Long info dump vent...

[Mark1npt]

That's wonderful Vandalin. Hope you two can deal with the distance successfully. Good luck! Oh yeah....the NRE.......ain't it grand?

[foxflame88]

Good luck! I hope this works out well for you! I too am dealing w/ a long distance relationship. It isn't easy, but the best things are worth working for.

[vandalin]

Originally Posted by Quath

Enjoy the NRE!

Ohh I am!

And thanks for the vote of confidence. I know everything won't get figured out on one date, but maybe he'll see that it might just be worth a try.

[vandalin]

So, first portion of the weekend away...didn't go as well as it could have, but definitely made some headway. "Elric" and I met up and talked for a few hours and then met up with "Cajun", our daughter and my mom for dinner.

I'll start with the main problem...my mom was with us. She knows nothing about what is going on yet. So it was kinda difficult, when my men finally got to meet for the first time to have sort of conversation about what the three of us were really thinking about. Good thing it was dinner and we could be kept busy by feeding our faces. :P But at least they didn't take an instant dislike to each other.

On the other hand, he and I made some headway this afternoon. We actually had a chance to discuss things. Up until now it was always just talking TO each other, this time we actually talked WITH each other. We did a lot of discussing on things we had said before so that we could really understand what was going on in our minds and hearts. I learned things about him and he learned things about me. His current concerns are valid, but they aren't anything that cannot be dealt with, especially with time, patience and communication.

We unfortunately had to stop as we had to go meet up with my hubby (and mom) for dinner, but I will be seeing him again on Monday as well as Tuesday night, before I head back home Wednesday...and a lot can happen between now and then.

Of course, the one thing that I had confirmed for myself is how I feel about him, and that I would do a lot, wait and/or "date" him as long as he needed for us to have a chance to be together.

On a positive thought, he didn't seem to want to let go of our hug at the end of the night.

[vandalin]

It's over.
It's done.
My heart is in pieces.
Now I go home to my husband to start to heal.

[redsirenn]

I am very sorry things did not work out how you hoped.

[Mark1npt]

So sorry to hear that Vandalin. If there's one thing I've noticed so far in this poly life it's that there really needs to be just the right set of people and the right set of circumstances for it to all work out. Of course that's always been the way in a conventional relationship as well, just seems all the more difficult in poly. I hope you heal soon and find the one you're looking for. Keep loving!

[MonoVCPHG]

Sorry Vandalin..here is something I just wrote on another thread. Not that it will take your pain away but your friend sounds very mono to me.

As a mono person I can pretty much guarantee we develop differently. I doubt that the pairings your ex had were any more loving but they probably came with a sense of security whether artificial in her cases or not. It's just nice for a mono person to know or at least think they are enough for the person they love.

All of us have to admit that polyamory fills a void, completes ones ability to love or expands it. It's not all about "I have so much love to give" it's more about "I need more Love".

To a mono person, this hurts on a primal level. It can either be overcome by the degree of love in the relationship or it will be too much and they must go their separate ways to remain healthy.

I have always said I would almost never recommend a monogamous person get involved with a poly person and I stand by that. I have a wonderful relationship with Redpepper and yet I know I would not seek out or accept the love of another poly person if we were not together.


If you don't have the capacity to intimately love more than one person it is very hard to accept it in your partner.

Nothing can take away some pain such as a break up except for time, time and more time.

I hope you feel better soon Vandalin..take care

[vandalin]

He loves me as a friend, he is sexually attracted to me, but he doesn't feel that he loves me romantically. Nothing was brought up about the poly-ness of a future relationship although I know that was in the back of his mind.

Thank you, all of you, for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. Thank you.

[Quath]

I am sorry it didn't turn out so well. Will just being friends, maybe even sexual friends, be something you would want?

I could say something about other fish in the sea, but that is so cliche when your heart is hurting. Try to do stuff to get your mind off of this and let time heal some of this pain.