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  #61  
Old 08-12-2009, 12:39 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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*hugs*
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  #62  
Old 08-12-2009, 04:09 AM
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thanks Fidelia.
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  #63  
Old 08-17-2009, 06:36 AM
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Here I go again...

How in the world do you move on from someone you can't, no matter what you do, get out of your head? I can't give him up as a friend and I won't give him up as a friend. I can't keep my brain busy 24/7 and even those moments when my brain is busy he just creeps back in there.

We actually went 5 days without talking. I caved finally and IM'd him today. Although we aren't back to our deep and thinking conversations (which I can understand) and it did feel a little more two sided, but not by much. And he did it again, he left without saying goodnight...although he may have fallen asleep at his computer (he's done that before lol).

I've been moody and mopey all weekend...and most of last week too for that matter. Hubby is wonderful and keeps trying to help but he knows there really isn't anything he can do except to be there for me. I've told him about this, how Elric is always on my brain, and he is being very understanding and isn't jealous or anything, just worried about me. And I'm kinda worried too, I've never felt this way, this strongly about anyone before.

I could probably go on for hours, but I have to shower before I go to bed and we have an early apt. tomorrow with the Couples Counselor which I get to go over all this with, so I will say goodnight. Now worries about advice or whatnot, just needing to vent a little...unless you have a sure fire way of getting the romantic love out of my brain.
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  #64  
Old 08-17-2009, 06:44 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Ahh, poor Vandalin. I feel for you. I too have suffered many a night wondering what the heck is going on and feeling hopeless to do anything about it. I feel your pain. It sucks. Believe me sweets, it passes. I just looked back today as a song came on that reminded me of a love that went wrong and that ended abruptly with no communication.... I couldn't believe how I felt nothing for him anymore and how I could think of everything that happened as if it were a story rather than a huge emotional turmoil that I thought would never end. hang in there my friend. We are all rooting for you and hear for you
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  #65  
Old 08-17-2009, 06:53 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Vandalin, I really feel for you but I also really think you need to let go of this somehow. He has made it clear that you can only be friends and not saying good night to you every day is pretty normal for just friends. Remember to focus on building what is possible with him and don't delude yourself into thinking he is not being honest in what he wants, sometimes you just have to trust.

I would suggest you try not to reach out for a while. This may come off as desperation or clinginess, which may push him farther away. Give it more time; let him come to you to rebuild the friendship. If he really wants to be a part of your life he will reach out himself. The ball is hypothetically in his court, let him decide to serve it or not.
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  #66  
Old 08-17-2009, 12:12 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Vandalin, I really feel for you but I also really think you need to let go of this somehow. He has made it clear that you can only be friends and not saying good night to you every day is pretty normal for just friends. Remember to focus on building what is possible with him and don't delude yourself into thinking he is not being honest in what he wants, sometimes you just have to trust.

I would suggest you try not to reach out for a while. This may come off as desperation or clinginess, which may push him farther away. Give it more time; let him come to you to rebuild the friendship. If he really wants to be a part of your life he will reach out himself. The ball is hypothetically in his court, let him decide to serve it or not.

Vandalin, I was thinking exactly the same thing; thanks Mono for saving me from having to type it myself.

You know I just went through (still am) almost the same situation you did.
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  #67  
Old 08-17-2009, 12:27 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Oh hun. I too know this hurts from experience. I dated someone almost 9 years ago now who will always be in my heart and who I now have a very one-sided relationship with. I IM him whenever I see him online, occasionally get him to talk, and he only starts a conversation when he needs me or when he's been drinking. N knows how I feel. But the truth is, as much as the love is still there for me, all the romance has gone out of it. It just took time and the realization that I've done all I can with that relationship. As has been said before, the ball is in his court. Time, time, time. Sometimes it is all that heals the wounds.
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  #68  
Old 08-17-2009, 07:41 PM
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Thanks for the thoughts guys. I know what you all are saying and I am working on it. I did go 5 days without initiating contact after all and considering that's coming down from talking every night? So this time I go a longer.

It's weird because I'm not afraid of loosing him entirely as a friend, that is what we both have wanted from the beginning and we both have stated that this is what we still want...but I am afraid of not having the level of friendship that we both wanted from the beginning and that I believe we both deserve (if that makes sense).

Yes, time it will take and time I will give.

And Mono, I didn't mean that he doesn't say goodnight to me every night now. But when you are talking to someone in IM, having a conversation no matter how small talkish...wouldn't you say goodnight or at least close off the conversation? He always said goodnight whenever we are chatting unless he falls asleep which is what happened again.

I really do think he is trying. He was playful and fun when we were talking about "safe" things like the games we were playing on FB or his daughter. I honestly think he may just be worried that "evil selfish bitch" might try to make an appearance and that is what I'm trying to show to him, that she is gone and the old me is back...but without shoving it in his face.

Anyway, I will give it more time this time and with luck he will talk to me again, of his own volition, within the next few days. Thanks again for all your support guys, it is really appreciated.
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  #69  
Old 08-17-2009, 08:08 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vandalin View Post
He was playful and fun when we were talking about "safe" things like the games we were playing on FB or his daughter.

I honestly think he may just be worried that "evil selfish bitch" might try to make an appearance and that is what I'm trying to show to him, that she is gone and the old me is back...but without shoving it in his face.

.
I love "safe" topics myself although I am uncertain what an unsafe topic would be except maybe sexuality. I must admit sexuality is not a topic that used to come up a lot with my "just" friends in the past. Now that I am in a different atmosphere it seems to be in every conversation LOL! I could definitely understand his hesitancy to talk about anything related to intimacy and sex if these are the topics you are referencing.


"evil selfish bitch" is a bit strong don't you think V? Don't be so hard on yourself.

Smile a little
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  #70  
Old 08-23-2009, 04:32 AM
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Today is day five... only a few more hours left until day six...and this is killing me.

Sorry, not meaning to drag this on and on for you guys. Just don't really have anyone else to talk to about all this. I go on and on about him to my hubby and even though he never says anything negative and will sit and listen to me drone for hours while trying to be as supportive as he can, I don't think it's fair to him to have me going on about my "friend" all the time.

I have no problem with "Elric" staying in my heart forever but I just wish sometimes that I could get him out of my head for more than five minutes at a time. No matter what I'm doing, pop! there he is again. Dishes, laundry, shopping, changing my daughter diaper for crying out loud!

Is a little normalcy in our conversations so much to ask for? Or at least knowing if this is his normal behavior with other friends or is it just with me. Just knowing that I'm not bugging him or that he wants to talk with me would do wonders.

Gotta go now. Head is hurting too much. Thanks for putting up with me again.
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