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  #61  
Old 05-11-2014, 01:28 PM
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Mya Mya is offline
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Sorry to hear that. *hugs* It sounds like you were not getting what you wanted in the relationship, so I hope this resolution will bring you happiness in the long term.
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  #62  
Old 05-11-2014, 03:14 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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{Hugs} I hear what you are saying about the loss of connection.
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  #63  
Old 05-11-2014, 09:38 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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@Mya and @Atlantis, thank you. I believe this is for the best but in the middle of being sad and hurt that can be hard to hold onto.

Under 'when it rains, it pours' Beaker probably has cancer. She's been having weird health issues and has tested negative for literally everything under the sun except cancer. She goes in for a biopsy next week to confirm cancer and determine stage. The stage level will then determine treatment.

I am worried for her and sad she has to deal with this.
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  #64  
Old 05-19-2014, 05:40 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Hugs for you both...
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Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 10), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #65  
Old 05-19-2014, 10:38 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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@YAH,

Thank you for taking the time to comment. It's much appreciated - and everyone else who commented too.

Beaker can no longer work a full day. She gets too exhausted and nauseated. For someone who would rather work than anything else, this is just devastating. The biopsy was supposed to be today. There will be no immediate results.

I am glad we broke up when we did because if this had happened with me, she would have been alone except for me. I am glad she has her family and friends around her there.

My friends are reminding me why we are friends. They've been great.
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  #66  
Old 05-20-2014, 12:54 AM
icesong icesong is offline
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I hope she gets an answer as soon as possible and it's as positive as it can possibly be. Good luck to both of you.
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  #67  
Old 05-21-2014, 05:00 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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@Icesong, thank you! Me too.

The biopsy has happened. No results yet - takes about a week. I will call later to see how it went.

I am worried. Trying to just acknowledge that and keep going.

Other stuff going on -

A friend, who I have gone on a few dates with, said something to me recently that has stayed with me. I was talking to him about my irrational anger that Whip was basically waiting for me to pull the trigger on the relationship and how much I resent this. If one is truly done with a relationship, it is not a kindness to stick around and wait for the other person to get clued in by your behavior that the relationship is over. I find it passive aggressive and in my more pissed off moments, cowardly. I feel like I wasted the last few months trying to find a way to adjust, to save, a relationship that he had already mentally and emotionally left. If this happens to you, just break up. I personally fucking hate wasting my time in general, and wasting my emotional and mental resources really, really ticks me off. Anyway, he said that irrational anger doesn't work. Anger is an feeling. Irrational describes mental processes, not feelings. So describing anger as irrational is pointless. Apples and oranges. (He said it better and more elegantly. I may ask him to repeat it for me!) Attaching irrational to anger is a way to downplay anger, to discount it and not feel it as much. He was right.

So I decided I am just going to be pissed off about it, even if it isn't 'fair' or 'rational' to feel that. It was something I needed to hear and I am grateful he said so. (I still don't know if this will work out romantically or sexually with this friend but I am sure we will be friends regardless. This makes me happy.)

I am really pissed about how Whip handled ending our relationship. It's not a adult thing to do. I'm not surprised, unfortunately. I've know he is fairly passive about emotional stuff. He won't address a problem on his own generally. So not a new pattern.

I am doing the 40 days no contact thing that NovemberRain discussed on the board some time ago. I find it a very helpful thing. So not talking to him, no texting, I've unfriended him on our mutual social networks. I aim for this not to be permanent. I prefer to remain friends with exes - after all, generally the reasons I loved them are still present. But I don't know if this will work with him. I rather doubt he will put in the time and effort to remain friends. That is in the future though. Now, still pissed.

I have a date tonight. Lovely conversation online. Now to see if the in person chemistry works. Another married, poly man with a few serious relationships. He's looking for a FWB and/or play partner. And he is looking for a woman top/dom. That's something I want to explore too. Eventually, I will want to be in a primary type relationship. But in the meantime, I'm open to FWBs/play partners.
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  #68  
Old 05-22-2014, 05:21 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Default Shitty day

So Beaker does not have lymphoma. Her glands are enlarged but not cancerous.

But she does have a large mass in her lung. This mass was not there when they did x-rays in the winter. So if it is cancer, it is very fast growing. She is trying to arrange a biopsy. However, the health system is so fucked up that it will take over a month to just make the appointment, much less to actually do the biopsy. The hospital doesn't seem to care how quickly this showed up, how puzzling it is, and how large it is. She's already weak and getting weaker. It needs to happen much much sooner. I've encouraged her to go out of system if necessary. It may not be cancer but she has tested for anything else they can think of (HIV, TB etc.). They even tested her for cystic fibrosis. I've ever never heard of late onset cystic fibrosis.

Also, my uncle lost his long time partner. He's been with her for as long as I can remember. She's been ill for some time so this is not unexpected but still sad. I really liked her. The funeral is soon. My parents are away and I need to to tell them this news, and that they won't be able to go to the funeral.

Been a really shitty day.

On the other hand, the date last night went really well. I will probably see him again very soon.
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  #69  
Old 05-22-2014, 06:52 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
This mass was not there when they did x-rays in the winter. So if it is cancer, it is very fast growing. She is trying to arrange a biopsy. However, the health system is so fucked up that it will take over a month to just make the appointment, much less to actually do the biopsy. The hospital doesn't seem to care how quickly this showed up, how puzzling it is, and how large it is. She's already weak and getting weaker. It needs to happen much much sooner. I've encouraged her to go out of system if necessary.
This seems like madness to me - is there any way she can advocate for a quicker appointment, either out of system or through a different location? Make a nuisance of herself and call daily? Does it have to go through this one particular hospital, or is there one within driving distance (even if it's a couple hours away) that will take her sooner? This is ridiculously unacceptable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Also, my uncle lost his long time partner. He's been with her for as long as I can remember. She's been ill for some time so this is not unexpected but still sad. I really liked her. The funeral is soon. My parents are away and I need to to tell them this news, and that they won't be able to go to the funeral.

Been a really shitty day.

On the other hand, the date last night went really well. I will probably see him again very soon.
So sorry you're all dealing with this stress. Hugs for all of you.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 10), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #70  
Old 05-25-2014, 03:08 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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I'm so sorry for all this. Beaker's situation is frightening.

I think you can find someone more mature than Whip. You are right, waiting for you to break up with him was a completely cowardly and shitty thing to do. Emotional immaturity, check.

And anger is often totally rational, IMO. Or, as you say, totally unable to be qualified as irrational/rational.

I'm sorry everything is so sad right now.
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