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  #1  
Old 06-02-2013, 11:03 PM
ben229 ben229 is offline
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Default impossible journey?

impossible journey?
Let me be direct if I may...
If the poly lifestyle is so perfect and possible than why so many post her like..
I need help or so confused, need advise etc..
Never seen any post on how great life is or how loving my new life is etc...
maybe I am bitter because we tried and failed. but when we started as swingers it was easy and fun, then we shifted to only wife playing and again it was fun and easy, fallowed by steady lover again perfect for her,him and I until we asked him to move in.. less that 6 months and I told him to move out.
my wife (his girlfriend) was becoming so stress, the little thing he did bugged the heck out of me and I drove him nuts at time I am sure... but still
I would like to think it is possible to live a poly life but I fear many will fail for the few that will succeed.
Yes I am in a mood and need to vent so go ahead and let me have it... LOL
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  #2  
Old 06-02-2013, 11:25 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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First of all, most people around here don't feel teh need to post when things are going well. I know it's sad, but we're too busy living our lives to post. As for me, I'm loving living poly, I know that I am loved. Sometimes it is hard on Runic Wolf, my husband, because he had a lot of dating success in the beginning when I was primarily mono because we had a small child and has not had much since, while I have had a steady boyfriend for the last 4 years and am beginning to explore possibilities with Runic Wolf's ex-gf.

The first bit of advice I have for you is DO NOT move people in. It flat out doesn't work, especially early on. We tried it with one of Runic Wolf's exes and I felt completely put out, especially when she started making plans without including me for things that we'd normally done as a family. It didn't end well on all sides, but lesson learned. We've had much more success when we aren't trying to rush things and have our own lives separate from our loves. Sometimes you need the absence, the chance to actually miss someone.
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  #3  
Old 06-02-2013, 11:47 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Even in the "mono" world, it is not all roses, champagne, and blue skies filled with fluffy clouds. Chances are, if people are pretending to be that happy, they desperately need someone to break down who they are pretending to be and show them who and what they really are. That is one benefit of poly. You are forced to look within yourself and work on yourself. If we all posted when everything was going well, it would be dull. No one wants to hear that my heart skipped a beat yesterday. (It actually did not, but it was the most sugary feeling I could come up with.)

How do I know it is not all peachy? I have now been on both sides. Mono people have just as many issues. If not more. Some of them scrape by. I am on the mono side right now, and it is kicking my butt. I am just now beginning to adjust. Three months later. I had 17 years of poly experience under my belt, so naturally adjusting to monogamy has not been a run through a field of daisies.

Moving people in is usually a recipe for disaster. We did a trial move-in with my ex and realised that living in the same home was a hell no. Not just no. Hell no. Whose idea it was it for your wife's boyfriend to move in? Some people are just not compatible sharing a household. That is just the way it is.

If you want happy stories, there is a thread for that. Poly Vignettes, maybe? I have seen it on here somewhere. I know some people post happy news. Not everyone is miserable. You are just in the section where there are many newbies, rookie mistakes, and where people seek advice.

So is the journey impossible? For some, yes. Some people are just not cut out for poly, and that is perfectly okay. Challenging? Mmhm, but I am sure others can tell you about the rewards. I am not the person for that.
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  #4  
Old 06-03-2013, 12:55 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ben229 View Post
impossible journey?
Let me be direct if I may...
If the poly lifestyle is so perfect and possible than why so many post her like..
I need help or so confused, need advise etc..
Never seen any post on how great life is or how loving my new life is etc...
maybe I am bitter because we tried and failed. but when we started as swingers it was easy and fun, then we shifted to only wife playing and again it was fun and easy, fallowed by steady lover again perfect for her,him and I until we asked him to move in.. less that 6 months and I told him to move out.
my wife (his girlfriend) was becoming so stress, the little thing he did bugged the heck out of me and I drove him nuts at time I am sure... but still
I would like to think it is possible to live a poly life but I fear many will fail for the few that will succeed.
Yes I am in a mood and need to vent so go ahead and let me have it... LOL
I do not post about my boring life... To be honest it is pretty good. My children and I just got home from spending the weekend with my boyfriend at his house. We did the usual family things.. Friday a nice night in. Saturday we spent the evening out and about with Murf's car club. Today we had a quiet day at home. Then I came back to Butch and I's house because the kids have school tomorrow.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. Is poly easy.. Heck no. But neither is monogamy.
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Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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  #5  
Old 06-03-2013, 01:26 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Oh, another one of these "my life sucks so everyone else's must too" posts.

First of all - show me where someone said that the "poly lifestyle" is "perfect".

Second - it's obvious you haven't done much reading on this forum because there are blog threads with titles like "Happy, Stable-ish, Uneventful Poly", and there is a thread called "How are you doing" for every-day updates that don't require their own thread, and there is yet another thread called "Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success and Happiness". However, something tells me you're not looking to read what others have written, you are more in the mood to hear yourself complain.

Third - the end. Have a day.

Gotta love the internet...
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  #6  
Old 06-03-2013, 02:38 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Yes, OP, you definitely sound bitter. You were probably doing it wrong.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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  #7  
Old 06-03-2013, 02:51 AM
ben229 ben229 is offline
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Default thank FullofLove1052 and BrigidsDaughter

I would like to thank FullofLove1052 and BrigidsDaughter for there post, both of them made me realized something that was right in front of me and that I didn't see. thank you both.
P.S BoringGuy, my life sucks doesn,t suck at all in fact.
I am married to a wonderful lady that fully understand me and all my quarks, a lady that is not afraid to explore her sexuality and we have enough love and trust for her to explore emotional attachment with another men.
we just made a simple mistake, it is all clear to me now and I must go talk to my wife.
Thanks all.
Have a pleasant Sunday evening
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  #8  
Old 06-03-2013, 11:20 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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My life is great and full of love with my 2 partners! I've got problems in my life, nobody is perfect, but the least of my worries is being poly. That bit seems fine. I've been actively poly for over 4 years and my partners and I have the jealousy and time sharing bit pretty well worked out. *shrug*

Moving in together too soon is a common mistake made by millions of people, mono or poly. You get swept up in the first rush of love and sex. Common advice is to live separately and date for at least a year. Sure, have some overnights, but keep your own space until you're sure your household habits, cooking, cleaning, pets, bills, organization, work habits, sleep habits, are compatible. You just can't lie around and have sex 24/7, after all. Unfortunately!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags, F, 60, poly-dating, loving and living with
miss pixi, F, 38
also seeing
Punk, 41, M (dating since Oct 2015)
and a few more casual relationships
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  #9  
Old 06-03-2013, 11:32 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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my life isn't perfect, but it wasn't perfect the 20 years I was mono, so...
the past 4 years my life has become richer, sexier, more fun, more interesting, more complex (which I regard as a good thing), and more challenging (again, a good thing - to me).

I'm never going back.
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Ren - husband of 20 years
Bo - BF of 1+ year
Lou & Jane - Ren's girlfriends
Lin - Bo's other GF
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  #10  
Old 06-03-2013, 02:35 PM
ben229 ben229 is offline
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Default thank you all for the example of possible ploy life

conclusion post... not always easy to put into words some of the thoughts I have,
if my wife has a emotional and sexual relation apart from our relation, what do I get out of it.. well I get to have a very happy wife.. that's big. i also enjoying knowing that that my wife is sexually active and that has always turned me on, so if her romance and relation with another men is apart from ours then I am not involved in there lives other that the pleasure of having a promiscuous wife. we all wanted to do this all together and at this point it was not possible for us, my wife was dividing her time well enough between both of us, we sometimes all 3 took mini holidays, I thought moving him in would make something good even better.
way too soon. never in 5 years of swinging or wife sharing has she given me any fear of leaving me. I was never jealous of her sexual flings or boyfriends but the emotional attachment did worry me, by inviting him in our home I got the trill of being a voyeur and keeping an eye on everything..
yep I mess up.
all is good, live and learn,
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