Faithful husband planning to ask lovely wife for OM

[Magdlyn]

Unlike TL, I approve heartily of this careful longterm planning, to deal with emotions and to forestall hurt as much as possible.

Of course, once you actually find a girl, new feelings and situations will crop up.

TL, he's not looking for a unicorn as I understand it. A unicorn is a bi woman for a couple to share sexually and/or emotionally.

But kinkyguy, your expectations are pretty unrealistic. Bareback? No other lovers but you? Can't get pregnant? (Do you mean an infertile young woman or one past menopause?)That's a lot to ask.

I am glad you found help on the Practical Polyamory website. Sounds like you're off to a good start. I also like being poly because my gf and I can both get more help with our life journeys from multiple people. It's great to get others' feedback and not need to be the "one and only" emotional and sexual outlet.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by TL4everu2

NeonKaos,
My point was not what you seem to think it was. My point was, he is looking for the impossible.

Sorry 'bout that. I am a stickler for proper unicorn-terminology

I agree that the conditions he specified will limit his dating pool considerably.

That isn't necessarily a bad thing, though. As long as the OP isn't in a hurry, I think it's good to know what you want and not waste your time on something you don't want.

[Magdlyn]

We have a good discussion going on here about going bareback, Kinkyguy. You might want to read up on how to go about it. I think most people start with condoms until full mutual trust is established.

[kinkyguy007]

Update:
My wife just texted me with "You are the best husband". I think that says thanks for being honest with me and we'll work it out....Also, she is straight. Last night she admitted that she got permission to have a bf on her first husband long ago (but that included a separation at the same time), but I told her "NO!" that this is not the same. I want to be in love with both of u at the same time.....

My wife is a supreme planner...she will probably handle many of the details of this life change for us...I know it sounds to good to be true...She understands that its all me and that it should not have neg effects but hopefully positive ones on our marriage..I am always super-horney, and she felt some guilt in the past when she was not up to having sex with me....I stressed to her, if you give your consent for me to have a secondary, then It's of your own free will...it is quite amazing what someone will do for u when they love you...

I believe that since I really focused on her SHARING ME (body and soul) with another woman that it got to her....Who would refuse to share? Only a spoiled brat! She is ultra-mature.

Additionally, the process is key for me...the rules and boundaries are essential...my wife likes things perfect...and she wants to have a measure of control (after all, it's her doing the sharing!). Jumping in would be a mistake.

Also, on the bareback issue...we are going to select a secondary mate (who is unmarried) for me who is unable to be impregnanted (tubes tied, menopause, or hysterectomy)...someone older who already has a life of their own but wants to spend time with me as a husband figure about 2x/wk (and maybe a weekend getaway)....it's all tall order...but I would prefer to always try to establish a longterm relationship....Im probably not studly enough to satisfy more than 2 females (primary plus secondary) at a time..that would really be up to wife....as u can see, I want to keep the marriage...

Lastly, what have I experienced by asking me wife to allow me a steady gf to love and have sex with?.....ahhhhhhhh.....the new emotions.....just talking to my wife about sharing made her horny as hell (and she was really mad at first!).....also, it was almost intoxicating to me to even discuss the subject...can't wait to go to the other side of the wall!

PS. Where does my religion fall into this? Sorry to say...I lost my faith about a year ago....I am very educated so I have different thoughts about how our universe was created.....Also, I wanted to return to a more primal early human way of thinking...you know, conquer and fuck stuff....be the male with several females in the cave....it is our true nature (and exactly what most religions try to stamp out of our minds)...lets face it..it's instinctual for a guy to want at least a few girls around to love and fuck...Polyamory is natural....so, my journey is beginning...anyhow, take care...I'll keep u updated...good or bad.

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by kinkyguy007

I wanted to return to a more primal early human way of thinking...you know, conquer and fuck stuff....be the male with several females in the cave....it is our true nature (and exactly what most religions try to stamp out of our minds)...lets face it..it's instinctual for a guy to want at least a few girls around to love and fuck...

Hey, you know polyamory is definitely NOT one guy with several women (a harem) to fuck. Ick, as a feminist, that kinda grosses me out. Sure, it's a nice fantasy but in real life?... *shudder*

[kinkyguy007]

Instead of constructive comments on becoming poly, all I hear is negativism...see ya...this forum is not constructive to my lifestyle change..ie, Im not going to spend a lot of time with my life stories...and listen to stupid glib comments about how I got it all wrong....see ya.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by kinkyguy007

Instead of constructive comments on becoming poly, all I hear is negativism...see ya...this forum is not constructive to my lifestyle change..ie, Im not going to spend a lot of time with my life stories...and listen to stupid glib comments about how I got it all wrong....see ya.

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

Sounds awesome!

Wishing you the best!

Yup, "negativism".

Coming from yours truly.

If you don't know the definition of irony, but recognize it when you see it...

(Actually, I was pretty disgusted by the caveman remark, too, ("conquer and fuck"? BLECH!) but that's neither here nor there)

[TL4everu2]

Wow....Manipulation 101 it sounds like to me. But eh...Whatever.

Look, you can leave if you feel like it, but the reality is this: There are people on this forum who have lived this life and made the same mistakes. They have made WORSE mistakes, and some have made better ones. LOL The reality, is that they have MADE MISTAKES, and they have LEARNED from them. Then, they come here, and SHARE them, so others don't make the SAME mistakes. Our comments, are for your bennifit. Not to mock or down you for your choices. (However, you DO make some poor use of words for such an "educated" person ) My suggestion, stick around, and see what happens. You may find that some of us who have experienced this lifestyle, actually KNOW what is going on and how to handle it.

[AutumnalTone]

Originally Posted by kinkyguy007

Update:

PS. Where does my religion fall into this? Sorry to say...I lost my faith about a year ago....I am very educated so I have different thoughts about how our universe was created.....Also, I wanted to return to a more primal early human way of thinking...you know, conquer and fuck stuff....be the male with several females in the cave....it is our true nature (and exactly what most religions try to stamp out of our minds)...lets face it..it's instinctual for a guy to want at least a few girls around to love and fuck...Polyamory is natural....so, my journey is beginning...anyhow, take care...I'll keep u updated...good or bad.

Did you hear what just fell out of your mouth?

Um...wow. Such immature nonsense.

Folks, I suspect this person is a troll out looking for some sport. Or perhaps a teenager spouting off some wild, adolescent fantasies. We'll have to see if he's serious about leaving because we won't indulge him by cheering wildly over his every statement.

[Fidelia]

Good call, AT. I think you're on to something there.