Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-08-2013, 08:49 PM
MiowMiow MiowMiow is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1
Question Need Advise

Hello everyone!

I realized just a while ago I was polyamorous. I'm 24 years old and had several bf in the past. Back then, I used to fell in love for someone else and start going out with that person even though I was in a relationship... Of course it never ended well. Every time this happened I had to end my first relationship because, of course, my bf's were monogamous and I thought I was too.

Thing is, I realized I was poly last time this happened. I was in a bad place with my current boyfriend (K) and I started looking for someone else who could give me support, this time it was a friend we had in common (S). I confessed my feelings to both of them and K broke up with me. I started dating this other guy seriously, but even though we understood each other, had fun and had great (awsome) sex, I was missing K... I couldn't live without him.

Then, things got very weird for us because we started hanging out together, the three of us, and K suggested we could have a threesome. He always tell me he said that because he wanted to please me because at that time, he didn't want to forgive me for what I did to him and he didn't care to share me if I wasn't her gf at that moment. We started going out the three of us after that, but S became the third wheel, because I wanted K to forgive me and be with me. One morning, S left my place without saying anything.

So, now that S was out of the picture, K accepted me once more and we became a couple once more. After several months without knowing anything about S, we decided to search for an apartment, but we needed someone else to pay our rent... And we ask S to be the one. I thought K was going to say it was a stupid idea, but he was okay with it.

We started living together and we've been here a year and a half. S has a separate bedroom, while K and I share another. Thing is, that I couldn't be faithful to K with S around, and on the other hand, K and I had some very strong issues recently. He did something terrible that I prefer to keep for myself. He broke my heart just as I broke his back then. The problem is that I don't feel that I can commit 100% to him now that I'm heart broken and with S in the same house. I know that he is aware about what I feel about S, but as long as I don't tell him in his face, everything's okay.

I'm not the kind of person who hides and tell lies. I want him to accept that I love them both, but i'm afraid that he is too insecure to accept this. I think that the three of us already have a relationship. We watch TV together, go to the movies together, go have dinner together... Maybe K just doesn't want to say it out loud.

What should I doż
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-08-2013, 10:23 PM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Formalise the arrangement with a discussion with the three of you. Let then to decide if they want to be part of it. If they do, great. If one or both doesn't, then you'll have some decisions to make. Remember, even then, if you are left with only one viable relationship, you still have to negotiate whether that relationship will be open or closed to other people. That needs to be discussed, regardless.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-08-2013, 11:13 PM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,308
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MiowMiow View Post
I know that he is aware about what I feel about S, but as long as I don't tell him in his face, everything's okay.

I'm not the kind of person who hides and tell lies. I want him to accept that I love them both, but i'm afraid that he is too insecure to accept this. I think that the three of us already have a relationship. We watch TV together, go to the movies together, go have dinner together... Maybe K just doesn't want to say it out loud.
What should you do about what entering into a relationship which is being rejected by at least one member and hurt feelings between at least a couple of you? Hehe, proceed with caution?

Sounds like you are on the verge of a polyamorous "vee" or even a "triad". However, currently it's more of a don't ask don't tell monogamish kind of setup. There are a cubic ton of threads on don't ask don't tell so do a search (top banner) for "DADT".

Entering into relationships on the back of lots of dishonesty and hurt feelings is very likely to be tough. Certainly doing something new like a multi-partner relationship AND getting to it via dishonesty and hurt feelings... so your primary interest should currently to research how to deal with hurt feelings and recovering from betrayal. You can also search that on this site as there are a cubic ton of threads on those topics.
__________________
Independent (Anarchist) Non-Monogamy

Me: male, 40, straight, single
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:33 AM.