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  #21  
Old 06-04-2013, 04:39 PM
jetta9502 jetta9502 is offline
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WOW!!!! That is truly my first reaction. First and formost I want to say yes my other posts are from AZtriad. I am not hiding anything. I honestly have no idea what happened. I forgot my password asked to send it and it said my username was jetta9502. I thought it was a little weird but blew it off. I did not do this on purpose what so ever. I am no hiding anything.

I am very sad at what people say in this forum. I come her extremely upset and sad and all I get is BS about how triads don't work and im a unicorn hunter. I do not come in here and post to hear nothing but negative. I listen to everything that people say and take everything to heart. and I actually have used a lot of the things that people have told me to try.

As far as "us" let me clear this up. WE went in to this relationship as a closed triad. and by we I mean me, my husband and our girlfriend. This wasn't a ok im going to be with him and its a "v" this was a ok im with you and with him. So me feeling "left out" is a completely normal thing. I know it is because I have read it on other peoples post.

I in NO WAY see my girlfriend as a toy. She is a human being and I love her very much. I would do anything for her. there was just ALOT of communication issues. I do not go through my husband to communicate with her. I try to talk to her only to get dodged on the talking or the questions. so I have tried. we (me and her) had a long talk last night and I laid it all out on the table and told her. look I need you to talk to me and communicate with me. not go through him to tell me things. and she agreed.

Am I wrong to feel like im not getting some attention like he does? No I honestly don't think so. to see him get to go out on dates and have overnights with her. that's fine. I love that they get to go out and have time alone. it honestly doesn't bug me that they do. its what they need. but at the same time I need it too. so its not a matter of being upset that they do those things. its a matter of I don't get those things and I need my time just as much as he does. and that is something that we talked about last night also.

Wow I just realized this is a really long post but these are things I needed to say and get out. I am very disappointed at some of the things people have said. I am not a bad or mean person. I am not selfish AT ALL! I am actually very opposite of that. I will take something away for myself so that someone else can have it. I am the one of the least selfish people. I am a very nice, and very sensitive person. I came on here very hurt and sad. I wish people would see that.
  #22  
Old 06-04-2013, 04:57 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Originally Posted by jetta9502 View Post
As far as "us" let me clear this up. WE went in to this relationship as a closed triad. and by we I mean me, my husband and our girlfriend. This wasn't a ok im going to be with him and its a "v" this was a ok im with you and with him.
Who suggested this arrangement?

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Originally Posted by jetta9502 View Post
I am a very nice, and very sensitive person. I came on here very hurt and sad. I wish people would see that.
Telling everyone how nice and sensitive and hurt you are won't stop people from labelling you a Unicorn Hunter if you act like a a Unicorn Hunter, and nor should it. If you've expressed yourself poorly you should try to do it better next time so that you're understood, not get upset that everyone has failed to read your mind rather than your words.
  #23  
Old 06-04-2013, 05:01 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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OP with what you just posted the answer seems to be she is not into you sorry. No about of wishing otherwise will change that fact.

So now either your husband keeps dating her and things continue as a vee. Or the relationship ends on all sides. If it is going to continue set a fair Schedule making sure you get alone adult time sans the kids with your husband. Also go ahead and schedule time for you and a new partner in to be fair. I have a feeling from the gf and husbands behavior in the past that it will be hard to get them to bend. It a will be easier to negotiate a switch of days than time.

Start looking for a woman for you. Do not introduce her to your husband and family until your relationship is well founded.
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  #24  
Old 06-04-2013, 05:02 PM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
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Originally Posted by jetta9502 View Post

I am very sad at what people say in this forum. I come her extremely upset and sad and all I get is BS about how triads don't work and im a unicorn hunter. I do not come in here and post to hear nothing but negative.
What DO you come here to hear people say? I see the problem is your post didn't go as you planned, and the board didn't meet your expectations.

Quote:

As far as "us" let me clear this up. WE went in to this relationship as a closed triad. and by we I mean me, my husband and our girlfriend. This wasn't a ok im going to be with him and its a "v" this was a ok im with you and with him. So me feeling "left out" is a completely normal thing. I know it is because I have read it on other peoples post.
This is the part I don't understand. I'm sure it makes sense to you and that's why you are having trouble with the reaction. Even if all 3 of you went in to the situation with the plan that it would be a closed triad, that doesn't mean its going to work out that way. If you met two people at once, you can't possibly know that your feelings towards them will develop equally. You might want that, but you can't know going in. If everything not going perfectly according to your plan is a deal breaker for you, break it off, but you should know you're going to run into that problem over and over again. Not the problem of triads not working, the problem of things not going according to plan.

Quote:
its a matter of I don't get those things and I need my time just as much as he does.
but is it also a matter of does SHE need that? Maybe she doesn't and that's why she isn't making it happen.
  #25  
Old 06-04-2013, 05:08 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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. but at the same time I need it too. so its not a matter of being upset that they do those things. its a matter of I don't get those things and I need my time just as much as he does. and that is something that we talked about last night also.
What I don't get is why you keep trying to cling to this triad? You are not getting 'what you need' because she doesn't want to give it! It's that simple.

She is just not that into you...........when are you going to accept it and stop torturing her with your attentions? She is only putting up with it because she wants your husband. She likes you but does not WANT you!!!
  #26  
Old 06-04-2013, 05:13 PM
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What I don't get is why you keep trying to cling to this triad? You are not getting 'what you need' because she doesn't want to give it! It's that simple.

She is just not that into you...........when are you going to accept it and stop torturing her with your attentions? She is only putting up with it because she wants your husband. She likes you but does not WANT you!!!
This except I would say.. She may not even like you as a friend anymore. She seems to want nothing to do with you.
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Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
  #27  
Old 06-04-2013, 05:20 PM
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This except I would say.. She may not even like you as a friend anymore. She seems to want nothing to do with you.
It's sad, it is just so desperate. I swear this is the second or maybe third time she has broken up with them and the reason being the pressure she is getting from the OP to spend equal time with her, how much more clear does this woman need to be before the OP gets it?
  #28  
Old 06-04-2013, 05:26 PM
jetta9502 jetta9502 is offline
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the reason we broke up is because she has a lot of emotional things going on. instead of communication with us that this is whats going on she shut down and ultimately broke things off. there was some stuff going on the past couple days and instead of telling us hey I need some space she wouldn't talk to us. that's not ok to me.

Let me make this clear. she did not break things off because I was pressuring her. there was other things going on. she needed some time to herself. not just from me but from both of us. and she didn't tell us that.

im torturing her? I don't think I am. she is not the kind of person that would let that happen. she is not someone that lets people walk on her and treat her bad. she is a very strong woman. so if I was "torturing her" she wouldn't let that happen.
  #29  
Old 06-04-2013, 05:36 PM
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Let me make this clear. she did not break things off because I was pressuring her.
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Originally Posted by jetta9502 View Post
instead of telling us hey I need some space she wouldn't talk to us. that's not ok to me.
While it might not be the optimal way for YOU to deal with YOUR feelings, you do recognize that she is a distinct entity from yourself... right? She gets to deal with her feelings however she wants, including clamming up and not talking to you.
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  #30  
Old 06-04-2013, 05:39 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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so if I was "torturing her" she wouldn't let that happen
... by, perhaps, asking for some time to herself because she had a lot of emotional things going on?
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