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  #31  
Old 07-17-2009, 11:41 PM
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Amalthea Amalthea is offline
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Yes, all three of us in the group committed to each other and the "marriage" of our three hearts...

By a V being unsuitable I mean that my being the only recipient of a dual relationship. (I would expect she and him to also be intimate, and for all the of us to do likewise... sharing the same bed, going on dates, etc. although sometimes it might be just us ladies or just him and her or me and him)

Ideally we would function as a trio and a triad as much as possible... everyone is sexually attractive/active and emotionally connected. Keeping the triangle equilateral would be a major concern. We don't want our marriage to be seen as the "primary" relationship, but I know it is difficult. I am willing to work for this because the pay off is just so worth it, you know?

This is all still so new to me it is hard to articulate it!
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  #32  
Old 07-17-2009, 11:54 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Hey A......you articulate it fine. We all have our dreams and best scenerios in mind. Here's hoping you achieve yours.
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  #33  
Old 07-20-2009, 04:29 AM
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[QUOTE=Amalthea;2912]I am willing to work for this because the pay off is just so worth it, you know?

QUOTE]

If everyone is willing to really work, I personaly don't think anything is unobtainable.
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  #34  
Old 07-30-2009, 08:13 AM
Degenerate Degenerate is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Hi every one ..want to do a little self analysis?

Lots of love for everyone, Mono.
Nice idea!


Are you looking for a specific structure such as Quad, triad or V.

No, I never have been. I am just looking for the freedom to love those who I love, and allow that to naturally find its space and build it's own path. Using the descriptions I see others use here, I am the middle point in a V at the moment, with an secondary, more causal, partner as well. I would love my V to be a triad (a new feeling for me!). The V has potential for being an M, or a longer string. I don't normally use these labels, as in my circle (which is what I call it normally) there is a fair bit of overlap, in that we are all family, all hang out together and also indulge in some lower level intimate stuff together sometimes ;-)

Are you looking for numerous secondaries without a desire for forming a life long primary relationship?

No

Are you looking for polyfidelity in a family integrated level relationship within a specific structure?

No I am looking for us all to be allowed to naturally form any loving relationships we are lucky enough to come across.

Do you want to be a secondary to others?

That is find with me buit I don't seek it. I tend not to use primary/secondary labels as I hate hierarchies and also do not live with any of my partners. If I did I would probably consider whoever lived with me a primary. In this circumstance right now, the only way to describe it would be that I have two primaries (but I suspect this makes a mockery of the language!)

These are all questions that have answers that may evolve as we change as individuals but what about your expectations today?

For me, I am 17 years in now, and my intention has always been the same and I am openminded about structure and try not to set myself any rules apart from the obvious ones about integrity, honesty,compassion, etc - I think all relationships are unique and want to leave room for that. How I practice polyamoury however, has changed a lot over the years and I am loving the more family like structure I have had in recent years, compared to my 'very separate relationships' model of the past.

De
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  #35  
Old 07-30-2009, 10:47 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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I don't have any goals in terms of relationships. Hmm. I have some goals in terms of finding someplace I want to settle in permanently and what sort of things I want to be able to do (in terms of music performance and such). I just don't have any expectations for how many romantic relationships or what form they'll take.
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  #36  
Old 07-30-2009, 10:52 PM
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Instead of goals, I have a hope that I will grow and evolve, positively, in my capacity to share, love, trust, open with others, experience joy.... So the focus is on myself, my capacities, and not on others so much.
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  #37  
Old 07-30-2009, 11:02 PM
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Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post
Instead of goals, I have a hope that I will grow and evolve, positively, in my capacity to share, love, trust, open with others, experience joy.... So the focus is on myself, my capacities, and not on others so much.
This sounds much like myself too. I do however hold some hope that there IS someone special out there that is who I am meant to be with. I look forward to the day they come into my life.
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  #38  
Old 07-30-2009, 11:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foxflame88 View Post
I do however hold some hope that there IS someone special out there that is who I am meant to be with. I look forward to the day they come into my life.
I once, briefly, entertained a way of thinking about relationships which resonates with this notion, but I no longer do. I don't think there has ever been or ever will be anyone "I'm meant to be with". When I read this, I thought, "Meant by what, or whom?".

But I'm not a theist of any sort whatever. Yet the world is no less "mystical" and magical a place, or less wonderous or good, without a God or God-like something orchastrating my fate.

There are people who come into our lives, sometimes, if we're so fortunate, that it feels as if it were meant to be. And I suppose there's a sort of way that this may be true, but it's more like how the rain is "meant" to water the flowers and the clouds are "meant" to provide the rain.... It's a natural fit.
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  #39  
Old 07-31-2009, 12:43 AM
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Quote:
There are people who come into our lives, sometimes, if we're so fortunate, that it feels as if it were meant to be. And I suppose there's a sort of way that this may be true, but it's more like how the rain is "meant" to water the flowers and the clouds are "meant" to provide the rain.... It's a natural fit.
I really like how you put this. I believe that some people are "meant" to be together in the sense that they just fit. Not necessarily opposites but like two puzzle pieces with irregular edges. My husband and I are like that. We complement each other almost perfectly. I saw almost because I don't believe perfection is possible. But being a type of Atheist myself, I don't think that someone or something "meant" us to be together.

I also don't believe that we must limit ourselves to one "meant to be" person. They could be lovers or friends or even that person who you constantly have contact with but cannot get along with. My husband and I were "meant" to be lovers and spouses. My other friend and I are "meant" to at the very least be friends. And I hope, someday, to possibly find the man who was "meant" to be the other half of our V.
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  #40  
Old 08-02-2009, 06:29 PM
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Wow, I think I'm really going to like it on this forum, with threads like this to poke my grey matter.

I guess I'll take this a step at a time.

I guess I do have a structure in mind. The idea of a V most appeals to me. My girl has a man she's mad about him. They share something that I find myself yearning for. I mean, I'm friends with the guy, but this is a very obvious V situation. Him-Her-Me. Clear as day. And since this works so perfectly for us, the next step is to continue the chain, and for me to link with someone else. Is that petty? It seems so on paper. I know one thing for sure; life waits for you to make plans, so it can break them! So I'm just going to try to remain open to everything. And everyone.

As for having many secondaries, and no primary, I always thought that was something to avoid. Now that I really think about it, if that is what I want, and isn't less than what I need, then why not? I'm such a 'needy' guy, I am ashamed to admit, maybe I need a primary to fulfill that. Someone to have around, all the time. I hate being alone.

When it comes to polyfidelity, I'm well decided on that. I am a firm believer of openness, and in trying to find peace with how the world flows. If I manage to get a nice chain of Him-Her-Me-???, and then someone shows up and 'disrupts' that pattern, then I won't fight it. Not if it works, for all involved. In my opinion, that is what poly is to me; being open to everyone, for love and sex, as long as it works for all involved.

Ahh, the brutal question, how bold. "Would you be a secondary to someone." There's another one I've thought hard about. I think I'd say yes. I've never been there though, never been officially secondary. Maybe unofficially. I put that experience down as one I would like to try.

I think, my overall goal is to fill my life with love until no more can fit. And, above all, go with the flow in my relationships and discover where they can go.
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