaphors that give me a headache. So i skim over them or don't open them, depending on what the thread is about (i have them blocked but that's just so the pages load faster on the ipod) - what i DON'T do is say "Gala Girl, you obviously have a painfully limited idea of what it's like to be visually over-stimulated. You might want to exhibit some empathy and tone down your formatting and stop repeating the same thing four times in a row in the same post.". What if i went around doing that? What if i responded to everything i can't use with "you are not considering what it's like to be me". What if i started CORRECTING all the horrible spelling and poor grammar, and incorrect use of pronouns and parts of speech? Because that really triggers my Aspergers syndrome, you see, me being the left-brained verbally-oriented savant who thinks in rhyme most of the time. So you guys, i'm special too! I want you guys to change the way you do things for ME. Otherwise, you're creating a hostile environment, and that is a form of a personal attack, as well as just overall non-inclusiveness. I take no responsibility for the way i am because i was BORN like this. The mainstream, neurotypical world needs to wake up and start being sensitive to autistics and other mentally and neurologically marginalized people...

Oh cripes. For realz? No thanks.

I used to have a problem with the police. One of the reasons my spouse (who is a "de-escalation specialist" at a psych hospital - meaning they are the one who other direct care workers get to calm down the difficult patients) and i got married is because when the police came to the house, they would act like Spouse was an "outsider" because my family was what was giving me crap. Of course there are other reasons we got married too but that is the one that is relevant right now. Spouse is like a service-dog to me in a way - able to pick up on when i need them to step in and take control of a situation that is going poorly for me. Over the years, we have arranged our lives so as to minimize the police presence, but shit still comes up where i need that type of assistance. I have only met one other person in my life who was able to do this for me, it was a roommate in the early 1990's.

I have to go do some work now. I hope this makes you all understand me better. Now, any time anyone doesn't like what i said, i'm going to invoke the Aspie clause to shut them up. Is that okay, or not?

Oh, and don't get me wrong - i do not think Gala Girl is a bad person. Perhaps she IS - but i have not gotten to know her well enough to figure it out. That reference to GG up there was simply to give an example of how i deal with things that disturb my visual or cognitive experience. Nothing AT ALL in regards to the type of person she is. If anyone tries to give me crap on that aspect of it, i will not engage them.
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