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  #21  
Old 01-06-2011, 02:43 AM
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geminigirl geminigirl is offline
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When I'm on a date with one partner, I generally don't like to be distracted by texts or calls from another. Mind you, I don't have a primary partner who I live with, but with four partners, I can still get a lot of messages in a day if I don't communicate to them where I am and what I'm doing.

Usually I make sure my partners know when I'm out on a date so that they know to wait or send an email for later. Exceptions are made for emergencies, of course.

I don't mind too much if my partner gets a message or call from their other partners during our date, but again, if it gets to be a habit, is excessive (more than a text or two) or creates a distraction/spoils the mood then I'm not super happy about it and will tell my partner so.

One of the trickiest things about being poly can be focusing on the person you're with while you're with them. This includes things like not worrying about the kids, your job, what's on TV or what to have have for dinner tomorrow as well as thinking about your other partners. To me, when time is precious (as it so often is in poly relationships) it's simply respectful to make an effort to focus on your partner when they are with you. It is NOT disrespectful to send or receive a quick text message (unless you're actually having sex at the time.. that's a bit much).
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  #22  
Old 01-06-2011, 07:05 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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This has gone on to the cell phone interruption thing... what interrupts my dates is this forum more than other loves or people in my life. It depends on the date for me really, if we are just hanging out then I usually make some passing remark of "oh look, my brother wrote me an email..." and not read it, or read it depending on the interest. If it's a serious date of attention face to face, body to body, then the phone is on but away. I check it an opportune moment to be sure no one has called to say "LB is in the hospital, where are you?" But that is it.

I decided early on that if someone texts while I am out with someone and I can't repeat it out loud then I will not respond. Sometimes I need to respond and I make sure the person I am with knows why... I find that this "rule" for myself has worked well... also leaving the ringer on phone only has helped. If I can't hear it... I won't look... of course there is the light I need to hide however.

I am finding that the longer I have a cell phone that directs all emails and texts and facebook update, the less I feel that desperate need to check it all the time. I usually skim and note what I need to look at later or on a break. Everyone who knows me accepts it I think as they are in the same boat... Mono is terrible! He just got an upgrade and can't keep his eyes off of his phone!
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  #23  
Old 01-06-2011, 07:11 AM
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I try very hard to not interupt dates. I may call when it is getting close to his time to come home to say" Pick up _____ on your way please". If I've not been feeling good Karma will actualy be the one to call me and make sure I'm doing okay.

I see it as I dont want our time interupted so I'm nto going to interupt theirs. that's another good thing of us having a determined "I'll be home or call by ___" that way I'm not calling and bugging them to find out when he'll be home.
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  #24  
Old 01-10-2011, 04:19 PM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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TP keeps in touch on dates, and usually has told me the where/when of her date; mind you usually once a week we have Mr. A over for dinner and hang out together, so the communication is much more free.

That being said I have not communicated with her at times on her dates strictly to give her and Mr. A their own space. Like this weekend they were having their anniversary dinner, and I intentionally did not message them after I texted Mr. A to wish him a happy anniversary and to remind him to compliment TP on her new haircut.
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  #25  
Old 01-11-2011, 03:23 AM
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it sounds like he's trying to hide something...maybe he really likes this person more than he wants to admit. mb he's taking advantage of your openness.

i am just guessing, i don't know him or you. but, do you think that he will respond positively if you really tell him how you are feeling, that you don't understand why it seems like he's fighting you on the issue.

good luck.
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  #26  
Old 01-11-2011, 03:53 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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It really depends on the type of communication agreed upon and exercised in the relationship- what is comfortable for the parties involved. Maybe you two should have a conversation about that. Maybe you should calmly explain to your partner why this information is important to you and he can explain how he feels about having to disclose it. Maybe if he realizes that it is less about keeping 'dibs' on him and more about concern, courtesy, and maybe a bit of codependence (that may not be the right word) on your part due to the sketchy neighborhood, he would be more understanding and cooperative.

Personally, I don't require updates, check-ins or what have you. I would like my partners to tell me where they are going and what time they are meeting up but providing updates if they decide to go somewhere else afterwards or a return time isn't necessary for me; however, I am naturally more forthcoming with my information but that is my choice and I have learned, due to situations constantly backfiring and people reminding me, that I cannot hold other people to the standards I choose to exercise. I like to serve by example but most people don't pick up on that and I cannot be mad at them because I've made a decision to do something I was not asked to do and they don't adopt my way of doing things. Whatever is of utmost importance should be verbalized clearly and discussed rationally. I hope you guys have worked it out.
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  #27  
Old 01-11-2011, 05:52 PM
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I just want to know what time my husband will be home. I don't fall asleep well when I'm thinking that as soon as I drift off I might be awoken. Once I'm really asleep that's it, I'm not waking up till morning.
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