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  #11  
Old 05-10-2013, 12:25 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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In the end, you didn't care what she wanted. You only cared that she didn't want YOU. Would you have insisted that your husband continue to be affectionately demonstrative with her, even if he had realized he really wasn't into her, because it's "all or nothing"? Somehow I don't think so. Somehow I think you would have respected his feelings and autonomy more than that.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #12  
Old 05-10-2013, 12:34 PM
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"I started to notice little things. We only kiss when I kiss her. We only touch when I touch her. We are only sexual if I start it."

The reaction of a person who cares about genuine consent:
"Oh wow, this person doesn't really seem to be into me, but is going along with it anyway. The rejection stings a little, but far worse is the thought that they might be doing something they don't want to do because they feel pressured. That's the last thing I want. I'll give them some space so I can be sure that I'm not pushing anyone to have sex they don't want to have, that would be awful."

Your reaction:
"I started to feel very unwanted and almost like to have Nails she had to have me so fine!"

Paraphrased:
"You're here to fill a role, and I have access to something you want and am willing to use that power to manipulate you into filling it in order to assuage my hurt pride and feeling of entitlement to your body and heart."
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #13  
Old 05-10-2013, 01:40 PM
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sortafairytale sortafairytale is offline
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Annabel- The both or nothing reaction was more out of shock she actually said him then anything. I had come to both of them several times since I've been feeling left out about them branching off without me and her and I trying to focus on just our friendship only. Both of them said no it wouldn't feel right. I encouraged them even more by setting up a day where they could be alone while I was at work thinking that if I gave them a chance that they would see they could work without me. Still both said no. Maybe I should have mentioned all that in the beginning but I was starting to get long winded and tried to just wrap it up.

It doesn't really matter any more. Giggles beat me to the chase and last night called and broke up with Nails and I over the phone claiming we didn't give her enough affection and attention...not sure where she's getting that from but if that is how she feels it's how she feels and I'm sad that we didn't give her enough even though we felt like we were giving her everything. I offered Nails again the opportunity to have her on his own and he refused stating that most of what he was feeling was for the three of us and not just her so he would let things end how they are. He also admitted that over the last month he has been trying to figure out how to end things with her without hurting both her and me. So there we have it...it's over and while I'm saddened by it, heartbroken by it, I know relationships end. I just want her to be happy with or without us.
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Sortafairytale: 40/me/Bi
Nails: 42/husband married 16 year together 18/straight
Pumkin: 25/my kissy face friend sorta gf
John5: 38/Pumkin'a BF and good friends with Nails and myself
Snuggles: 25/dating Nails and Me
Giggles: 37/the ex-girlfriend

Buzz: 20/oldest son adopted at 2 by Nails
Stitch: 17/youngest son with Nails

Last edited by sortafairytale; 05-10-2013 at 01:56 PM.
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  #14  
Old 05-10-2013, 02:27 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Good for you for seeing the obvious solution, it's a shame they weren't willing to consider it. I'm glad for you all that you can move on, it seems like it'll be much better. *sigh* Sorry for getting so worked up.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #15  
Old 05-10-2013, 02:31 PM
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Annabel- Don't apologize ever for how you feel. Whether I agree or not with what people say I completely respect their right to say it! It gives me a chance to look at things from other angles other then my own. FYI love reading your blog and your replies. Your words always sorta gave me the opportunity to see things as Giggles might.
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Sortafairytale: 40/me/Bi
Nails: 42/husband married 16 year together 18/straight
Pumkin: 25/my kissy face friend sorta gf
John5: 38/Pumkin'a BF and good friends with Nails and myself
Snuggles: 25/dating Nails and Me
Giggles: 37/the ex-girlfriend

Buzz: 20/oldest son adopted at 2 by Nails
Stitch: 17/youngest son with Nails
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  #16  
Old 05-10-2013, 03:05 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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I think it is all for the best but please 'SortaFT' just because a woman might not be into you, doesn't mean she is not bi or 'not so bi' she was just not gay for you, in other words, she fancied Nails more.

I really hate women being slated as being 'not really bisexual' because they were not into both members of the couple. Sometimes some people just mesh better with one or the other.
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  #17  
Old 05-10-2013, 03:30 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sortafairytale View Post
Annabel- Don't apologize ever for how you feel. Whether I agree or not with what people say I completely respect their right to say it! It gives me a chance to look at things from other angles other then my own. FYI love reading your blog and your replies. Your words always sorta gave me the opportunity to see things as Giggles might.
Aw, thanks, that's nice to hear, and I respect your attitude.

I suppose, then, I'll say one more thing that was on my mind. The title of your thread actually encapsulates the problem for me. A horse is a cool, beautiful, strong, useful animal. Trying to make it into a unicorn (whether it's the "rider" or the horse itself that has the idea) is just going to lead to frustration, feelings of inadequacy, and the squandering of the really cool opportunity to enjoy the horse for the awesome thing it is!
__________________
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #18  
Old 05-10-2013, 04:32 PM
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sortafairytale sortafairytale is offline
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Natja- She is the one who has said she is not bi that I was the exception, I mean no offense to her or anyone else by changing my signature. She stated in the break up that women are not her thing, I was her thing and Nails and I as a couple were her thing we just couldn't give her what she wanted. More then once through our relationship she told not just the two of us but people who asked that she was not bi. Hell I started off claiming the same thing myself. "Oh Giggles is just a fluke thing. I don't know why I kissed her back but I did and I liked it. I will never kiss any other girl." Of course now I realize that isn't true. I don't know how soon I'll get into another relationship with a woman but is something I would be open to in the future.

Annabel, The unicorn title was something Giggles placed on herself. I never wanted her to be anything but Giggles. I understand your point and all I mean by the title is the beautiful creature we had while still beautiful was an illusion that she made. Not because she lied cause I don't believe she had malice at all in this, I think it was an illusion because she was caught up in it and then realized I wasn't what she wanted. I'm ok with that. The last thing I ever would want is someone to be with me because they felt like they had to be or because I try to mold them into something they are not.
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Sortafairytale: 40/me/Bi
Nails: 42/husband married 16 year together 18/straight
Pumkin: 25/my kissy face friend sorta gf
John5: 38/Pumkin'a BF and good friends with Nails and myself
Snuggles: 25/dating Nails and Me
Giggles: 37/the ex-girlfriend

Buzz: 20/oldest son adopted at 2 by Nails
Stitch: 17/youngest son with Nails
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  #19  
Old 05-10-2013, 04:50 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sortafairytale View Post
Natja- She is the one who has said she is not bi that I was the exception, I mean no offense to her or anyone else by changing my signature. She stated in the break up that women are not her thing, I was her thing and Nails and I as a couple were her thing we just couldn't give her what she wanted.
Sometimes when people have a bad experience with one, it is easy to feel that it is women all around, not just that one woman. So bear that in mind.
Also why have her in your sig anyway, exes who are still in your life (if she was still with your husband for example) that would be different, but she broke up with you both, just remove her.

Quote:
I don't know how soon I'll get into another relationship with a woman but is something I would be open to in the future.
I hope you will consider looking for a woman without the condition that you come as a package deal, it is a hard ideal to live up, it is hard to maintain and you could very well be in the same position you are in now again over and over.

Natja
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  #20  
Old 05-10-2013, 06:03 PM
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sortafairytale sortafairytale is offline
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Natja- Mainly keeping her in my signature as a reference for my blog. I will eventually remove her completely, I have no other reason.

As for the package deal. That was just how it went. It caught all three of us by surprise and we went with it. We made mistakes all of us and I hope we all learned from them. Nails and I talked and right now he's pretty certain that if this happens again the woman will have to either want just me or both of us. He doesn't want another woman and he doesn't think he's poly to the degree of running two or more relationships. Friendships with the possibility of sex now and then is more of what he wants. It doesn't mean that won't change later, it's just how he's feeling for now and how he was feeling for the last month or so.
__________________
Sortafairytale: 40/me/Bi
Nails: 42/husband married 16 year together 18/straight
Pumkin: 25/my kissy face friend sorta gf
John5: 38/Pumkin'a BF and good friends with Nails and myself
Snuggles: 25/dating Nails and Me
Giggles: 37/the ex-girlfriend

Buzz: 20/oldest son adopted at 2 by Nails
Stitch: 17/youngest son with Nails
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