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  #11  
Old 06-12-2013, 02:02 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
I was not suggesting to ignore this issue forever & hope it will go away. Just take a step back for now & revisit it in a bit. Unless the baby is due any day, it sounds like you have a little time to figure this out. It also sounds like she has some control issues which I find disturbing.
That's not what I got from your first post, gracias for the clarification.

I'm not familiar with the OP but it sounds like there might be some D/s stuff going on. Certainly there is some kind of power struggle in play. Before a child discussion even STARTS I would hope they figure that stuff out first.
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  #12  
Old 06-12-2013, 03:24 PM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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To clearify we don't have a D/s relationship outside of minor bedroom kink. I personally am in a mood today. I don't feel much like this relationship is going to work unless some things change rather quickly.
L
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  #13  
Old 06-12-2013, 04:17 PM
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RiverRose RiverRose is offline
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When a child comes along, the emotions involved become even more irrational than they do in romantic love. People can be whatever sexual orientation they wish, hold whatever politic/religious beliefs they want, live where they want etc. but how a mother feels about her child (whether positive or negative) just cannot be controlled in ANY way whatsoever.

It sounds like the OP would definitely not like the situation that might arise. Best to take a step back. But another thought though: do you think maybe your boyfriend's other partner is actually feeling a bit broody herself? She might be feeling like she wants another child, and feels that your plans to have a child would make that impossible. This is something your boyfriend needs to ask I think.

Kim xxx.
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  #14  
Old 06-12-2013, 04:27 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Originally Posted by RiverRose View Post
This is something your boyfriend needs to ask I think
Pretty messy situation, indeed.

However, I would suggest that you [OP] take care of any communication that involves your life. If you are having a power struggle with someone it doesn't really matter who they are dating, it's likely going to be best to discuss it with them personally. Putting this kind of responsibility on who they are dating sets a bad precedent and sets up the possibility for yet another power struggle.
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  #15  
Old 06-12-2013, 04:43 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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So she wants you to carry the child, deliver him/her, and the child is NOT supposed to call you mum? Are you kidding me? Unless you are planning on waiving your rights and allowing her to adopt the child, or you are volunteering to be a surrogate, the answer is easy. Hell no. You may be feeling broody, but word of advice, do NOT bring a baby into an already unstable situation. Shit like this needs to be handled in advance. Like before you even get off birth control or even start trying. I have not read your previous posts, but RiverRose asked a good question. Is it possible this chap is like, "I only want one more child," but he has two (or however many) women in his life who want to bear that child?
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  #16  
Old 06-12-2013, 04:50 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
SIt was one thing when she asked if she could pass a newborn off to Family as her's because we are not public to family but to suggest that my child call her mommy and me by the name that their daughter calls me made me feel like ripping her throat out. What I am having trouble with is she thinks I am ok with lying to my child. Family resemblances are very strong on my side of the family and my child won't look a dang thing like her and I would never telll my child I am not his or her mother.
L
So this is really to perpetuate a lie because you're not all out? In order to maintain the facade, the child would have to be brought up believing that SHE is the mother, in case something accidentally leaks?

Would she raise her own daughter in the dark to propagate a lie? If not, why on Earth would she expect you to? If so, then I pity her daughter.
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  #17  
Old 06-12-2013, 05:13 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Why on earth would she pass of the child as her own child to family? Lies all over the place?

You could say "I do not agree with that. There will be no TTC unless we are all in accord. I am not bringing a child into this world in this manner."

Sounds like before TTC you all could talk about "being out" and what family support the new child and you each will have. And if you all choose to go forth WITHOUT family community support to bring a new child into being, you could go knowing exactly what you DO have resource wise and without hooha or surprises up ahead.

Presorted before bring the kid into it. Not just what to call the parents, what to tell the extended relatives, or how to pay for prenatal and postnatal care, but how child custody would play out if this polyship folds later down the line. Already you think it isn't going to fly if there aren't changes.... so don't add another (baby) player to mix at this time til you talk all this stuff out.

Because IMO? I think it's poor family planning to raise a child in poor environmental health (physical environment and psychological environment) if you can prevent/improve upon it/sort it out beforehand. Dealing in children is time intenstive, and newborns with nursing moms -- that's super time intensive. Don't need drama on top.

Unwillingness to create a healthy space for a child to come into being and face problems... by telling new lies? That just smells of more problems down the road.

Big red flag. Tread with caution.

My 2 cents,

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-12-2013 at 09:08 PM.
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  #18  
Old 06-12-2013, 05:36 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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What the frick..

Do not have children in this messed up situation. If you can not be open about whose child it is with family then don't do it. Think of the effect on the child being introduced as so and so's child.
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  #19  
Old 06-12-2013, 08:56 PM
Stevenjaguar Stevenjaguar is offline
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Sounds unanimous
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  #20  
Old 06-12-2013, 11:41 PM
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franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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I can't imagine ever asking that of my gf if her and FJ wanted to have a child together. There's is no way in hell that would be a healthy situation for ANYONE, especially the child. And I say it certainly indicates she has some major control issues and doesn't view you as a real person to be respected. I'd be all sorts of crazy mad.
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