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  #21  
Old 04-29-2013, 02:00 AM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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[QUOTE=GalaGirl;200502]She's not willing for that. So that's option is not even on the table. Is she a cowgirl? I thought it was ending because of her moving/leaving too far away to sustain a relationship? Isn't that why he's traveling to see her? She's far away now? I am confused.

It was supposed to end when she left. They would remain friends in contact. Then when he went to visit if it was just as friends he was okay with that and if she still wanted casual sex while he was there he was fine with that as well. When she eventually got back it would be just a friendship.

She is now saying she can't do that. She can't bear to see him with me. She wants to settle down and have kids and if she can't do that with him, she doesn't want to even be friends with him because it will be to painful for her.

Since I have been with him and we have had kids, we have only really had each other. We moved towns so have had to make new friends and he doesn't do anything but work then come home. We don't socialise much. So he found her and she is his only other friend. So I think he is very scared to loss that as well. I've tried to push him to go out with work colleagues etc but he avoids work dos etc. I have friends but only because of my children. I don't have a life long friend that I can talk to. I can't even talk to my mum, she has issues of her own, on anti depressants etc because she is still struggling with life after her and my dad broke up which was 13 yrs ago. There is a 13yr age difference between Mr and me.

We have talked about travelling when the kids are a little older, and when I have a job etc. Part of the reason he is going to go see her is because he has this theory he will be to old to travel when the kids are old enough. So he wants to get out there while he still can, which means, not with me because we have no one we can trust to leave our kids with for multiple weeks etc.

I don't know if what I'm writing makes any sense at all. I'm so messed up at the moment.
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  #22  
Old 04-29-2013, 02:06 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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It does make sense. It makes perfect sense. You are an accessory that comes with the kids.

How old are you? It sounds like one of those "mid life crisis must feel young again" cases. I'll bet that's what seems so appealing about the girlfriend. Is she much younger? if he thinks he'll be too old to have fun when YOUR kids are grown, what does he think will happen if he starts a new family with the girlfriend?

I still can't believe he invited you to their wedding which will be in two years...
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  #23  
Old 04-29-2013, 02:09 AM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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He said he wanted to know my reaction, to see if I would be harsh and spiteful, or want to be a caring friends and wish him all the best.
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  #24  
Old 04-29-2013, 02:11 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenjade View Post
He said he wanted to know my reaction, to see if I would be harsh and spiteful, or want to be a caring friends and wish him all the best.


That's cruel.
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  #25  
Old 04-29-2013, 02:20 AM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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I'm in my twenties he is in his thirties, and she is two years older then me.
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  #26  
Old 04-29-2013, 03:17 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenjade View Post
He just asked me if I would come to their wedding in two yrs if they got married. I said no because it would be too painful. He then asked me, It would too painful after two year? I said yes, she has taken my life away. Why would I want to sit through what should of been mine? He said I was being silly and that wasn't true.
Even moreso than asking the question at all, it's terrible of him to dismiss your feelings by saying that you're being "silly" and that what you feel isn't true. A broken heart can absolutely last more than two years -- does he really not realize that, or does he not think your heart would be broken by him leaving? And, if not, why on earth would he think that other than, as BG suggested, that he's already moved on himself and doesn't have the empathy to understand that you haven't...

I'm so sorry. What an awful situation. He really needs to step back and realize how cruel his words are, if nothing else.
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  #27  
Old 04-29-2013, 04:32 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenjade View Post
I'm in my twenties he is in his thirties, and she is two years older then me.
That's not even old. What do you mean he thinks he'll be too old to travel when the kids get older? This guy is out of touch with reality. Sorry but that's just all there is to it.
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  #28  
Old 04-29-2013, 12:05 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Your husband is spewing ridiculousness. What the bloody dickens would make him even think that asking that was appropriate? It sounds like he has moved on and planning a wedding and having children with someone else while you two are still married.

I do not blame you one bit for wanting him to decide. You deserve better. His hypothetical scenarios are probably his real thoughts. Shame on that woman, too. She is aspiring to be a homewrecker. I know that is not ethical non-monogamy. If your husband can be stolen and swayed that easily, let him go because he was never "yours" to begin with. He cannot be silly enough to not realise that things he is imagining up are not hurtful. BG is right. Your hubby is out of touch with reality.

What a sad situation.
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  #29  
Old 04-29-2013, 03:31 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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He could be PRETENDING to be out of touch with reality for certain reasons. There have been other stories where it looked like one partner was checking out of the relationship but instead of breaking up, they would do things or say things that are supposed to get the other person to break up with them. That's so they can say to other people that they got "dumped", and it makes them look like less of a villian when they immediately go and shack up with the new person.

This is not a new thing, this goes on all the time, especially with "serial monogamy".
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  #30  
Old 04-29-2013, 03:38 PM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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When I say travel, I mean like adventure travel. Climbing mountains, bungee jumping etc. Stuff that when your older your more then likely not going to be physical able to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm planning a trip in Europe for next year, so it's not like I'm missing out or anything like that.
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