My story

[aussielover]

I'm not offended at all. I don't mind answering questions. I've identified as lesbian for 13 years, since I was 17. My partner is a lesbian and we didn't necessarily DECIDE to open the relationship, I fell in love. With Sunshinegrl first, which was totally within my comfort zone. We had talked and talked and it just happened. There was a time we were both feeling the same thing but afraid to say it to the other, so this wasn't really a concious decision at all. I was never LOOKING for someone.
I'd been curious about being with a man, as I never did before I came out, but didn't act on it.

What happened after that was I got to KNOW Aussiebloke. Even as a teenager I'd always said it was ther PERSON who I loved, not the fact they were m/f, at the time it was about me loving women, but I guess that flows both ways.
After actually getting to know him, I found myself falling for him. Believe me, this was even more confusing to me than it seems to be for you. But it happened. It wasn't about anatamy, it was about the person inside.

I remember at about age 6 or 7 thinking to myself that I wished I were a boy so I could marry my best friend. I think thats as early a memory I remember to having known I would be with women. (At that age I didn't know I COULD be with a woman). So very similar to you, I knew something was different about me.

AB was my first male lover. And honestly, making love with him felt as natural as it did with SG. Wonderful, tender, loving, everything I could have hoped for.

So I can't really answer your question as to why. Perhaps deep down I always was bi, I don't know. But I DO know, that if this relationship (knock on wood), if anything happened, women would still be my primary attraction and I would be with women again. Like I said, I fell in love with him because he is him, not because he was a man. Believe me, it shook my world as well when I realized it was happening. Took a lot to wrap my head around it, but he makes me feel wonderful. Loved, wanted, safe, and I love him very much.

I don't mind answering questions, so if there are more, fire away.

Originally Posted by AJbear77

Just curious - You have identified yourself as a lesbian for 13 years and have been in a lesbian relationship for 11 (albeit an unhealthy one and that really sucks). Was your partner a lesbian or bi? Did you both just decide to open your relationship up and try polyamory or were you always in an open relationship? What made you decide to go for a married somewhat hetero couple?

These are just all my curiosity. I have no ill motives with the questions. Although it does always fascinate me when people can be gay and then not...or likewise a 40 year old woman who is all of a sudden gay. I was just having this convo with my sister today. Like she has a curiosity for women, but knows it is nothing more than that and she is straight. For me, I have known since I was very small I was a lesbian and even thought nothing of talking about marrying a woman when I was 5 or 6 and being told by other kids that was not something I could do. Did not occur to me at the time that was odd..LOL. Anyway, kinda freaks me out when lesbians say that they are no longer lesbian anymore - like Redpepper. I just literally can't imagine it. It would shake my world so much I might as well have amnesia because I would not even know myself. How in the world does that happen? I guess unless you two were always bi. Anyway, these are my own issues (of course...it is always about ourselves) and I mean no disrespect.

[AJbear77]

Thanks for taking the time to answer. That sounds cool. I am glad you are getting the 'balance' of male love. I can sense with myself the imbalance when it comes to loving one gender, but it is what it is. I came out at 17 as well, actually 14, but ran back into the closet because felt I was not really ready then and my mother exacerbated that with saying I was not old enough to make that kind of decision at the time....hahah, I wasnt making a decision though, it just was.
I was different, though, in that I have had relationships with men, and loved men, but the love was always superficial...not deep, and does not hold a candle to women. I actually was most comfortable to explore being with men after I came out as gay (not bi funny enough) at 17 and was always up front with them about it.
I am getting some balance, though, since I have met the male of my dreams and the one has affected me like no other in my 22 month old little boy ; ). Anyway...good luck to you! Hope it all works out and continues to offer you what you need.

[aussielover]

Np.

Thanks