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  #21  
Old 05-06-2013, 10:07 PM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
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I don't see the part of the story where she is preventing his education. He responded himself by saying she wants him to get an education, she just doesn't want him to move to another town to do it which happens to be tied to a new person. As I understand, it was not his plan to go to that school at that time before the new girl came along. He wanted to marry this woman and was totally committed to her until he met a new person and she made him question what he was doing with his life. That sounds like NRE to me.

He says he planned to go to school all along but hasn't been moving forward with those plans while engaged. Is that really her fault? Ok so she gave him a job he doesn't need a car for and a place to live. That may have contented him into inaction. I'm sure there are students struggling with finding a job and paying for a place to live who might think that would take a lot of pressure off and make it easier to go to school.

I can see how you could be right about the older woman. I also see the OP saying repeatedly that he has been motivated to go to school by the new partner because she is going. That he wants to Sign up for classes with the new girl, move to her town and start his education and grow with her. The same way he moved to the other womans town, into her house, working for her business. Probably while he was in NRE. What happens when the new girl throws a wrench in? She drops out of school or they have an ugly break up. Now suddenly it's not so motivating to be in her town going to school with her. What if he meets someone else next week who has different ideas?

I'm not concerned about the NRE leading him to leave his existing partner for her sake as much as I am about it being what leads him in any direction. Of course he should go to school, that shouldn't be wrapped up in the relationship issues at all. Is the first partner preventing him from going to school or is the new partner just making going to school with her look really really good right now? Lets say we're both right and the older woman is not handling a relationship with a younger person appropriately and he's also being influenced by NRE with a new partner. I guess my advice remains the same. Go to school, be aware of influences, think for yourself, slow down on the lifelong commitments.
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  #22  
Old 05-06-2013, 10:11 PM
PapaRhino PapaRhino is offline
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let me rephrase this..

the new girl motivated me to go to school with her sure.

But what I'm really getting at is that this entire situation made me realize that I need to be able to take care of myself, with or without these women in my life, that's why I'm so panic stricken and eager to get my education rolling, because either one of these situations could implode at any moment, just like any other situation.

If I go to school with the new girl, I know I'll enjoy myself and do really well in my classes. If her and I don't work out and break up in the middle of the school year it isn't going to make me rethink my decision to go and further my own personal growth.

Make sense?
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  #23  
Old 05-06-2013, 10:24 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PapaRhino View Post
let me rephrase this..

the new girl motivated me to go to school with her sure.

But what I'm really getting at is that this entire situation made me realize that I need to be able to take care of myself, with or without these women in my life, that's why I'm so panic stricken and eager to get my education rolling, because either one of these situations could implode at any moment, just like any other situation.

If I go to school with the new girl, I know I'll enjoy myself and do really well in my classes. If her and I don't work out and break up in the middle of the school year it isn't going to make me rethink my decision to go and further my own personal growth.

Make sense?


This is more or less what i thought you were saying from the beginning. Perhaps i misinterpreted one or two details here or there, but essentially i agree that whatever it is that motivates you to go to school and do well, it is something you will take with you the rest of your life, even if whatever originally motivated you goes by the wayside. But, to NOT go to school because someone ELSE doesn't want you to, or wants you to "not rush into it", is doing it for THEIR reasons and not your OWN reasons.

tl;dr People break engagements all the time. Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. Your education stays with you always.
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  #24  
Old 05-06-2013, 10:34 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:


I don't see the part of the story where she is preventing his education. He
Kk - in post #3 of this thread is where i got that from. OP says


Quote:

This is what I was trying to tell my fiance, but from her point of view, if things are going well with her and I, then why do I need to rush into school and why do I need to experience the 20 year old college life if I'm really in love with her and cherish our lifestyle that we have together?

I wrote as if he'd quoted something she'd said, which is not the case, but this is where i got the information on which that response of mine was based. I stand by it, especially in light of the OP's more recent explanation which confirms that i understood him correctly in the first place.
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  #25  
Old 05-06-2013, 10:40 PM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PapaRhino View Post
let me rephrase this..

the new girl motivated me to go to school with her sure.

But what I'm really getting at is that this entire situation made me realize that I need to be able to take care of myself, with or without these women in my life, that's why I'm so panic stricken and eager to get my education rolling, because either one of these situations could implode at any moment, just like any other situation.

If I go to school with the new girl, I know I'll enjoy myself and do really well in my classes. If her and I don't work out and break up in the middle of the school year it isn't going to make me rethink my decision to go and further my own personal growth.

Make sense?
Yes that sounds great and was not clear to me before.
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  #26  
Old 05-07-2013, 06:33 AM
PapaRhino PapaRhino is offline
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Well, I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Monday was my fiance's birthday, she spent it with the old man most of the day and I had been awake since 2AM on Sunday, I raked and packed leave sin our back yard and made our kitchen look nice and clean on 0 sleep pretty much.

I fell asleep at 9PM tonight, she comes home from his place at 10:30 and acts very sweet and kind to me in my sleepy state of mind, I wake up and cuddle her for about 5 minutes and she tells me to go back to sleep, I wake up 15 minutes later and she's not even in the house, and she didn't take her phone, it's now 2:30AM and I'm worried sick, I've gone through almost an entire pack of cigarettes in a few hours, I went skateboarding for a few miles and tried relaxing at a church, laying in the grass and star gazing.

And all I can think about is how livid I am and how much I want to rage fuck my new girl. She better have a good explanation for this, I'm already looking at cheap apartments and a job tonight. This is just too much to handle. I love her dearly but keeping me up all night long worrying about her is not cool

Last edited by PapaRhino; 05-07-2013 at 08:05 AM.
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  #27  
Old 05-07-2013, 01:20 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Quote:
And all I can think about is how livid I am and how much I want to rage fuck my new girl.
Um... venting about it, sure. Actually "rage fucking" your girl? I'd hope you want to have a better sex share with your new GF that is better than THAT. She deserves better treatment.

Quote:
She better have a good explanation for this, I'm already looking at cheap apartments and a job tonight. This is just too much to handle. I love her dearly but keeping me up all night long worrying about her is not cool
There is no explanation for lack of consideration to that degree. No note or anything?

Def get a new job, new apartment. Even if you kiss and make up and continue to be engaged? You don't need the threat of homelessness hanging over you. Live separately in engagement time.

This is precisely WHY I am a fan of looooooooong engagement. You get a real measure of a person's ways and their character through MANY situations and circumstances.

Hang in there.

Galagirl
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  #28  
Old 05-07-2013, 02:29 PM
PapaRhino PapaRhino is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Um... venting about it, sure. Actually "rage fucking" your girl? I'd hope you want to have a better sex share with your new GF that is better than THAT. She deserves better treatment.



There is no explanation for lack of consideration to that degree. No note or anything?

Def get a new job, new apartment. Even if you kiss and make up and continue to be engaged? You don't need the threat of homelessness hanging over you. Live separately in engagement time.

This is precisely WHY I am a fan of looooooooong engagement. You get a real measure of a person's ways and their character through MANY situations and circumstances.

Hang in there.

Galagirl
New girl told me "I know you're super angry, I wish you were here so you could take it out on me~"

So uh, she wants that


I'm going to college next spring, I signed a contract this morning with her stating that I'd be poly with her and away at college for four years, that I'd see her 2-3 days every week, and that after those 4 years I'd be monogamous to my fiance..if it doesn't hold up, she told me "so your soul burn in hell".

Hmm.
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  #29  
Old 05-07-2013, 03:38 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Contract, really? O-kay. I can't wrap my mind around why two people who want to be together need a contract... Especially one as specific as that. You DO know a contract like that isn't legally binding, like what if one of you breaks it? Would you take the other to court and try to get money or something?
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  #30  
Old 05-07-2013, 03:50 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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What the hell kind of BS is that? Is SHE going to be monogamous after those four years? If you tell the new girl that, I guarantee you might get slapped or just dumped on the spot. I do not know any woman on the face of the planet who wants to be borrowed for a specified amount of years like a leasehold property. "I am leasing/renting/letting you until x year, and then, I have to give you up." That screams controlling, and it is ridiculous.
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