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  #11  
Old 06-04-2013, 12:24 AM
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Originally Posted by castle33 View Post
my problem is that I feel my husband was in the wrong, even though the rule book of the game is on his side
Why is it you feel he was wrong? Just how he went all rule nazi and wasn't graceful about it when challenged? I imagine you've said even though he was right you didn't appreciate the way he made something you think wasn't a big deal a big deal. You don't have to choose to be in the middle any more than you would if somebody else was DM'ing, or Dark Knight had a problem with another player who wasn't your partner.

Anyway, don't mediate, they are friends right? Let them work it out themselves. I can't picture somebody telling me that even though I was right they think I am wrong, and feeling supported, so I'd rather just have them say they love me but wish I could let it go for the sake of the gaming group, and leave it at that. Maybe set up a plan for how to deal with it if there's another rule issue that come up down the line. If you think it needs to be mediated is there a NON-you player who would be willing to? (considering you think its more about you liking DK than it is the game)

With a partner who worked for Wizards of the Coast for a decade, I feel pretty confident in saying the final word goes to the DM, apparently it says on the first page of the rules book that the rules are only a suggestion. I'd make sure my whole group came to a consensus that DM's word truly is is final. I'd tell DK that I hoped he'd good naturedly acknowledge if he isn't following them it's for good gameplay reasons and not just to be a jerk. I don't know how he acted in the tiff - but all DM's should expect that people will no longer choose to play if they feel the DM is unfair on a regular basis.

Seriously what everybody said for big picture stuff though...
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  #12  
Old 06-04-2013, 12:46 AM
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the knight is angry because our DnD group is turning on him and the hubby is upset because he wants to "put the knight in his place".
Games are a great way to figure out who people really are, or at least a great way to expose things they seriously need to work on. Shan Yu would say to dangle them over a volcano; I say just sit them down with a game of Monopoly and watch the true colors fly!!

Hubby has made his point, pulled out rules to prove it, and now needs to shut up. It's not his game and he doesn't get to make the rules for the GM. If he doesn't like the way Knight runs then he needs to run his own game and not play in Knights... problem solved.

Knight needs to recognize that the rules simply do not support the way he wants to run his game. Then, he needs to decide if he's going to change the game or change the rules but he needs to do so with an even hand (apply the rule to good guys and bad guys).

You have the same options as hubby: Shut it, or shut it and not play in Knights game.
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  #13  
Old 06-04-2013, 01:21 AM
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Is this actually a serious issue? Between ADULTS???!!! Or is this a joke thread? Come on now. Grown men... ???
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  #14  
Old 06-04-2013, 03:09 AM
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To those responding with scorn or derision because it is a "game", please don't delegitimize someone else's emotional investment in something they are passionate about just because it isn't something that interests you. Plenty of people get deeply emotionally involved in sports even though they're "just games" too.

If it helps you to see the situation through your personal filter, just pretend the original poster said "music theory" or "politics" or whatever you happen to be passionate about. The fact is, when there is tension between two people it often crops up in unrelated areas, such as games (or political discussions, or sports rivalries, or whatever). Ignoring the underlying issue that she's asking about in lieu of pointing out that you personally would not be emotionally invested in a game is not particularly helpful.
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  #15  
Old 06-04-2013, 03:26 AM
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Well, thank you very much, Forum Police. Crikey.

I personally, was not posting out of scorn or derision - I am asking if this is a real post because it seems quite unbelievable to me. First world problem, yes, but also hard to understand that two adult men could get so attached to the outcome of a game or hobby that it affects their relationships.

OP, if this is true that your men are still arguing or in conflict over such trivialities, perhaps you could remind them that while they are having their tantrums over a GAME, there are people dying and being tortured in wars, others suffering from lack of clean water and food, and children being abandoned and abused, and all that is very REAL - so they should consider themselves lucky that they have this hobby, which at the least is a stress-reliever, while other people are trying to survive for REAL - so it's time to grow up and start counting their blessings!!!

If the game is supposed to be for fun, there's no reason to be enemies over it in real life.
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Last edited by nycindie; 06-04-2013 at 03:32 AM.
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  #16  
Old 06-04-2013, 03:29 AM
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Originally Posted by WingedVictory View Post
Ignoring the underlying issue that she's asking about in lieu of pointing out that you personally would not be emotionally invested in a game is not particularly helpful.
Well said, WV.

While the nature of the disagreement might not seem reasonable to some, that certainly doesn't diminish the fact that the issue at hand is people being controlling and prideful. This is a common issue in many relationships covering numerous issues. On *that* I think we can all connect.

PLUS this is the ONE CHANCE I have to mix my role-playing and poly experience in the SAME POST!

http://www.roleplayingtips.com/readissue.php?number=485
I just did a quick Google search; there's tons of this stuff out there with great advice (mainly group dynamic stuff)
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  #17  
Old 06-04-2013, 03:55 AM
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castle33 castle33 is offline
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thank you guys for the few non judgmental replies. I understand that it is just a game. I also know that it does have more to do with my feelings than the rules of DnD. there was no screaming or actual fighting. just uncomfortable silence while rules were tested. followed by two men puffing their feathers.

I don't know if the entire op was read but the argument ruined the dinner. knight left without eating. when I talked to him online later he told me he was starving. I also tried to pack him food to go but he declined. after he told me later that he was hungry, I asked why he did not take the food I packed. he told me it was because of pride. he knew how silly it was to pass on food. because of it, and his pride, he went hungry for the night. feeding the men I love is very important to me. even more so when we are in a country far from home. knight is here all alone. I cook daily for my husband. even when I do not feel like it. sunday is the day knight gets to have real food cooked by someone that cares about him. it's not just about games.

the hubby also calmed down later and told me he understood why I was unhappy. both men told me why they did and said what they felt was right. they also explained that they knew why the other was upset. this is big for us. progress in dealing with feelings is harder than it sounds.


I mentioned above that I knew gaming was an "easy" fight to deal with. I also asked what would have happened if the fight had been about something "bigger".

this was the first real issue the three of us have had. that does not mean it is less meaningful.

I have been coming here for years. I have never had so many snippy replies before. I know boring guy has his own way of talking to people and I am okay with that but I do understand how some newcomers may feel when they are treated the way I was in this thread. it's a crappy way to be treated when opening up about your personal life. people come here for help. not rudeness.

@marcus

we should start a poly DnD fantasy world. we could call it pippsy hollow. lol
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  #18  
Old 06-04-2013, 04:20 AM
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Originally Posted by castle33 View Post
knight left without eating. when I talked to him online later he told me he was starving. I also tried to pack him food to go but he declined. after he told me later that he was hungry, I asked why he did not take the food I packed. he told me it was because of pride.
Pride is a dumb reason to make decisions. All of the times in my life I've made decisions based on what I would have called pride I can safely say those were ALL dumb reasons to make a decision. It's a very childish clinging to "being right" when it is very clear that we are, in fact, not right.

These boys and their dumb pride need to be handled but, as others have said, this isn't your concern. You seem to be internalizing their conflict of which you are neither the cause nor the cure. You can keep trying to mediate but all you will do is cause yourself grief and potentially prompt them to make rush changes in their behavior due to their guilt of making you feel bad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by castle33 View Post
this was the first real issue the three of us have had. that does not mean it is less meaningful.
And this light issue is a perfect opportunity to practice positive relationship techniques for when a "real" issue comes up. You practicing how to deal with issues that truly are not (in any way) your business, their practicing dealing with issues surrounding dumb responses like pride... all good things to be better at.

Quote:
Originally Posted by castle33 View Post
I have been coming here for years. I have never had so many snippy replies before. I know boring guy has his own way of talking to people and I am okay with that but I do understand how some newcomers may feel when they are treated the way I was in this thread. it's a crappy way to be treated when opening up about your personal life. people come here for help. not rudeness.
Eh, I've been a table-top gamer all of my adult life and I have long since learned that those experiences (while amusing stories at times) are not widely accepted examples of "hard fought lessons"

That aside, sometimes rudeness is a valuable tool in a format like this. It's also kind of a natural side effect of a format like this.

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we should start a poly DnD fantasy world. we could call it pippsy hollow. lol
While I may disagree on the name, I'll still sign up!
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  #19  
Old 06-04-2013, 04:47 AM
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castle33 castle33 is offline
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okay everyone. THE FIGHTING IS OVER! it was over the next morning. I mentioned that. if I didn't then sue me.

yes, this is a real post
yes, gaming is a big deal to me

it was said above that this fight is not my business. hell yes it is. it's my house, my husband, my friend, and they fucked my night up. so how is it not my business?

and for those of you that think it's just a game and people are dying, starving, etc...

the hubby and the knight spend their days working in those horrible war torn places so you don't have to. forgive me if I like games because it is the only thing that can keep their minds off the stuff they have seen and done while deployed.

I don't tell other people "oh, your husband cheated on you and broke your heart??? well, suck it up cause babes be dyin' out there!"

everyone has problems. big and small. to tell me that mine should matter less...TO ME, because other folks have "real" issues is just silly.

I am no great nobel prize winning writer. I am sorry if I did not explain everything clearly. it was a small disagreement over DnD. I wanted to share on this nice poly site because I am poly. two men I am in relationships with had a problem. I needed to share my thoughts and feeling on the matter.

you guys may not understand but because of the boy's jobs I can not tell anyone else here about it. the lot of you are all I have. so thanks for your time.
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  #20  
Old 06-04-2013, 05:06 AM
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okay. I was being a snippy butt in my last post. sorry.
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