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  #71  
Old 05-26-2014, 09:07 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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@MeeraReed, and @YouAreHere, thank you for the kind postings! While I post in this blog mostly to work stuff out in my head, I really appreciate the folks who post responses back.

Update on Beaker:

So she talked more with her doctor - or more accurately got her doctor to actually talk with her. The mass is probably not cancer but the result of an infection. So that's good. However, last I heard, they still don't know what is wrong. I'm not sure how this information will affect the tests that likely still need to happen and the course of treatment. So I'm glad it's likely not cancer but concerned still at the lack of a diagnosis. I also lack faith in her doctors, as does she.

So if anyone knows of a good doctor - internist, infectious diseases, autoimmune - really any specialty you may think useful, please PM me. Beaker is in California. I will pass any suggestions on. And if you know of any alternative treatment practitioners, that would be welcome too. (She is working with an energy worker and is aware of the possible usefulness of acupuncture.)

Thank you!
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  #72  
Old 05-26-2014, 09:16 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I went to the funeral of my uncle's long time companion. A few of my family were also able to make it which was good to see. It was heartbreaking. Not so much about the person who passed. I really enjoyed and liked her and was sad that she was gone. But she had also been really ill for a number of years now. It was not unexpected. My uncle is just heartbroken. He's a gruff, rough but ultimately a gentle person. He had his dog with him at the funeral home. Which I expected. He takes that dog everywhere so I was not surprised. He could not bear to stay in the funeral home while they had the service - he went walking with his dog.

And I see myself in his grief. I see how I could easily be as unable to handle grief, while feeling it so very deeply. How I could be utterly dependent on an animal for emotional comfort and contact. If I had chosen this or that path instead of what has happened in my life.

He's not totally alone but he felt that way to me on that day. I worry so about him. He's old and not well himself. I know my parents will comfort him as best they can. As will other members of the family. But he has become isolated - and I understand how that came to be. I could have easily gone that route, I see clearly how he got to this place, and that breaks my heart all over again.
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  #73  
Old 06-02-2014, 03:56 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I applied for a job a few weeks ago and just learned that I got it! So excited!

As a side note, it's funny to me that my career changes (new job, new responsibilities, etc.) always seem to happen after a break up. I have no idea why. I've decided it's the universe going - 'hey that sucked, here's something good to think about!'

I consider myself very lucky indeed.

Last edited by opalescent; 06-02-2014 at 03:59 PM.
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  #74  
Old 06-02-2014, 04:31 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Yay, congrats on the new job!
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  #75  
Old 06-02-2014, 04:38 PM
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Mya Mya is offline
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Congrats!
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  #76  
Old 06-03-2014, 04:38 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Congratulatlions! When do you start? Is there any change in your location or are you staying where you are?
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  #77  
Old 06-03-2014, 01:30 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Thanks everyone!

I am still at the same place. It's a lateral move to another unit.
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  #78  
Old 06-08-2014, 02:12 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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A brief update.

I start my new job shortly. Excited about it. I'm sad to leave the old one - I liked my coworkers immensely and mostly liked what I was doing. But the constant constraints we had to work through just got to be too much.

There's annoying house stuff going on. Fixing the sewer line - which was supposed to be fixed. Needing to call in exterminators. Ugh.

But I find myself rather contented anyway. Lighter somehow. I guess I did not realize how much of a 'drag' dealing with Whip had become these past few months. How much it overshadowed my life. I was actually glad I did not have to deal with him dealing with my emotions while I coped with the death of my uncle's partner and my worry about my uncle. Whip tried his best, I believe that. But he's not currently capable of being a full emotional partner to me in the ways I needed. I hope he evolves emotionally and expect he will over time. I don't blame him for being who he is. (Ok sometimes I do but I am getting over that. People are who they are.) It is increasingly ever clearer to me that I did the right thing pulling the plug. I find myself sad but not devastated.
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  #79  
Old 06-12-2014, 03:00 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Beaker update:

She was able to get disability despite not having a firm diagnosis. Apparently 'mass in lung' is sufficient. This is good because she could not work - now she can focus on healing and figuring out what is going on.

So she doesn't have cancer but doctors still have no idea what the mass in her lung is. An infection of some kind apparently but what exactly remains a mystery.

And she had a terrible experience with her psychiatrist.

People, never go crazy. Once you do, doctors will never actually listen to anything you say ever again. Even if you have managed your mental health on your own for over 20 years.
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  #80  
Old 06-12-2014, 11:42 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Glad to hear the disability is no longer hanging over her head... compounding stress with stress is just awful. I hope they figure out what the mass is soon, and are able to do something about it.

Yay on the job, boo on the house. Hope the new job goes swimmingly!
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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