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  #11  
Old 05-30-2013, 09:23 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default "because I don't know anybody who would tell"

I stand corrected as to nobody ever telling a partner they have herpes when it isn't genital

I considered my comments relevant

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 05-30-2013 at 09:43 AM.
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  #12  
Old 05-30-2013, 09:37 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
I think it's great that you know a person who was so forth coming as to tell you they had "herpes" and did NOT have genital herpes but rather only a cold sore.

I would be inclined to call bullshit,
Says a WHOLE lot more about you than I then...I have no reason to lie, if I want to insult you I would just do it, you give enough ammunition.
I don't know where you live or the kind of people you know, but I know a few people with HSV1 and they are very aware and safe about it.
And like I said, I am negative.
Quote:
Regardless, I believe what I wrote is very relevant,
I am sure you do, but as has been noticed by a few people, you have a distorted sense of the importance or relevance of what you write, so how long before it starts to sink in?

Personally I think it is down to a breakdown of some sorts or a personality disorder but for some reason the administration appear to want to indulge your paranoia and thread hijacking further.
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  #13  
Old 05-30-2013, 09:46 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default I wouldn't be so sure

Somebody with admin privileges doesn't think very highly of me at all
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  #14  
Old 05-30-2013, 10:10 AM
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There is some hope then.....
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  #15  
Old 05-30-2013, 01:35 PM
LateToTheParty LateToTheParty is offline
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Well, hijacked thread or not ...thank you all for your input. Well, except for one particular comment near the beginning. Why would someone post something so unnecessary when one is looking for assistance? Absolutely nothing helpful there. Thanks, but no thanks. Don't care to date you either.

Both my wife and I tested positive for HSV, through blood testing. However, I didn't get a sore cultured...every time something came up, it was past that point of testing before I could get to the doctor (due to work, schedules, etc.). Makes me wonder if I should try again...but how? Stop my daily meds and wait for something to come back? Ummm...yikes.

I do think that it's simply a matter of education in a lot of cases, but being my first 'adventure' with disclosure, I'm not sure how/when to attempt steering someone toward such education without it seeming cold, clinical, and completely goal-oriented (and even though it's important to me, sex is not my 'end goal' here...I've thoroughly enjoyed the time I've spent with her so far). And even though S. has been with a good bit of people over the years, I got the sense that this is the first time she's had someone of interest admitting this news to her...not completely sure. And if that's true - it may be the case that she's been with people that had it and never told her. She agrees that she could very well have it, too, and simply doesn't know...she gets tested, but as I learned, you have to actually request HSV to be included in the STD testing. Maybe I can bring that up to her somehow. Not that I'm wishing that on anyone at all - I hope she's clean - but if she found out that she does have it, seems like there's no way her stance on the matter couldn't change.

And not to get to far off on a tangent - but I took her out for dinner last night. Felt so shitty yesterday morning - as you all read about - but after a while, just decided to suck it up and let her know - indirectly - that I wasn't going to let that crap bother me...that I'm stronger than that. As my therapist said (this guy is amazing with his dedication and email responses):

"Even though she said what she said, she was showing you something completely different. You had some real genuine momentum going, even after your disclosure. If you keep on following the path (undeterred), and let the connection continue to build, I think she'd eventually change her mind about things and be more open to you guys sleeping together." And like I said - I don't know that she's read up on it much. Maybe he's right.

So I contacted her online, thanked her for a great time the previous evening, and ended up chatting online quite a bit yesterday. Very fun, very flirty stuff. Great time at dinner...more physical affection afterward while sitting on her porch. If I were to take the herpes conversation out of my mind, it was as if nothing had changed at all. Maybe she got a little freaked and then it relaxed a bit in her head? Not sure. You girls are tough to figure out. But I have no doubt that she likes spending time with me, so there's that.

Going forward...any thoughts on how/when to disclose? Any first hand experiences, bad or good? This first time was actually easy (even though I was discouraged when S. flipped on her stance ) since she was the one that brought up the subject. I can imagine that it's not always the case, and potentially awkward at times.
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  #16  
Old 05-30-2013, 03:33 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I got a case of genital warts when I was 17. I was devastated at first. Slowly, over the years I've come to see it as a good thing, because it gives me a simple way to say two things at once to new partners -- 1) I'm a trustworthy person to cares about you and respects you, and 2) if there's anything YOU should be telling ME, now is the time!!

I have had a couple of people inform me of their HSV-1 positive status, for the record.

I don't know if I would ever date someone with HSV-2. I've actually thought about it some lately because I know a really cool seeming guy who has it. It's moot, because I don't have the time to pursue it anyway but... would I? Unsure! Educating myself has definitely increased the odds, I'd say.

If I ever did find myself with the time to go after him I might well do what your friend is doing now... get closer to him as a person, so I could decide if I felt like there was really a strong enough connection there to make it worth the risk. I would certainly take my time with it and not decide right away... if he asked right away I would almost certainly say no because as a woman you learn early on that "no" is the safe option... a "maybe" means you're gonna get pushed. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't be thinking about it and might not surprise him with a "yes" down the line if he refrained from getting pushy (can't stand pushy people...). But maybe I wouldn't... aside from the risk of infection and of possibly infecting my other partners, there's the fear that my other partners would no longer feel safe being with me the second I got with him... poly sure does make this issue more complicated, unfortunately.

If I DID decide to go for it, I would probably ask him to wear a condom and silk boxers... basically ZERO skin to skin genital contact that way... not fool proof, but actually seems pretty dang safe! If he wore crotchless tights under the boxers it'd be even safer (not to mention hot ).

Good luck!!
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Last edited by AnnabelMore; 05-30-2013 at 03:40 PM.
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  #17  
Old 05-30-2013, 03:58 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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God forbid someone protect their sexual health. I gave an honest answer. I am sorry I didn't pat you on the back and tell you what you wanted to hear.

I am sorry you have to face this, no one should. Unfortunately this is your new reality and in my opinion you need to be upfront and honest with any potential partner from day one, and allow them to make their own informed decision. Please do not be one of those people who berate others who do not want to take the risk. Let your partner choose for themselves if they want to move forward.

Unfortunately hsv 2 can be like playing Russian Roulette. Luckily it isn't fatal.
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  #18  
Old 05-30-2013, 04:27 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
God forbid someone protect their sexual health. I gave an honest answer. I am sorry I didn't pat you on the back and tell you what you wanted to hear.
To be fair, it wasn't really necessary to tell them that, after all, they just been rejected once so they realise it can happen, you don't really need to rub salt into the wound. It was just a cold and insensitive thing to do.

Also, there is no evidence that the OP wants to go down the road of not disclosing their status.
No one can afford to be smug, I know people who are chaste and monogamous who have caught STIs and then super tarty been around the block a few times (no judgement, I am talking about myself btw) who have never had a thing. A little sympathy and less judgement would be nice.

Natja
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  #19  
Old 05-30-2013, 05:00 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I took a page from Boring guy's book and added a certain someone to my ignore list complete rubbish
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  #20  
Old 05-30-2013, 05:01 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
and only HSV II causes genital herpes, and this is relevant because I don't know anybody who would tell a potential partner that they have herpes because they have gotten a cold sore on their mouth lip

the reason they may not say anything is 1) it is extremely easy to not pass cold sores to your partner with only minimal thoughts and effort (a lot like it herpes on your dick is easy not to pass) and 2) most people would only consider genital herpes to be herpes
Yes, HSV 2 is known as "genital herpes," but you can have HSV 2 on your mouth and HSV 1 on your genitals. Both types of HSV live in the spine and take the closest route to the skin when they break out, but it could be either one in either place. There is a member who here who has HSV 1 on her genitals which she got from a man who went down on her and did not tell her he had herpes, which was on his mouth but not visible at the time. He had recurring cold sores and thought nothing of it. Yes, as you say, many people who get cold sores don't think of it as herpes. That doesn't make their misperceptions true. If you get cold sores, you have herpes and should tell your sex partners.
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