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Old 06-14-2013, 10:52 PM
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Default new ( ish ) possible partner and children

hey everyone, so since me and G broke up, he and J ( his ex) have gotten close, much to my upset ( more so its not me and him being together anymore ) and tbh she wants to be friends but I can't for so many reasons, I don't want her in my life, also don't want her in my children's life but they are not just mine the are G's too.

tomorrow is a event I was going to go to alone, J along with a few of my burlesque friends will be there and they are dancing so I was going to watch them dance but told J he couldn't come because I was going to go being my friends and my dance burlesque class, I wanted to go but she sent him a sad face saying she was nervous and made it seem she wanted him there and not me, so I am not going he is now.

the problem is I am mad because she says she misses my children, my children who in my eyes she has no right to miss as she has called herself mummy in the past ( NOT OK) but being gaz's children too but I am wrong in not wanting this woman to have anything to do with my children?
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Old 06-14-2013, 11:13 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jones View Post
I wanted to go but she sent him a sad face saying she was nervous and made it seem she wanted him there and not me, so I am not going he is now.
So you were hoping to go to a show that J is in. You forbade her boyfriend (your ex) from attending. She invited him anyway, he did not follow your order, and he attended anyway. So because you have such strong irritation with both of them you take an invitation to him as meaning that you can't go? ... why are you so insistent in going to a show which J is in... a person you despise?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jones View Post
the problem is I am mad because she says she misses my children, my children who in my eyes she has no right to miss as she has called herself mummy in the past ( NOT OK) but being gaz's children too but I am wrong in not wanting this woman to have anything to do with my children?
What does this high school drama have to do with your kids? Is J dangerous? She get drunk and swing broken bottles at people? She going to kidnap your children? It must be something pretty extreme since it sounds like she is currently in the life of their father and thus very likely to be around them on a regular basis.
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Old 06-15-2013, 12:19 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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It sounds like maybe you aren't ready to be appearing at same venues? Either sort it out between you ahead of time or just do not go until you are more healed. It takes a while to find the "new normal" post break ups. It's only been 2 months.

Quote:
the problem is I am mad because she says she misses my children, my children who in my eyes she has no right to miss as she has called herself mummy in the past ( NOT OK) but being gaz's children too but I am wrong in not wanting this woman to have anything to do with my children?
That's two different things to me.

She misses your kids? Great. Feel whatever she want. Feel lonely for the kids being around. Feel happy. Feel sad. You don't tell her what to feel. She doesn't tell you what you feel.

But you also don't have to be listening to whatever she feels. She can go ahead and feel it. Knock herself out. But you don't have to listen to it. You and her broke up. Who is giving you this unwanted report on her feelings?


That's something else.
To me that is "I don't want her around my kids." It's not wrong or right -- it just is what you feel right now. So could feel that right now and be ok with it. For the time being that's something you work out with you co-parent and whatever you co-parenting agreements. Could ask if G will honor that limit for the time being -- when he has the children not to have them around J. You realize they are dating and it can't be forever separate, but consider giving you a buffer time to adjust? Would G be willing to do that?

The stuff about going to a burlesque where your ex G and your ex J are present at also... that's a third thing. It compounded by having kids with G and not solving the previous thing yet. You haven't solved the family shape, so the new social/friend circle shape is just one MORE thing to deal with.

Hang in there. You don't have to solve every layer at ONCE. Again... it's just been 2 months. There's going to be ripples felt for a while.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-15-2013 at 12:29 AM.
  #4  
Old 06-15-2013, 12:38 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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So she misses your children. Boo-hoo. Sniff. #biggirlpanties #bedmadelie

The real question is, are your kids asking to see her?
  #5  
Old 06-15-2013, 06:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
So you were hoping to go to a show that J is in. You forbade her boyfriend (your ex) from attending. She invited him anyway, he did not follow your order, and he attended anyway. So because you have such strong irritation with both of them you take an invitation to him as meaning that you can't go? ... why are you so insistent in going to a show which J is in... a person you despise?

because J isn't the only person who will be there, my other friends will be there too and they aren't his friends and its my hobby my love why shouldn't I go just because he wants to just to see her, he doesn't care about seeing the girls dance but I do. I can't go because I would have to take my children and I don't want her seeing them.



What does this high school drama have to do with your kids? Is J dangerous? She get drunk and swing broken bottles at people? She going to kidnap your children? It must be something pretty extreme since it sounds like she is currently in the life of their father and thus very likely to be around them on a regular basis.
no she is anything like that but just imagine this:

J comes into our life's, things go ok and then she starts calling herself mummy jen, answering when the children ask me something and the kids once asked for mummy jen because I couldn't take them to the parc and of course perfect mummy jen would. if she sees my children without me this is what she will do and I don't want that, it isn't highschool drama like you say.

I don't want her around my children right now maybe in a year things might be different, I might feel different.
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Old 06-15-2013, 06:34 AM
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If your children love this woman, have an attachment to her and their dad is with her, you need to learn to forgive and forget, get your jealousy in check and do right by the kids. That involves allowing them as much love add possible from people who love them, not using them as possessions and weapons. That's not being a good parent. Your romantic relationship is over. Accept it. Now work on being Co parents without that overshadowing and tainting your decisions.
  #7  
Old 06-15-2013, 06:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
It sounds like maybe you aren't ready to be appearing at same venues? Either sort it out between you ahead of time or just do not go until you are more healed. It takes a while to find the "new normal" post break ups. It's only been 2 months.

I don't know if I will ever heal from this, me and gaz were happy and then he met J, they were deep in NRE ignored my feelings, did whatever they wanted and then one night me and gaz talked because j and b broke up and g saw it as a chance to date j now but I said I might be happy with it in time but he couldn't go on a 'maybe' so he broke up with me. do you blame me for hating her? all he has done is say how perfect she is and how I am not perfect.

That's two different things to me.

She misses your kids? Great. Feel whatever she want. Feel lonely for the kids being around. Feel happy. Feel sad. You don't tell her what to feel. She doesn't tell you what you feel.

But you also don't have to be listening to whatever she feels. She can go ahead and feel it. Knock herself out. But you don't have to listen to it. You and her broke up. Who is giving you this unwanted report on her feelings?


Gaz is telling me this, I haven't asked nor do I care.


That's something else.
To me that is "I don't want her around my kids." It's not wrong or right -- it just is what you feel right now. So could feel that right now and be ok with it. For the time being that's something you work out with you co-parent and whatever you co-parenting agreements. Could ask if G will honor that limit for the time being -- when he has the children not to have them around J. You realize they are dating and it can't be forever separate, but consider giving you a buffer time to adjust? Would G be willing to do that?

I Know this but right now I don't want her to see my children, as you said it has only been two months, they are going fast and I am going slow but they are pushing me.

The stuff about going to a burlesque where your ex G and your ex J are present at also... that's a third thing. It compounded by having kids with G and not solving the previous thing yet. You haven't solved the family shape, so the new social/friend circle shape is just one MORE thing to deal with.

Hang in there. You don't have to solve every layer at ONCE. Again... it's just been 2 months. There's going to be ripples felt for a while.

Galagirl
I know, its going to take a while but they are not giving me the time I need.
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  #8  
Old 06-15-2013, 06:46 AM
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
So she misses your children. Boo-hoo. Sniff. #biggirlpanties #bedmadelie

The real question is, are your kids asking to see her?
no they are not asking to see her and they don't talk about her anymore why should I bring her back in when she may just go again and they will cry all the time for her again.
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Old 06-15-2013, 06:48 AM
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Nor would I. Your feelings have nothing to do with what's best for your kids. They aren't your possessions.
  #10  
Old 06-15-2013, 06:57 AM
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Nor would I. Your feelings have nothing to do with what's best for your kids. They aren't your possessions.
I am trying to do what is best for my children, maybe you don't understand, maybe you haven't had someone new come in and try to play mummy or daddy with your children.

she did all that and they wanted her more just like g does, wants her more than he wants me and it fucking hurts, they are not possessions but they are my children, don't I get a right to say who they see or don't see?
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