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  #31  
Old 04-29-2013, 03:50 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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He'd better get cracking then. Not a moment to lose. Get that bucket list out of the way. A good way to accomplish that is to go make babies with a new woman.

Yes people this was sarcastic. But i'm not being abusive or ridiculing anyone (maybe the husband but ppl are doing that without sarcasm) i'm saying what is the opposite of what a reasonable person would do to make a point.
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  #32  
Old 04-29-2013, 03:56 PM
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FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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And he thinks that in his 40s/50s, he will be too old? I know people in their 60s that are in better shape than people in their 20s and 30s because they were active all along.

I can understand having a bucket list, but that still does not excuse the hypothetical scenario that you and him will end up divorced and him asking you if you would attend his wedding to the woman he basically would have left you for. I seriously wonder what made him think that was even remotely okay. That takes a lot of balls to even suggest. You are better than me.
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  #33  
Old 04-29-2013, 04:17 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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What kind of feedback do you need at this time?

Because this asking you to his future wedding -- that's bargaining talk. His trying to make two things fit in the same place -- where he can have a close relationship with her and still have one with you. Could ignore it as nonsense because you know YOUR willingness. And you are not up for that. The adventure travel sideline -- that's still also side stuff he can deal with. You have enough on your plate without taking on some of his baggage to carry too.

Where are you at now emotionally?

Are you still scared to say anything to him because you are afraid asserting yourself will lead to him making a choice? (Isn't that what you want? To KNOW where you stand once and for all?)

Do you still feel this?

Quote:
This sucks and I blame myself for being so stupid and not putting my foot down and saying enough is enough when I first found out he was in love with her.
You could still put your foot down and say enough is enough. I don't know what that will mean for the relationship between you and him, but it could help you to return to right relationship with yourself so you can stop beating up on you and blaming you for not speaking up for yourself.

Since you are enduring suckage anyway? May as well be suckage where you are ok in yourself rather than suckage where you are not ok in yourself.

Could speak up and drop that extra layer of "beating-up-on-myself for not speaking up" in there. Could lessen the load where you can lessen it.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 04-29-2013 at 04:24 PM.
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  #34  
Old 04-29-2013, 05:02 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Yes, stop beating yourself up for not speaking up.

1) You are speaking up NOW. It hasn't been going on very long, really. Better late than never.

2) even if you had "put your foot down" when you first found out he was in love - he was ALREADY in love. It probably wouldn't have made any difference. If he wants to leave you to be with her, putting your foot down won't stop that.
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  #35  
Old 04-30-2013, 06:34 AM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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I think I might be done, I'm hurting too much. I'm thinking about telling him he can just have her... When I think about telling him, this calm/numbness washes over me. Maybe it's for the best if he loves her more then me then there is no point right? I can't do this for ever :,(
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  #36  
Old 04-30-2013, 06:45 AM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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He hasn't said he loves her more than me, it is just starting to feel like its heading in that direction...
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  #37  
Old 04-30-2013, 07:44 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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It is not necessarily that he does love her more GreenJade, he just can't understand NRE. If we had a penny for every time someone leaves a current partner for someone they are in NRE with and then....after the NRE dissipates they think 'what the heck have I done?' Well I could plaster my floors in pennies. I have even seen it happen in my family more than once with one guy just chasing NRE.
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  #38  
Old 04-30-2013, 09:04 AM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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Sorry what is NRE?
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  #39  
Old 04-30-2013, 09:10 AM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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I just feel like it should be easy, he broke the rules. Shouldn't he just choose me, his kids, his family? Why is it so hard for him to choose. He keeps saying he loves me and there is nothing wrong with our relationship. Then why would he even consider leaving us? Everything we have been though, everything we have worked hard for, why gve that up?
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  #40  
Old 04-30-2013, 09:32 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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NRE is New Relationship Energy, that love crack that makes you a bit crazy. Or Crazy in Lurve....how some people would see it. Anyway, it is temporary.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_relationship_energy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenjade View Post
I just feel like it should be easy, he broke the rules.
Well some would say rules are made to be broken, I honestly think people tend to put too much faith in rules. At the end of the day, you can't force someone to do something they don't want to and feelings can't be controlled anyway.
Quote:
Shouldn't he just choose me, his kids, his family?
Not if he doesn't want to choose you and let's be honest that is the root of the situation really.
Do you really want a man who doesn't actually want you but is with you because he feels obligated?
Would you really feel fulfilled and happy?
Quote:
Why is it so hard for him to choose. He keeps saying he loves me and there is nothing wrong with our relationship. Then why would he even consider leaving us? Everything we have been though, everything we have worked hard for, why gve that up?
Because he wants to? Because it doesn't mean as much to him as it does to you? There can be loads of reasons, people are complex and sometimes selfish and stupid. You can't control his actions, but you can control yours.

Natja
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