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  #11  
Old 06-10-2013, 06:14 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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"Alternative" popular culture feels so validated by attention from mainstream media. It's like "we were rejected so we rejected THEM BACK and now they want to interview US for their reality TV show, OMG we WON, we have been approached, approved, syndicated, and accepted. We sure showed that big, bad establishment. Now THEY are US."
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  #12  
Old 06-10-2013, 04:47 PM
london london is offline
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Just say "yeah, wanna join in?" and wiggle your eyebrows. Works best on first degree relatives.
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  #13  
Old 06-11-2013, 01:44 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eponine View Post
I think the media representations of polyamory contribute to this misconception. This article about "polynormativity" is spot on...
Good article!
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  #14  
Old 06-12-2013, 03:01 PM
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RiverRose RiverRose is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eponine View Post
I think the media representations of polyamory contribute to this misconception. This article about "polynormativity" is spot on (if it's too long for you, jump to the fourth point: "Polyamory is heterosexual(-ish). Also, cute and young and white. Also new and exciting and sexy!"). Also, the media seems to be especially interested in the group marriage kind of polyamory (even though it's not the most common arrangement), so that combined with the emphasis on sex leads to the common assumption poly = group sex.
That's a great article. I love articles that make you think. I seem to have ended up unwittingly in this poly model, but not by choice. I just happen to have met my husband and got married before I realised I was poly. I'm very glad I read this article. Hopefully I can avoid the pitfalls.

I actually got approached via private message by someone from the British Press Association, about an article on poly lifestyle. They specifically wished to speak to couples, surprise surprise! I didn't respond because I don't wish to speak to the media about my life. Now I'm doubly glad I didn't, as they clearly have a polynormative model in mind.

Kim xxx.
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  #15  
Old 06-13-2013, 10:42 AM
Hetaera Hetaera is offline
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For starters, stop telling stupid people that you're poly. I don't tell anyone about my "lifestyle" unless I know they'll understand it or that they love me & accept me for who I am. So perhaps you're telling the wrong people or perhaps you need to read some definitions of poly so you can come up with a concise & meaningful explanation that explains it. To me poly is about loving more than one person at a time, it's as simple as that. And yes, sex is often involved but that's not all of it by a long shot. Also keep in mind that poly takes many forms. Also keep in mind that most people are average or less than average, which means that have limited intelligence & experiences to help them understand such things. If you think they're smart enough have them read Sex at Dawn or something on being poly. Monogamy has been so ingrained in us even with the glaringly apparent divorce & infidelity rates.

People often boil everything down to sex. I notice this with homosexuality debates. Even the most sexual people aren't having sex all that much if you think in terms of a 24 hour day. We do many other things in those 24 hours, many things other than sex & yet everyone is focused on the "yucky" gay sex part. They don't think of the many long-lasting & loving relationships of many gay individuals & just focus on the sex....totally predictable & totally lame.

So STOP telling dumb people you're poly or be prepared for stupid comments & come up with a good comeback...London had a great one ;-)
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Last edited by Hetaera; 06-13-2013 at 10:49 AM.
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  #16  
Old 06-13-2013, 08:02 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
For starters, stop telling stupid people that you're poly. I don't tell anyone about my "lifestyle" unless I know they'll understand it or that they love me & accept me for who I am. So perhaps you're telling the wrong people or perhaps you need to read some definitions of poly so you can come up with a concise & meaningful explanation that explains it. To me poly is about loving more than one person at a time, it's as simple as that. And yes, sex is often involved but that's not all of it by a long shot. Also keep in mind that poly takes many forms. Also keep in mind that most people are average or less than average, which means that have limited intelligence & experiences to help them understand such things. If you think they're smart enough have them read Sex at Dawn or something on being poly. Monogamy has been so ingrained in us even with the glaringly apparent divorce & infidelity rates.

People often boil everything down to sex. I notice this with homosexuality debates. Even the most sexual people aren't having sex all that much if you think in terms of a 24 hour day. We do many other things in those 24 hours, many things other than sex & yet everyone is focused on the "yucky" gay sex part. They don't think of the many long-lasting & loving relationships of many gay individuals & just focus on the sex....totally predictable & totally lame.

So STOP telling dumb people you're poly or be prepared for stupid comments & come up with a good comeback...London had a great one ;-)
Well no, this doesn't really apply to my situation. My mom's not dumb, my friends aren't dumb. They are all super smart and open-minded. And they all do love me and accept me--they just did not at all understand what I meant.

A snappy comeback or even a simple "No it's not group sex" would have been nice...except it was weeks/months before I realized that they had made the assumption about group sex. It came about WAY after the fact of the conversations in which I was trying to explain my new approach to dating and how I am using the label "poly."

I think other posters are right in that "poly" and "polyamory" just don't work as labels to explain poly to non-poly folks. Hell, it took me about two years of reading on this forum just to accept that yes, that label could in fact work for me. So I get that it's not a readily understandable term. Just "non-exclusive dating" might work just fine for what I want to explain to my friends and family. I'll try that. Thanks.
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  #17  
Old 06-14-2013, 02:05 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
I think other posters are right in that "poly" and "polyamory" just don't work as labels to explain poly to non-poly folks. Hell, it took me about two years of reading on this forum just to accept that yes, that label could in fact work for me. So I get that it's not a readily understandable term. Just "non-exclusive dating" might work just fine for what I want to explain to my friends and family. I'll try that. Thanks.
Also, as with any other idea people are attached to, poly seems to come with a whole host of assumptions even from other poly folks. I only qualify as poly by using the very strictest of definitions. Once all of the other garbage gets piled onto it by personal preference I find myself backing away saying "Yah, that's not me at all, have fun with that"

I've never encountered someone who had a previous understanding of what polyamory was. The very few people I've talked to about it just gave me a blank look. I live in Texas though, and we like to keep 'knowledge' as far away from us as possible.

There was a thread recently from a partner who was pissed because her partner had identified himself as "single" to someone. To the monogamous world I meet many more qualifications for "single" than I do any of the definitions they understand. Maybe in the future I'll put it similar to "I have a girlfriend, but not in the way most people mean it" and then follow up their questions with "It's not a traditional relationship"
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