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Old 01-06-2011, 04:59 AM
preciselove preciselove is offline
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Default Why does puppy love go away?

Poly people are more aware of NRE (new relationship energy) or puppy love than most. Why do you think it goes away after some time with someone? Are there any neurobiologists here that could possibly explain why "new" things mostly trigger the hormones?

I'm starting to think fear is one way to getting back into NRE, even though it's usually for a short while. In the past when I've felt fear (or jealousy you might say) I've noticed once we've "Worked it out" there is this brief NRE period again. Another way I know is experiencing some major change in our life.

What tricks do people here use to fool the mind into the NRE mode (what most people call rekindling the passion) ?
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Old 01-06-2011, 05:38 AM
Olderwoman Olderwoman is offline
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I think it involves something called "chemistry."

I spend 8 years with a guy and the NRE was long gone. (NRE is sometimes called the "being in love" or "infatuated" or "twitter-pated" phase..)

The expression is "the honeymoon is over..."

We broke up and spent some time apart, went our own way etc. and when we got back together, presto! the NRE was back again. It was like we fell in love all over again. The chemistry was once again HOT......But we still had the same problems and it did not last long. It was short lived.

Beware the chemistry. It can be misleading.
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:26 AM
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I'm guessing it is caused by the emotional brain as a whole. Telling you that you have someone who is out to you and you are happy with. Then the rational brain starts picking at all the bad things realising all this stuff the emotional brain couldn't. Really, you should use both from the start and just follow whichever one makes most sense. There's also the way people change. Not being the same person when you first met. At the beginning of a relationship they act nicer to become closer. This even happenes when you go away and come back. They begin this renewing of the relationship and so seem nicer at the start. People become lazy in relationships and take them for granted. Communication becomes your strongest weapon to combat this. Keeping things fresh and keeping true to yourselves.
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:42 AM
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http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=424

This might help to some degree.... not to link myself all the time, but I know what I have written and the process I've been through. I forget with everyone else... although there are a hell of a lot of threads on NRE if you do a search. The thread is mostly about being in NRE about all kinds of things, including poly itself.

NRE with me lasts as long as it lasts.. it kind of seems to go with the person I am with. I seem to be moving into NRE with Derby more and more, but with Mono is was instant and lasted for a good 18 months. I am still in it often. Its all so dependant on personalities and where we are at I think..
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:44 AM
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okay, found another,,, NRE timescale

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2852
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Old 01-06-2011, 09:27 PM
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Don't kid yourself - polyamorous people don't know more about it than others. They just gave it their own name: NRE. In other circles, it's usually referred to as the "honeymoon period" or "infatuation phase." It's something I have heard discussed and explored in various self-awareness groups and workshops for over twenty years, but the phenomenon is as old as the hills! Basically, how I understand it, is that the beginning phase of a new liaison is fueled by hormones, mostly pheromones I believe, which are like a drug. We are engulfed in this heady, intoxicating, hormone-fueled bliss and can't seem to get enough. Eventually, the hormones die down and off come the rose-colored glasses! Then we are left with the real person we're involved with, and start seeing things we overlooked or couldn't see before. That is the challenge of any relationship, whether mono or poly, to learn who the person really is and navigate the relationship in reality, not in fantasy, and to choose whether or not to invest in it at a level beyond those orgasmic good feelings. That's where true intimacy can begin to develop, but it's a challenge because reality isn't always easy.
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Old 01-06-2011, 10:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Don't kid yourself - polyamorous people don't know more about it than others. They just gave it their own name: NRE. In other circles, it's usually referred to as the "honeymoon period" or "infatuation phase." It's something I have heard discussed and explored in various self-awareness groups and workshops for over twenty years, but the phenomenon is as old as the hills! Basically, how I understand it, is that the beginning phase of a new liaison is fueled by hormones, mostly pheromones I believe, which are like a drug. We are engulfed in this heady, intoxicating, hormone-fueled bliss and can't seem to get enough. Eventually, the hormones die down and off come the rose-colored glasses! Then we are left with the real person we're involved with, and start seeing things we overlooked or couldn't see before. That is the challenge of any relationship, whether mono or poly, to learn who the person really is and navigate the relationship in reality, not in fantasy, and to choose whether or not to invest in it at a level beyond those orgasmic good feelings. That's where true intimacy can begin to develop, but it's a challenge because reality isn't always easy.
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Old 01-06-2011, 10:26 PM
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NRE is indeed the same as the above stated terms. Its the relationship dynamic that is different. The energy needs more directing than mono relationships I think. Its understood in a different way because it effects more people.
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Old 01-06-2011, 10:37 PM
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Phenylethylamine, an amphetamine like hormone is primarily responsible for that NRE feeling. It causes your body to release dopamine which in turn causes the release of oxytocin which causes the intense "lovey", "cuddly", feelings. Norepinephrine is also released which causes excitement toward the new-found object of your affections. After an average of 1 to 4 years we build up immunity to the "New Love" chemicals and the body slows or stops production in favor of new chemicals. At this point the brain gives us endorphins, which act more like opiates, and cause feelings of attachment and calm toward your partner. Endorphins are more like morphine or opium.

Sorry, I am typing this from my BB so I have no sources for this other than what is in my head. I can source it later if needed.
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Old 01-06-2011, 11:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
NRE is ineed the same as the above stated terms. Its the relationship dynamic that is different. The energy needs more directing than mono relationships I think. Its understood in a different way because it effects more people.
Oh, yeah, for sure, I imagine. In a mono relationship, the hormones subside and you've got the "task" of dealing with the person without those heady first feelings coming up again. But when you're polyamorous (speaking from what I've read and gathered from others' experiences, not my own -- yet), you have to deal with it again and again whenever you get involved with someone new, and it plays into all your relationships numerous times. So, while that particular phase of relationship is common to all, yes, it would seem that polyamorous ones have to pay more attention to acknowledging/directing/managing it.
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