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  #21  
Old 01-07-2011, 03:38 PM
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FlameKat FlameKat is offline
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I do believe that NeonKaos was referring to your husband's change of heart/mind/stand on the situation being 'too easy' (correct me if I'm wrong please NK)...

I would be wary myself... he has hung on and clung to these particular women (by your words/description)... it does seem a little quick for him to read what we have posted in response and then just agree to let them go like that... (*snapping fingers*)

Not casting aspersions here - just seems odd that he would be so determined... up until he reads the posts of a bunch of strangers on the situation.

I hope my feelings are wrong though
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  #22  
Old 01-07-2011, 04:53 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
I do believe that NeonKaos was referring to your husband's change of heart/mind/stand on the situation being 'too easy' (correct me if I'm wrong please NK)...

I would be wary myself... he has hung on and clung to these particular women (by your words/description)... it does seem a little quick for him to read what we have posted in response and then just agree to let them go like that... (*snapping fingers*)

Not casting aspersions here - just seems odd that he would be so determined... up until he reads the posts of a bunch of strangers on the situation.

I hope my feelings are wrong though
Yes, that is what I meant by "too easy".

I haven't heard his side of the story, but i think it's odd how he did a complete 180-degree change virtually overnight, as though a switch got flipped.

Perhaps he did get a wake-up call from reading this forum. Maybe he did suddenly decide to get on the right track.

As I said before, time will tell and actions speak louder than words.

If it were me, I would want to talk to each of these other women myself, with him in the same room or on the phone, and both of you let them know it's over so that everyone gets the same story.

This man needs to re-earn your trust over time and through actions before you will have the type of solid foundation necessary to pursue other relationships.

Oh yeah, and you both need to focus on your children, especially the new baby; not go looking for people to date.
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  #23  
Old 01-07-2011, 05:19 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Oh yeah, and you both need to focus on your children, especially the new baby; not go looking for people to date.
I agree with what Neon said, especially this! I'm so saddened you both got married and yet had such problems right away. Maybe even tho you personally found the wedding meaningful, something about the commitment after 11 years of just living together freaked him out. Did you two vow to be monogamous, or was there some other kind of expectation?

ETA, I see you are in France. Are either of you French? I know traditionally French culture allows for a spouse and a lover, sort of dont ask dont tell type things, or sometime acknowledged. Does this enter into it at all, I wonder?
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  #24  
Old 01-07-2011, 05:37 PM
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I do hope you read more than your own thread to get some support. Really there is no need to go it alone. Now that hubby can't use the excuse of "they don't know, they are monogamous." I hope he knows that we are here to support him also. If he chooses to do the work to build a better relationship foundation that is.
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  #25  
Old 01-07-2011, 06:08 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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My husband and I found a wonderful counselor and I'm not sure we could have gotten through some of the roughest times without her. She has really helped us nail down some of our issues, and help keep us real with our new poly arrangement.

I try very hard not to judge a cheater, since I've been there. A lot of pain came from my actions, but a lot of GOOD came, too.

I am a good person but I have hurt people along the way. One thing I am grateful for is the forgiveness and understanding my husband has never failed to give. I do not deserve him! But who among us is deserving of mercy, anyway?
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