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  #11  
Old 06-13-2013, 01:38 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I'm not sure what you mean about "equal" love. I wonder if you mean equal TIME? Like time spent thinking about them?

Because this about "thinking time" to me:

Quote:
One day you love your boyfriend more than your husband. The next day you love your husband more than your boyfriend. How common is this?
I would write it as


"One day you think about your BF more than your husband. The next day you think about your husband more than your BF. How common is this?"


Is that what you mean?

Galagirl
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  #12  
Old 06-13-2013, 05:21 PM
SEcondary SEcondary is offline
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Yes. And I believe my wife at time loves her boyfriend more than me. I believe it happens a lot. I know her making love to him is a lot better than its been with me. And we have a wonderful marriage. Many things in common, enjoy each other a lot. Wonderful. And this even makes it more wonderful. Comment on this if you can. We don't kiss or hug in front of her boyfriend. I brought it up to her last night. We both feel that way. I found it interesting and funny as we are the ones who are married. I thing both my wife and I feel that he should come first when they are together. Even when I'm present.
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  #13  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:18 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I just cannot relate to the concept (and it is a concept) of loving someone "more" or "less." Love is love. How can it possibly be quantified?
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #14  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:31 PM
SEcondary SEcondary is offline
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Why do you think a person leaves a spouse when they fall in love with someone else? There is really nothing wrong with the marriage or relationship and they end up leaving for the new person. Maybe you and I wouldn't but it happens a lot. Why do women have affairs just for sex then?
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  #15  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:34 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SEcondary View Post
Why do women have affairs just for sex then?
What does this mean? Why is this relevant? In what way does a person (I don't see why it makes a difference whether it's a man or a woman, perhaps you'll explain that to us too) having an affair "just for sex" relate to whether or not love is or is not "equal"?
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  #16  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:41 PM
SEcondary SEcondary is offline
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The comment of " Do women have affairs just for sex" is to show that it is not. It is usually for emotional reason with love being part of it. Which leads to the question. Why does a person who has a good relationship leave when they fall in love with someone else? They leave to be with their new love and many times hurting a spouse and children. being a male or female doesn't make a difference. I'm a male so I just relate to it that way.
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  #17  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:45 PM
SEcondary SEcondary is offline
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Try doing a search for " I love my boyfriend more than my husband." Or I love my girlfriend more than my wife. Love varies in strength. I don't think there is any compass which keeps it the same. Its just something I'm curious about.
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  #18  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:45 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I'm sorry, but I am totally not understanding you. Is English a second language for you? Are you saying that the fact that people leave a spouse when they fall in love with someone else means that must love that person more than their spouse? I would say that is not necessarily true. I think people just believe they are not allowed to be in love with more than one person, so they leave.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #19  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:49 PM
SEcondary SEcondary is offline
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Sometimes that is the reason. They feel they have to make a choice. Sometime they end up loving someone more that their existing partner. Is English your second language or don't you just get it? The few women I have talked to about it agree. Love is not always the same strength.
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  #20  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:51 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SEcondary View Post
The comment of " Do women have affairs just for sex" is to show that it is not. It is usually for emotional reason with love being part of it. Which leads to the question. Why does a person who has a good relationship leave when they fall in love with someone else? They leave to be with their new love and many times hurting a spouse and children. being a male or female doesn't make a difference. I'm a male so I just relate to it that way.
I think people leave "good relationships" for something better because the relationship was not as good as they thought or wanted it to be, but they don't have anything else to fill the void, so they stay in a relationship that is "good enough" or "better than nothing" until they meet someone who makes their naughty-bits twitch hard enough.

My Spouse's other partner did this. Spouse said it was "just sex" but I knew they were already friends and that it probably wouldn't stay "just sex" for long. But I wouldn't paint all those cases with the same brush. To me, it's not a problem if someone wants "just sex", it's a problem when one person falls in love and the other still wants "just sex". Fortunately, the two of them decided they love each other right around the same time.

I'm not sure what you think this proves, or suggests.
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