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  #21  
Old 06-13-2013, 01:10 AM
lili lili is offline
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Talk it out. Go to counseling. Wait for either the bad blood to disappear (there is obviously bad blood) or for the relationship to end, which seems likely. Don't bring a child into that. Lies create this kind of tension and drama and bring out the worst in people. Find a poly friendly counselor and talk about coming out, stopping the lies. COMMUNICATE TO THEM ABOUT THIS, maybe not so much strangers on the webz. Don't have a kid yet. As a child who comes from a troubled home, I am begging you, wait to have this child. My 2 cents.
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  #22  
Old 06-13-2013, 07:50 AM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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As far as, her having more children that isn't a possibility given that she's 46 and has had a partial hystercytomy. We did have a pretty lengthy discussion tonight as to the fact that I want my children to know the truth. And for me the truth is they have two mommies and a daddy that loves them beyond belief. I also was able to addres my concern about having a child they may not look like their chid and more like me and the fact of planning on breastfeeding if we are in Walmart or something I am not going to hesitate in saying things like mommies here baby it's ok. They seemed to take it really well.
L
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  #23  
Old 06-13-2013, 08:02 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Planning on breastfeeding in Walmart already? I can see you are thinking this through carefully - considering the really important things one needs to provide for a child. Of course, one can find most of that stuff in Walmart. No need to pay a membership fee to join a wholesale club. You can just shop at Walmart for free.
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  #24  
Old 06-13-2013, 08:15 AM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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Well that was an example only lol
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  #25  
Old 06-13-2013, 09:49 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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So do they accept that since the child is yours, they will either have to come out to their family or you will keep the actual paternity of your child from these members of the family?

And since she is infertile and 46, no one will be fooled that she is the biological mother, especially if you are out with them...what kind of crazy looks will you get with a child who might clearly look like you and the husband with this other woman claiming the title 'Mummy'? It will totally mess with this kids head too.

Be mummy, if she wants to be Ema, Tante, Aunty or any other title that is fine, but you are the Mother! Everyone and everyone' Uncle Bob better know that and there should not be any care about them taking it 'really well' that is a bloomin fact!!!

I still think you are being hopelessly naive about the effect motherhood will have on you. Trust me, if she tries to claim maternity over this baby you will be near homicidal. I say that as the mother of an infant.
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  #26  
Old 06-13-2013, 09:56 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default It sounds like it could be a very unhealthy

situation to raise a child, she may have had the best intentions and may be seriously only thinking about the very real situation of raising a child in a poly household. Good intentions will pave a road straight to hell if she isn't smart enough to care about how that would affect you or the child.

But to be honest, the main problems facing poly child rearing these days is shielding them from affliction courtesy of society and enforced beliefs.

Besides parenting , the legal challenges that will be faced present complicated problems. But they are problems that can and will be dealt with. The greatest distinction if shit hits the fan, by that I mean it does not have to be a distinction that is apparent unless there are problems, but there is a difference between biological parents and non-biological. Poly-step-like parents or whatever you wish to call any other parental figure who is neither of the two biological parents.

So unless you are planning on willfully surrending your parental rights to your SO's spouse, it sounds like a fucked up thing to do if you aren't OK with it.

these sorts of complications, especially the legal ones, are exactly why poly families will not have their withheld Constitutional rights granted and protected until the tale end of dispensation as opposed to the beginning.

The worst part is, each of US as people would know beyond any reasonable doubt what the right thing to do is if we were practiced with honesty. It is failure to be honest when were are hurt, or being practiced at lying to ourselves that we justify our actions to be the right thing to do, which of course does not make it true in reality, no matter how much we believe it.

Very, very rarely would the courts of law be even needed if people were practiced and fluent with honesty.Most if not All of the controversy and grey areas that fill the news of the legal world would be distinctly black and white if all parties involved refrained from exaggerating and justifying their dishonest behavior

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 06-13-2013 at 10:04 AM. Reason: typo
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  #27  
Old 06-13-2013, 01:00 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Sounds like you talked about the "mommy name" and who is going to get it if you birth a new baby -- YOU.

What about other questions? Did you get a chance to cover those?

How supportive is each person's family right now to polyshipping? Your family of origin? His family of origin? Her family of origin? How supportive is each group to a new baby joining the family?

Have you discussed NOT cohabitating if you choose to move forward with TTC?
Be neighbors if you like... but at the end of the day people can have their own spaces?

Have you discussed how this will break up if things need to break up POST baby?

GG
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  #28  
Old 06-14-2013, 06:16 AM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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Well she and I were talking and she said we need to sit down and discuss how things would be if there were to be an end of our relationship. Personally, I said I feel like we would need to devise a co-parenting plan as I can't fully walk away from a child that I gave birth too. My mom completely abandoned us as children and it's not something I could ever do.
L
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  #29  
Old 06-14-2013, 07:02 AM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
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First I will admit when I first read this thread I thought you were this same kitten http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48583 and my first impression was formed before I went back to check. Second I know this is rude but please don't have a child with these people. If you do, find a lawyer.


Quote:
Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
Well all was well and good until the wife says I will be mommy and you will be Emaw as per what the child they have together calls me.
Quote:
She asked if she could pass a newborn off to Family as hers
Quote:
As far as, her having more children that isn't a possibility given that she's 46 and has had a partial hystercytomy
Quote:
she said we need to sit down and discuss how things would be if there were to be an end of our relationship.
From what you've told us, does it really sound like they plan on keeping you involved once you give them another baby?

Last edited by kkxvlv; 06-14-2013 at 07:05 AM.
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  #30  
Old 06-14-2013, 08:39 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
Well she and I were talking and she said we need to sit down and discuss how things would be if there were to be an end of our relationship. Personally, I said I feel like we would need to devise a co-parenting plan as I can't fully walk away from a child that I gave birth too. My mom completely abandoned us as children and it's not something I could ever do.
L
Surely the baby would be yours and the husbands? I think the fact that it is all being arranged around her pretty much confirms she sees you as the baby maker. She wants the baby and they probably don't want you. Please don't try for a baby with these people, it will cause ALL sorts of hell for you.

Natja
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