Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #71  
Old 11-27-2013, 12:55 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 518
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
This is really making a lot of assumptions about how 'everyone' thinks and feels on this topic. There are plenty of people out there who value waiting, even until marriage.
Sexual, poly, AND willing to date for several years before sex? They exist. .... but how many people like that do you know?
Reply With Quote
  #72  
Old 11-27-2013, 05:56 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 526
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Actually, as someone who wishes to wait several years before having sex, poly is probably PERFECT for you

In a monogamous relationship, finding a sexually minded partner (as you've said you want) who is willing to wait years before going to bed with you...well, that's probably impossible.

But in a poly relationship, they could have, or be developing, another relationship, which could fulfill their physical needs till you were ready.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Sexual, poly, AND willing to date for several years before sex? They exist. .... but how many people like that do you know?
I think you just changed the terms of discussion.

You yourself said poly is perfect for someone who doesn't want to have sex right away, that it's monogamous relationships in which you won't find that. Now you're saying no one who is poly will accept it?

But to answer your question, yes, I do know someone who is sexual, (very sexual), poly, and willing to date for years without sex. In fact, he's even given up swinging, sex with others, everyone apart from his wife, and other relationships, in order to date the person he does, because she means that much to him.
Reply With Quote
  #73  
Old 11-27-2013, 05:00 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 518
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
I think you just changed the terms of discussion.

You yourself said poly is perfect for someone who doesn't want to have sex right away, that it's monogamous relationships in which you won't find that. Now you're saying no one who is poly will accept it?

But to answer your question, yes, I do know someone who is sexual, (very sexual), poly, and willing to date for years without sex. In fact, he's even given up swinging, sex with others, everyone apart from his wife, and other relationships, in order to date the person he does, because she means that much to him.
I meant willing to not have sex with anyone during that time. Your example is precisely why I encourage d the op into poly lifestyle.
Reply With Quote
  #74  
Old 11-27-2013, 07:57 PM
ColorsWolf's Avatar
ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA, U.S.A.
Posts: 362
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaiLatteWriter View Post
Thanks for the reply, I'd be happy to answer your own question.

I'm fairly young and so being a virgin isn't completely surprising for someone my age, but I keep my virginity because I was raised to think of sex as a special and intimate act for someone you truly care about. At first I thought this meant marriage, and it seemed an easy way to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancy anyhow. I'm glad I didn't get into the mess that is sex during high school-- too confusing and too much peer pressure.

Now that I'm older, I know marriage isn't required for sex to be special and full of meaning, but I still want to wait until I've been with someone several years and trust them completely before I think about engaging in sex with anyone.

That's the simple answer, though I could rant for ages on sex and virginity and how I perceive it.
I feel the same way and have been the same way, I am 23 years old now.~ Still no sex, but that's fine because to be honest if the feelings of emotional love aren't there for me then feelings of physical desire don't really happen for me or are just brief flickers of desire.~

I guess this is because of the fact that I regularly masturbate, so my libido is often satisfied as I have been doing since the age of 9.~

I also think that because of the way I am, staying a Virgin is easier for me: my every thing: heart, mind, body, and soul are not separate and are in every thing that I am and do.~

Be true to yourself,

ColorsWolf
__________________
Love yourself, you are beautiful!~ ^_^

*Believe in yourself, you can do anything*!~ ^_^

Appreciate every thing, every thing is precious.~

Reply With Quote
  #75  
Old 01-09-2014, 04:11 AM
CuriouslyPoly CuriouslyPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 15
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaiLatteWriter View Post
I'm eighteen, for reference. I actually have a very high libido, as far as playing with myself goes. I masturbate almost every day, and have for the last few years. And I like intimacy with a partner such as hugging and kissing-- I'm very open to physical interaction.
I'm also young, I'm in my 20's and I thought I am not able to pleasure myself until I am dating a close friend online that I have a found connection with. We're both far away, but as I get to know her...she's a romantic type like myself. We're pretty much open to discuss about most things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaiLatteWriter View Post
I don't think I have an issue with trust, per se. I grew up well adjusted with a nice family. My parents never talked about sex, so it was a bit of an ethereal concept until I started exploring my own body. The reason I think I prefer to have a long term partner before I consider sex is because I'm incredibly romantic. I loved fairy tales, having a destined soul mate, and was told to wait for the right person before having sex, so the idea of trusting someone heart and soul before trusting them with my body has become important.
I can relate. My folks raised me to be a good member of society and I feel like I am, but I refuse to live their religious views as well as live their conformist 9-5 lifestyle. I feel like sex has meaning and it's more than just pleasure. So I too want to get to know a girl first and see if I have similar views, experiences, and interests as her. In terms of trust I have good faith in a person first. I keep an open mind and I have a laid-back kind of personality, so if I sense I'm in a toxic relationship I immediately remove myself from the relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaiLatteWriter View Post
I consider sex as a whole to be comprised of a lot of different parts that can all be thought of as sex. I don't claim to define it for anyone else but, to me, sex would be direct contact with another person's genitals, be it with my own genitals or other parts of my body, which I have yet to experience. Things like making out, breast play, touching above the waist are all fine by me.
For me, anything that involves a penis penetrating the panty area (vagina and anus) is what I considered sex. Oral sex, making out, and fondling the body/private parts is just sexual gestures, but not an act of sex.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaiLatteWriter View Post
I wouldn't limit my dating to people with low sex drives or who are asexual. I think, once I start engaging in sex, it'd be something I'd take part in with enthusiasm and eagerness, considering my masturbation habits. I like learning about sex in any aspect, even things I probably wouldn't try myself, just because I think it's interesting. I suppose as far as play with other people, I'd be open to anything that didn't involve direct genital contact, which like I said is how I define sex. I probably draw the line at seeing them entirely naked, depending on how committed and involved I am with that person.
Hmm, I feel that I'm a highly sexual person, but as I haven't had sex...I sometimes have doubts and think that I'm probably not. I like sex and I expect the person I'm with to like sex as well, but on a healthy level. I also discovered that I'm into certain kinks and fetishes as well, but it wouldn't really bother me much if the person I'm with isn't kinky or have certain sexual fetishes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaiLatteWriter View Post
In short, I'm very sex positive and open to a lot of things. My desire to keep my virginity is a combination of romantic ideals and an apprehension about sharing something as personal as my body with another person. Thanks for the questions, they made me think a bit.
It's nice to hear that there are still young people out there who see sex as special and it should be exclusive to special people only. I'm very disappointed that young people or people within my peer group these days think that the emotional can be separated from sex when that's false.

Last edited by CuriouslyPoly; 01-09-2014 at 04:18 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #76  
Old 01-09-2014, 06:59 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Quote:
Its nice to hear that there are still young people out there who see sex as special and it should be exclusive to special people only. I'm very disappointed that young people or people within my peer group these days think that the emotional can be separated from sex when that's false.
Maybe youre unable to separate sex and emotions and want to save sex for some super special girly so you don't go to Hell or whatever, but that certainly isn't my view of sex. Young people don't need you to feel disappointed for them. You have your views that you've been raised with, lots of us do not subscribe to those views and feel sex is a fun activity you can do with whoever you like, whenever you like. That might be everyday with near strangers, it might be never. What's important is that we don't have people looking down on us or feeling disappointed that we are choosing to experiement and discoveru ourselves as sexual beings.

Quote:
Oral sex, making out, and fondling the body/private parts is just sexual gestures, but not an act of sex.
And this is a common claim that people unfulfilled and unhappy by their self restrictions on sex so they start saying things like "yeah, God won't punish me if I stick my cock in her mouth/he puts his tongue in my pussy because even though I'm experiencing sexual arousal, sexual gratification and even possibly orgasm, because our genitals aren't actually touching so it isn't real sex. Only real sex counts." That is weak, man, seriously. Ether you shouldn't bond with people sexually because it isn't right outside the confines of marriage or a serious, committed relationship or consensual sex between adults is always fine.

Last edited by london; 01-09-2014 at 07:06 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #77  
Old 01-09-2014, 07:34 AM
CuriouslyPoly CuriouslyPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 15
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
Maybe youre unable to separate sex and emotions and want to save sex for some super special girly so you don't go to Hell or whatever, but that certainly isn't my view of sex. Young people don't need you to feel disappointed for them. You have your views that you've been raised with, lots of us do not subscribe to those views and feel sex is a fun activity you can do with whoever you like, whenever you like. That might be everyday with near strangers, it might be never. What's important is that we don't have people looking down on us or feeling disappointed that we are choosing to experiement and discoveru ourselves as sexual beings.
Alright and vice versa, don't chastise those who see sex as something valuable and who chooses to reserve it for someone special. I discover what I'm into just from looking at porn. I don't feel the need to casually go to a girl and experiment with her. Sex is easy to come by these days, but that's just my opinion.

By the way, I'm not religious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
And this is a common claim that people unfulfilled and unhappy by their self restrictions on sex so they start saying things like "yeah, God won't punish me if I stick my cock in her mouth/he puts his tongue in my pussy because even though I'm experiencing sexual arousal, sexual gratification and even possibly orgasm, because our genitals aren't actually touching so it isn't real sex. Only real sex counts." That is weak, man, seriously. Ether you shouldn't bond with people sexually because it isn't right outside the confines of marriage or a serious, committed relationship or consensual sex between adults is always fine.
Again, I'm not religious. I have my views and you have yours. Plus, it's a bit unreasonable to assume that people who refuse to give sex up so easily is unhappy or unfulfilled.

Last edited by CuriouslyPoly; 01-09-2014 at 07:50 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #78  
Old 01-09-2014, 07:50 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Quote:
That might be everyday with near strangers,it might be never
I already covered people who don't want to have sex. You do know who Bill Clinton is right? Someone who tries to pretend a penetrative sex act like oral sex isn't real sex so they can do it without feeling guilty, wrong or dirty obviously isn't fulfilled by the celibacy they are imposing on themself.
Reply With Quote
  #79  
Old 01-09-2014, 07:55 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Quote:
don't chastise those who see sex as something valuable and who chooses to reserve it for someone special.
Just because I choose to have sex with 1000 men a month, it doesn't mean I don't view sex as valuable. It also doesn't mean that I don't think all one thousand of these men arent special.

I think you need to start saying things from your point of view: "I don't see women as special until I feel we have been seeing each other for a year" rather than "nobody can be special to someone else unless they've been dating a year". See the difference?
Reply With Quote
  #80  
Old 01-09-2014, 08:01 AM
CuriouslyPoly CuriouslyPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 15
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
I already covered people who don't want to have sex. You do know who Bill Clinton is right? Someone who tries to pretend a penetrative sex act like oral sex isn't real sex so they can do it without feeling guilty, wrong or dirty obviously isn't fulfilled by the celibacy they are imposing on themself.
I think the reason why I don't consider oral sex as "sex" is because a girl doesn't have a chance of getting pregnant when semen is in her mouth.

Vaginal sex is pretty obvious and engaging in anal sex with a girl can get her pregnant if the semen happens to slip out of her anus and gets into the vagina.

I still go by the dictionary term for sexual intercourse, but I mix in my own morals when it comes to sex. Again, I'm not religious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
Just because I choose to have sex with 1000 men a month, it doesn't mean I don't view sex as valuable. It also doesn't mean that I don't think all one thousand of these men arent special.
Sorry, but I just don't see that. Again, my opinion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
I think you need to start saying things from your point of view: "I don't see women as special until I feel we have been seeing each other for a year" rather than "nobody can be special to someone else unless they've been dating a year". See the difference?
Alright, fair enough.

Last edited by CuriouslyPoly; 01-09-2014 at 08:16 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
asexuality, dating, polyamory, sex, trust, virgin, virginity

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:56 AM.