Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 08-08-2013, 03:45 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 349
Default

What experiences have you had so far in the 2 years (well at least two going by your other post) since you and your wife began this journey? What did you experience with the other lover you mentioned that you're curious about for this new lover?
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 08-08-2013, 03:53 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

They are not "sleep-overs". They are "sex-overs".
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 08-08-2013, 04:13 PM
TRBG TRBG is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern NH, USA
Posts: 73
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
They are not "sleep-overs". They are "sex-overs".
And overs and overs and overs. At first.

But yeah, unless you plan on building forts and going through lots of cake and ice cream (which does sound like it has its merits)... sorry, back on point. In my experience they're fun. Lots of fun. Don't overthink it. And just to prove that chivalry isn't dead let her have the top bunk.
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 08-08-2013, 04:36 PM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default

Sometimes there is an (unconscious) idea that NRE will evaporate or disintegrate when subjected to healthy boundaries, but I have found that the healthy boundaries will support the NRE and can extend it's life!
__________________
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 08-11-2013, 01:08 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 404
Default

A's and S's sleep over rules. They have extensive rules...
One sleep over per secondary per week.
No sleep overs if he is in the same city as where she lives, he is expected to go to her place.
No Fri or Sat sleep overs unless they are not seeing each other that weekend. Weekends are for the primary couple.

This mostly works for me due to my parenting agreement. I do find the weekend thing annoying as I do have occasional weekends free.

If I didn't have kids, I would be running for the hills. According to A most of the women he has dated haven't been able to deal with it.
__________________
Me: 40s female
Prof: 50s male.
Kip: 50s male.
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 08-11-2013, 03:20 PM
Flear Flear is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 116
Default

Atlantis, i wouldn't be able to deal with those rules either
just how i see things if i had to deal with those rules

sounds like it's more friends with benefits than looking for anyone to date.

someone having an affair behind their partners back would do that kind of stuff, telling their SO work was late, "sorry hon, i'll just get a hotel & see you after work tomorrow"
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 08-11-2013, 03:32 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 404
Default

Hi Fleur,
I'll PM you.
__________________
Me: 40s female
Prof: 50s male.
Kip: 50s male.
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 08-11-2013, 03:40 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 4,128
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Labs07 View Post
I have started a new relationship and have been asked by my lover if I could spend the night. My wife and I discussed this and she is good to go. I understand about NRE and want to and want to be with my lover a lot but I don't want to overdo it. I know the boundaries with my primary will determine how often we can do this but am looking to gain a bit of understanding of what others have done before.
Thanks for the thoughts on this!
Some people overdo it. They let their NRE carry them away and want to sleep over with the new person several days a week. Personally I think in the early months, once a week would be plenty, and maybe one other non-sleepover date per week.

After a few months, if the metamours get along and everything is cool, more time together for everyone as desired can be negotiated.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 08-14-2013, 06:45 PM
SouthernFirefly SouthernFirefly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 13
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Labs07 View Post
I am just looking for others experiences regarding this matter. Any advise or experiences would be helpful.

Thanks
I can give you our experience. :-)

We call ourselves a quad but we are not all together sexually. We are two married couples, no children, with the guys being with the girls. We do stuff together as a group and we all get along well. We weren't looking for poly. :-) It just happened for us.

With that said, we do sleep overs. At first, they were just random hey, how does everyone feel about a sleepover? And we did it that way for awhile but that became too difficult not having a plan and it just seeming to be haphazard whenever.

Also, we didn't like doing it night by night so we all decided as a group that we'd like extended sleepovers (more than one night here and there). So, we went to a calendar and did five nights home, five nights sleepover, five nights home, five nights sleepover. We still saw and made connections with everyone during these times but the guys were sleeping at a different house. This worked for awhile but it proved to be a little difficult. Not sure why but we're a fluid group and can be flexible to try and find a way to make it work.

So, we've done away with the five and five and have gone more to sleepovers that start on Thursday and end on Tuesday. Then, the guys return to their homes for roughly ten days and then back over for a sleepover. This way, we have every other weekend with everybody.

Again, we are flexible so we make it work.

Probably more info than you needed to know but this is our experience. Its evolved and worked for us for the past two years.
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 08-14-2013, 08:49 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 364
Default

you've take a little heat for saying "sleep over" A lot of us say "overnights". I started overnights with my BF a couple months into our relationship, it was odd at first (See "first over night jitters") but everyone gets used to it. Right now, we plan 1 a month. not sure that helps you at all
__________________
keep on keeping on
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:20 PM.