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  #11  
Old 05-29-2013, 04:37 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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The week without T has been ok. I miss her. We've had a few opportunities to talk, but they've been brief. She's thanked me a lot for keeping in touch. I've tried to text her and send her emails. She's sent me a lot of nice pictures.

K and I had a talk about me meeting T in July. I really needed clarification as I didn't want to be think of loopholes for whatever rules we put in place. Not that I'd try and think my way around things, but the whole thing is so subtle as it is. I can kiss and hug (romantically). She's ok with anything happening in the room that could happen on cam. She asked if I would use condoms, but then didn't ok that I could actually put them to use. So, I want to be clear when the time rolls around.

The other two relationships haven't really gone anywhere. I haven't seen G at all (I sent her a message that she didn't respond to), and S and I have texted, but she and I have both been really busy.
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  #12  
Old 05-30-2013, 11:17 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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In reading your blog, I find myself wondering just how okay your wife is with you seeing and even being intimate with T in July. K seems to be doing a lot of flip flopping. Some days, she seems to be okay with it. Others day, you are left with as you put it--uncertainty that equates to stress. When I am unsure about something, I hesitate for a long time and never give clear answers. (Such as the case of her asking whether or not you would be using condoms but not clearing it up to minimise confusion.) I would leave the issue alone and do a check-in before you leave. She is obviously working through some feelings regarding this meeting and the possibility of intimacy, so let her work through them and ask her to come to you if anything changes.

Ry
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  #13  
Old 05-31-2013, 05:00 AM
Nox Nox is offline
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Thank you for your feedback.

You can be sure I'm doing a check-in, but I may have mischaracterized. The only "pull back" she's done was changing my please be back to the hotel time from 6am to 1am. Other than that, she's given me more freedom at every stage.

I think, regarding condoms, that she was just making sure that she's going to be safe if we ever get that far, or if she extends more freedom prior to July. K knows T has had other partners and had them (relatively) recently. And while we both trust T, we don't trust her partners, which means we don't trust T .

An interesting thing came up in a discussion with T today. She said she "can't lie." At the same time she was saying she will do omission. I know that's just as bad to many people, but still, that makes me feel a lot better. I have learned to be much more secure our relationship. Also, it wasn't about me in this case, so it wasn't like she was trying to assure me of anything either.

Speaking of relationship security, I discovered something in the last week. I have a severe insecurity in knowing how people feel about me. This extends really badly into relationships. It took me until about 18 months ago before I believed K loved me completely. Prior it felt like she could get tired of me and walk away at any time. That she liked me a whole lot, but was missing something. I went through it with T too; always suspecting that it was an act. She was just using me when someone better wasn't around, etc. I trust both of them are being honest about their feelings now, though of course I have twinges. Neither of them ever had such doubts.

I suspected there might be a genetic component, since 1) I've never really had a bad relationship that would cause me to doubt, 2) my parents were always very free with their affection, and 3) my mom also complained about similar insecurities. I asked her about it and she had often doubted her husband loved her which from my perspective was preposterous. My dad never doubted my mother's love.

I'm curious to ask my brother to see if he got it as well.

I'm sure it's not completely genetic, but I'd guess the predisposition is. Anyway, I just found it interesting.
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  #14  
Old 05-31-2013, 02:17 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Just a quick followup. I got the most wonderful note from T today. The short version is she loves me a whole lot and is very grateful for my understanding and support.

Makes me smile every time I think of it. I'm so lucky to have both of them in my life.
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  #15  
Old 06-05-2013, 03:03 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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I'm lucky to have S in my life too. We started with a sexual based online relationship but quickly realized that there was a very intimate, non-judgemental component to it as well. Very accepting of each others lives, very open to share our own desires.

She also reads here, or at least used to. Hi, S!

I don't know if she read my previous post about her, but I did inquire about our relationship, and she concurred with the FWB, but we both know it's more than that, and less than an "in love" deal, though we do love each other.

Isn't it odd that there aren't more words for love? And then we wonder why we miscommunicate and misunderstand in relationships all the time
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Stakes - very intimate friend
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  #16  
Old 06-08-2013, 02:35 AM
Nox Nox is offline
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Just a quick note to brag on my wonderful wife. She had a conversation with S (initiated by S, since we will all see each other in 3 weeks), and sent a really nice note to T.

She's an incredible, loving, beautiful woman. I'm so lucky I have her.
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  #17  
Old 06-13-2013, 03:32 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Ugh. This is the first time that I've had long distance relationship issues.

Works been crappy for T and I both, so we're stressed out and haven't felt like either social or sexy time. What I'd like to do is just curl up with her on the couch, but impossible from 1500 miles away.
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LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
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  #18  
Old 06-14-2013, 06:36 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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I met T two years ago, today. I do remember thinking that she could be very dangerous for me during that first meeting. I think we've navigated the danger, but I was correct in knowing I'd care for her deeply.
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LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
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  #19  
Old 06-17-2013, 05:33 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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I really feel I let K down today, but it's repairable. Nothing relationship related, but I finally found something she is very interested in - SCUBA diving. Many years ago, she spent 6 months in Venezuela and that was their weekend activity. She is so hard to get to voice her wants and needs, but I re-stumbled on it and you could see the interest in her eyes when I brought it up.

I did have some trepidation. I get a bit of anxiety snorkeling if I can't easily clear my snorkel. But I was willing to try. The first two pool days were fine, though I don't think quickly enough. Enough practice though, and it should become second nature.

I went for my first lake dive on Saturday. Let me tell you... being 20 feet under the water, with 5 foot visibility and nobody in sight isn't the most calming experience. I didn't panic though - almost... but i didnt- went back to the surface, and the assistant trainer brought be back down to the group.

After some time down there, I was calmer. I was able to look around a bit. Mostly a murky green tinge to everything. The platform we were on was covered with slippery algae. I could feel a little pressure on my ears so I went to equalize again, and BAM. I could feel a pop, and then bubbles were coming from my right ear. Ruptured it, so I couldn't finish my training dives.

Got it checked out today. It's a minor tear that should heal in two weeks. So, no long term damage. No hearing loss. And I should be able to dive again. But I have this nagging feeling it will recur . It's not the first time I've ripped it. We are supposed to be diving Grand Turk in early September. I have time to do more training dives post vacation. But I'm worried. It's something that I can finally do to meet one of K's desires, and instead I'm broken.

She was really sweet and took good care of me, but I can't help but feel I'm letting her down.
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LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
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  #20  
Old 06-21-2013, 08:14 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Medical update: My ear is still broken. Extra mucinex, ibuprofen, and antibiotics where prescribed.

K had LASIK today. Having her be able to see me for the first time without corrective lenses was incredible. I am so happy for her. She's doing very well. My sister-in-law had forgotten it was scheduled, so was woken up by my text, "K just went in the operating room." Funny for me. Not so much for her.

Relationship(s) update. K has removed any boundaries. She had previous been afraid of how she'd react being by herself while I'm off with T. But to this point it hasn't bothered her at all. We discussed it and came to the conclusion that if she's going to freak out, she'll have some symptoms between now and then. All three of us have reserved the right to back off if someone is getting nervous. I know that should go without saying, but we are all very careful of each other's feelings.

K really amazes me. She so secure in herself and our relationship. There hasn't been anything hard in this so far. There was one night where she felt a little scared, but I assured her nothing has changed for me. Any future plans I have include K.

I would love for the future to include T, but she's pretty unwilling to think that far ahead and she's very independent. She's had a steady BF for 8 years and gets queasy any time he suggests they move in together. It's pretty hard to plan a long term relationship with someone that afraid of commitment so we'll just enjoy what time we have together.

So, just a few weeks now and I'll be with T. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited.
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LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
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