thanks for reading!
Hope your days have been well and grand.
I'm 23 years old and I live out in Asheville, NC. I'm attempting to expand out in a world of openness, honesty, creativity, love, and Perfection. I've been reading a lot about polyamory and listening to podcasts. I've been trying learn as much as I can for the past couple of years and it feels like this past year has been full of wonderful experiences and people that continue to expand my understanding more and more everyday, and I am grateful!
Almost a year ago I met someone who has completely changed my life simply by knowing her. Describing our relationship is difficult because of the weight of labels. We are lovers, friends, partners, collaborators, daddy/daughter, mother/son, sisters, brothers, dancers, artists...
She has dark skin, she was alive during segregation, she is a priestess of Osun, she was raised a southern Baptist, I could go on forever lol. Meeting her, learning about her life and beliefs taught me the power of love, importantly self love. This is a lesson that was never present in my life, now I was never largely abused through childhood, and I know my family loves me it's just that I wasn't raised with the greastest foundations in communication, inwardly directed introspection, and loving intimacy. You see my life has been an interesting one because when I was nine my mother decided to commit suicide. This left me with turbulence, new schools, custody battles, and a hurt family that to this day is still too pained to speak about her death and its effects still felt today.
Obviously I've also lived a life without a prominent mother figure. How has this affected my development as a individual being raised in Western society?
Who knows! I don't. I notice that I am different from most people in social situations.
It feels like not having a mother in life and living with my father who worked a lot and living with a grandmother that spoke most Spanish (I didn't pick it up unfortunately) left me without a lot intimacy or even the capability of being aware of that lack. I feel like that's why I'm drawn to a poly lovestyle.
So meeting Valeria has really opened a doorway into myself where I'm free to learn, experiement, and explore, attempting to do no harm and operate within the limitless of Love.
Knowing her has freed me. So in that freedom I turned to craigslist>casual encounters.
Lemme hear it: Awww yea..
Where else can you find opportunities to meet people and explore sexually? Everywhere sex and sexuality seem to be repressed, at least that's been my experience.
So anyway, I posted an ad yesterday titled: let's get naked, talk, and masturbate!
So I found it pretty ironic to meet people through an ad kind of centered around casual sex but instead we just ended up smokin' n' chillin'. What was interesting is that it was mainly her that had responded to my ad. It's unclear exactly how we all will move through this. They claimed to identify as swingers but I'm not sure if communication is in place between them about what that looks like or if anything that I'm looking for is of any interest to them.
What am I looking for?
Safe, consentual, sexual freedom?
So here I am the day afterwards feeling awkward about texting her, not knowing if last night was just a random "few and far between" event or if there is possibility for something fun, different, and magical. This is some romanticized BS huh?
How am I supposed to approach this? One thing they mentioned when I asked the guy about how he felt about her playing with someone was that it's her call. Totally makes sense right? But still he is a part of the relationship so for me his feelings are relevant. They've been together for four years so I can't imagine that he's truly so laissez-faire about this. Plus is he interested in playing as well? How can these questions be asked without scaring people away? How can we talk about these things?
Thank you for reading my mind vomit.
Last edited by DeviousIceCream; 05-09-2013 at 11:04 PM. Reason: title was misleadin'