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Old 05-29-2013, 05:58 PM
musicalchairs musicalchairs is offline
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Default BRAND new at this, am I doing it right?

So, I just (literally days ago) negotiated my first poly relationship. It came about so easily, I'm wondering what's ahead. I want to make sure I'm considering everyone ahead of time so, asking for your opinions. One relationship is super new but going very well. The other, we've had a strange friendship for almost 2 years now but rarely see each other. Not through lack of trying. Even though I wasn't willing to do anything to jeopardize relationship #1, I didn't want to let go of relationship #2 so I half jokingly said to 2 "maybe we can have a poly relationship". He was totally on board with it. I talked to 1 and he's fine with it (he's been aware of 2 from day 1). So far here are the "rules": 1 only sees me. I see 1 and 2 and 2 sees whomever he likes with me being his "primary" (did I use the term correctly?).

On paper this seems to work for all of us. What am I not taking into consideration?
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Old 05-29-2013, 06:48 PM
Hetaera Hetaera is offline
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I am newish to the poly thing too. Complete honesty & openness is the key I think. Someone "propositioned" me online & I politely turned him down....I was on a general website looking for a FWB sorta relationship. Somehow we ended up chatting & found out we have loads in common. He's married & his wife knows about me & 100% ok. I feel like I'm best friends with him already. I have never had such an open & honest relationship with anyone ever. Everything about it is amazing. It's sweet & totally sexy. One thing I worry about is my needs being met. He lives 60+ miles from me & has a wife & kid so our time is limited together. I'm wondering how as the secondary, I can get what I want. That being said, I just got out of a very painful marriage & need time to work out my issues before I'm ready for a different kind of relationship. I honestly want more sex & more companionship but it's feeling so magical right now that I just want to be with him even though I could easily obtain another lover. I'm hoping to find a female lover eventually because that's something I've always wanted to explore more. I feel more open & loving in all aspects of my life & even when I talk/write I feel like I have this new level of clarity that's been lacking in my life. I'm trying to take it one day at a time & not get too far ahead of myself.
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Old 05-29-2013, 07:19 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by musicalchairs View Post
So far here are the "rules": 1 only sees me. I see 1 and 2 and 2 sees whomever he likes with me being his "primary" (did I use the term correctly?).

On paper this seems to work for all of us. What am I not taking into consideration?
Condoms? STD testing? Have you all discussed your safer sex practices at all? That's important.
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Old 05-29-2013, 07:31 PM
musicalchairs musicalchairs is offline
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Default iiiodutecontainolwees

Yup, yup on the safe sex practices.
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Old 05-29-2013, 07:43 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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What are you not taking into consideration? You are not taking into consideration that things don't always work out in real life the way they do "on paper". I can't tell you much more based on what little you've shared and experienced.

But you will have more than your share of people telling you things about your relationships that is none of their business. For example, this past weekend i was telling someone that i only see one of my partners several times per year. While i would like it if we saw each other more, this frequency is not something that poses a problem. The person i was telling this to remarked, "i don't see how you can consider someone you hardly ever see a "partner". I would call it something else, friend-with-benefits maybe..." One of my best friends was there and started explaining on my behalf, but i was like, "it's ok. Other people can take issue with things that bother them about my relationships. It's MY relationship, so as long as those things don't bother ME, it's not a problem if they bother other people". That always shuts down the nay-sayers. People should do that more, instead of trying to explain and convince everyone else to "accept" them. If you project authenticity, people GET it.
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Old 05-29-2013, 09:44 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I would make sure that the wife DOES know about you and is ok with it. Some people will say their spouse is ok with it when it is not the case.
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Old 05-29-2013, 09:49 PM
musicalchairs musicalchairs is offline
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Interesting. thanks for the advice. i'm very aware of how it looks on paper only at the moment. just have to jump & see where it all goes.
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
I would make sure that the wife DOES know about you and is ok with it. Some people will say their spouse is ok with it when it is not the case.
Where did you see any reference to a wife? Apparently, Guy #1 is mono with the OP, and Guy #2 is free to fuck around, but the OP is his primary. There was no mention of either of them having a wife, or did I miss something?
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:21 PM
musicalchairs musicalchairs is offline
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Default Someone else posted....

Where there is a wife involved.
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:42 PM
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Quote:
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Someone else posted.... Where there is a wife involved.
Oh, I thought Dagferi was addressing her post to you, the OP, so I was confused. I guess it was meant for Hetaera. You are involved with two single guys, one mono and one poly, correct?
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