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Old 05-23-2013, 02:26 AM
santosha santosha is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2
Default Cali born and raised

Hello Friends and the like...

I'm new to the forum... (obviously). I am a 33 year old female in a committed 10 year relationship with a man- my husband. Last September (8 months ago) I realized I'm gay. The first person I told was my best friend and husband.

I have been sure from the beginning that our relationship and friendship was strong enough to withstand this major shift in direction- which lead us to poly.

The hiccup is that we are no longer romantically/sexually involved. I'm pretty sure that still qualifies as poly but not sure. We've both started dating other people.

I dated first- mostly to make sure that I was gay. I realized my homosexuality in a more intellectual way than being attracted to a friend or having a relationship with a woman first. I met a wonderful woman online and we hit it off from the beginning. We rented a room in an incredible hotel and spent the night together. I was hooked! We dated for a few months and I was doing ok, even better when my husband started dating. Things were going smoothly until my gf started saying she loved me and changing her life plans to fit mine. I realized that I am not good at having what I originally thought I wanted, a relaxed, uncommitted relationship with her. I think I'm an all or nothing lesbian. We broke up last week. Now I'm a f-ing wreck.

All of a sudden I am completely freaked out about my husband's, non committed relationship with his first girl thing. I have been hysterically crying three times in the last week!

I'm pretty sure I can do this but... this is really hard! The disconnect between my rational self and my emotional self is distressing. I'm rationally okay with him dating but emotionally I am a wreck!

I'm sure this will get easier but right now I feel really out of sorts.

Thanks for reading
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Old 05-23-2013, 03:54 AM
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nancyfore nancyfore is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 163


From Cali as well.. Also born and raised....

It does get better. Alot of talking to your hubby, maybe some writing (or alot if that's your outlet) and time will help.

Big huge hugs...
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Old 05-23-2013, 09:11 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,409

Hello santosha,
Welcome to our forum.

Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough spell. I'm sure it will get easier. You might find our Life stories and blogs board to be somewhat helpful.

Sometimes the heart doesn't line up with what the mind knows! Hang in there, and keep us posted on how things are going.

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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