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Old 03-16-2013, 03:25 AM
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PixiRosenThorne PixiRosenThorne is offline
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Default typical girl question

I'd like to think Im not a typical girl, but when it comes to public events, I usually take a generous portion of time to stress about my clothing choices.

Let me start off be saying that my boyfriend K, and his wife have just gone through a huge emotional roller coaster. The three of us have actually. K was admitted to the ER the other night with a wicked tooth ache that turned into an infection, that turned into an abscess, that turned into emergency oral surgery. I came down to the hospital with them of my own volition and stayed for the entire wait to see a doctor. I couldnt not be with them. The stress from waiting at home, thinking, wondering and not sleeping would have driven me insane. So I got out of bed, put clothes on, made copious amounts of tea, took funds out of my bank for who the hell knew what and sat with them for 5 hours. The money it turns out paid for his oral surgery consultation and the company I gave them lowered their stress level considerably. I made his wife laugh and as much as it killed him to do it, smile.

Now Ive been invited to dinner at their place when K is able to eat real food. R is going to cook. I hear she is amazing! But what the hell do I wear to something like this?! Its a first date. I havent been on a first date in ages! Even the dates I go on with K are more of prolonged, possibly romantic hang out sessions (which is fine, neither of us need to impress). Also, its their home, their life, their sanctuary that Im invited to. This is a freaking huge step for all of us. Aid me in a style of dress, or other clothing and that will start to take the edge off of my stress.

Oh yea, and I have a job interview with the District Manager to be an Assistant Manager of a store. Kinda freaking out over that too.
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Old 03-16-2013, 03:44 AM
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Here's my set of rules when dating women:

1) Always wear your good underwear. Men don't care. Even if you never take your jacket off, you'll feel sexier. For some reason, it's always harder for me to feel sexier around women unless I'm "put together."

2) Do your nails. Since it's coinciding with a job interview, do a nice, neutral color. Save the electric blue acrylic tips for another day.

3) You're sitting around the house. If you want to wear your three inch sexy heels, this would be the time.

4) Don't out-dress her. Whether you're lovers or metamours, women deserve to be the queen of the castle and the sexiest thing in the house. She probably will dress to kill. My recommendation is tasteful, conservative jewelry, dark wash boot cut mid rise jeans or dress slacks, a fitted but not overly revealing top, and a structured jacket (leather, corduroy, suit jacket, just something that gives you a nice silhouette).

One of the funniest things a female Mormon missionary ever said to me when we were discussing men is, "Honey, you don't wake up to personality." While you're beautiful in sweats and pajama bottoms, baby, you're a Lamborghini to your lover, and when his eyes are on you and you're flawless, you're unstoppable.
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Old 03-16-2013, 10:32 AM
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Really, what is a "typical girl?" Sorry for this tangent, but to me, a "girl" is 12 years old. I'm 52 and have had it drummed into my head since the 1970s that it is insulting to call a grown woman a girl, so I just can't abide by that phrase.

Anyway, I am not your typical woman, and I wouldn't think of a dinner hosted by a bf's wife at her home as a first date, but I think a slightly dressier version of business casual would work for dinner there. Nice slacks and a pretty blouse, with a little bling should do it. I would say not to wear anything that is uncomfortable or that you have to fidget with, if being there for dinner will make you nervous enough.

And I wouldn't wear ridiculously high heels if I were you, either, but that's me. Those kinds of "fuck me" shoes were originally made for lying down, not walking around, and I think women look like jackasses wearing them in the street. That's why I call them "Stupid Shoes." But I digress again.

As for your job interview, there are lots of resources on the internet for what to wear. Google is your friend.

Good luck!!
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Old 03-16-2013, 01:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Anyway, I am not your typical woman, and I wouldn't think of a dinner hosted by a bf's wife at her home as a first date, but I think a slightly dressier version of business casual would work for dinner there. Nice slacks and a pretty blouse, with a little bling should do it. I would say not to wear anything that is uncomfortable or that you have to fidget with, if being there for dinner will make you nervous enough.
This is pretty spot-on, solid advice.

Quote:
And I wouldn't wear ridiculously high heels if I were you, either, but that's me. Those kinds of "fuck me" shoes were originally made for lying down, not walking around, and I think women look like jackasses wearing them in the street. That's why I call them "Stupid Shoes." But I digress again.
The stupid end of my closet starts in the 4-6" heel zone. (There's actually a stupid end in my closet. There's animal print in there, Iron Fist shoes, other label items that I consider fun, or works of art, or something crazy I can enjoy.) I don't think a three inch heel at a dinner party that reads as a thank you/date type thing is over the top. I think your judgment is a little harsh here. I think clothing should be fun, and I think if you like people and perceive something as a date and are unsure conveying any sort of sexual energy through dress, shoes are the safest measure, fun, and the least threatening. And a one inch gold kitten heel can be just as hot as three inch black leather boots, but yeah, people look like dummies if they can't walk in them. We're on the same page there.
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:03 PM
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I wouldn't wear the heels myself. I would wear dress boots or pumps.
They are called "fuck me shoes" for a reason. The reason is that the large majority of people see them and assume the woman wearing them is looking to get laid.
Doesn't mean she is-but it is the message sent.

Especially it being their home and not wanting to show up the "queen of the castle"- business casual slacks or nice jeans with blouse or sweater, boots or pumps, keep the make-up "office friendly" not club make-up.
Take a bottle of wine or flowers to the "hostess".
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Old 03-16-2013, 10:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PixiRosenThorne View Post
...an infection, that turned into an abscess, that turned into emergency oral surgery. I came down to the hospital with them of my own volition and stayed for the entire wait to see a doctor. I couldnt not be with them... took funds out of my bank for who the hell knew what and sat with them for 5 hours. The money it turns out paid for his oral surgery consultation
Why did you pay for your bf's oral surgery? Does he not have insurance? Are he and his wife broke? How long have you been seeing this guy?

Quote:

Now Ive been invited to dinner at their place when K is able to eat real food. R is going to cook. I hear she is amazing! But what the hell do I wear to something like this?! Its a first date. I havent been on a first date in ages! Even the dates I go on with K are more of prolonged, possibly romantic hang out sessions (which is fine, neither of us need to impress).
How long have you been seeing K? Did you not have a first date with him? How is it you've been seeing him for so long you have no idea what to wear on a first date, yet you've never met his wife? She only wants to meet you since you were nice at the hospital? Was she jealous before?

I'd wear whatever I wear on a daily basis, nice jeans, a clean tshirt and Chucks. But, I'm a hippie. The Converses are a concession to fashion because usually I wear Crocs, or hiking shoes or Wellies if the weather is bad. :P

Quote:
Oh yea, and I have a job interview with the District Manager to be an Assistant Manager of a store. Kinda freaking out over that too.
Good luck.
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Old 03-17-2013, 01:34 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I NEVER know what to wear (seriously, I can barely dress myself - no fashion sense WHAT-SO-EVER) - if I am going out with people who know how to do that, I make them dress me (my LDR FWB is really good at this, as is my crazy lesbian friend - they take clothes I own and make me look like some sexy fun person instead of a bag lady). Or I ask the boys what they want to see me in (MrS has clothing preferences...Dude is a fan of "all naked all the time").

I DO, however, have a few fall-back outfits. It's not that I look particularly great in them but that they are really, really ME and I feel confidant in them - I am of the opinion that confidant people look good no matter what they are wearing.

My go-to outfit when I am at a loss for random "going out" - my favorite hippie-skirt from college (mom has repaired it so many times...), thrift store Doc Martins, a clingy V-neck with tucks knit T-shirt from my sister and a comfy olive green zip-up hoody that I stole from MrS. My dress-up going out (theatre, fancy restaurants) is a grey/black long slit skirt and sweater deal with knee-high black boots that my FIL once told me I looked great in. My casual date/meeting people: the jeans that MrS tells me my butt looks great in and a purple knit top with just a hint of cleavage that flatters my (new) curves. (I also have several "little black dress" deals for "formal" but I usually can figure out when they are appropriate).

I like clothes that dress up or down depending on how I wear my hair (up vs. down - I don't know how to "do" it), whether I am wearing makeup, and are defined by the jewelry I choose to go with them. I think that girl-clothes are easier in this regard - you can "get away" with stuff. Guys are suit/no suit, tie/no tie, collar/no collar - the fudge factor seems minimal.

JaneQ

PS. My highest heels that I can walk in are about 3 inches - and we better be sitting for 99% of the evening. I do have a "play" pair of mid-thigh stiletto boots - which are meant to get me from the living room to the bedroom - generally with someone carrying me over their shoulder...)
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Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
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VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


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Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 03-17-2013 at 01:37 AM.
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Old 03-18-2013, 12:55 AM
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PixiRosenThorne PixiRosenThorne is offline
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Thank you guys so much for the advice! This little adventure could have been phrased better than "first date" but that was what went through my head at the time. R and I have never really had face time, and she has been working at her own pace to (again for lack of a better term) accept me as his gf. The last relationship K had went south fast, nearly breaking them apart as well as his own deep friendships. Therefore, I understand her hesitation. She was the one who brought up this idea for dinner, which to me is a huge step for her. No way Im going to denounce her as "Queen of the Castle"! Im also probably not going to ask to be alone with K that night either. This is for the three of us.

As for how long Ive known K, how long Ive been with him and my willingness to be with them and help them in any way possible, I don't really think it matters. I want to be with him as much as he wants to be with me and by the Gods graces we are lucky to be involved in poly, same as everyone else here. It is my duty to support them in whatever way I can and those I deem to be moral so that their relationship will stay strong enough to allow my presence.

Funny part is, there isnt a time or day set yet, so Im just doing my preliminary worrying now so that Im not a nervous wreck the day of. ^_^
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Old 03-18-2013, 12:51 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Could call and ask what type dress it should be.

"Hi! I'm so looking forward to dinner! I wasn't sure what the dress code was. Could you tell me so I know how to dress appropriately? Could I bring anything to help out with the meal? A salad, drinks, some clean up energy? Thanks for inviting me!"
Seems easier just to ask.

GG
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Old 05-01-2013, 11:24 PM
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PixiRosenThorne PixiRosenThorne is offline
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this was a while ago, and I just wore a nicer shirt and jeans. Mohegan offered to allow me to make dessert, which was a huge deal since she is a trained and certified pastry chef! The evening went wonderfully with Karma fussing over everything and having enough nervous energy that Mohegan and I ended up giggling at him for most of the evening. The only hitch was that bottle of wine and Karma's "indestructable" wine opener not working, so the meal was without wine unfortunately, but in hindsight, that may have been a good thing. Mohegan and Karma and I now hang out together on a semi-regular basis and we all get along wonderfully. Its a running joke now between she and I that we are too similar to his health but, well, this is what he asked for out of poly!
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