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  #61  
Old 04-30-2013, 07:04 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Plus I am sorry but sugarcoating and being supportive isn't always the best policy.
This is how I feel definitely. And I feel that it totally depends on the situation too, when you have someone who clearly seems to be in distress you would have to approach it differently but at the end of the day we can only go by what is written, in the case of this thread it definitely looked like someone needed to have their head taken out of the infatuation sand and perhaps see an issue from a view point that was not her own.
For myself (and many others I would wager) the situation was pretty dire with justification of behaviour that seemed incredibly self centred. I am not going to coddle a person who does that any more than I would coddle a person who said 'Is it ok to start sleeping with my stepdaughter, she is over 18 now so....' (going back to the Woody Allen conversation).

Had he written that here would people be happy to be nice and gentle to him as well?

N

Last edited by Natja; 04-30-2013 at 09:27 PM. Reason: I kant spelz.....
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  #62  
Old 04-30-2013, 07:34 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery View Post
I hear this argument time and time again and I cannot accept it.

Roughly translated it's 'if you don't like being spoken to in a rude, aggressive fashion that's written to try and make you look stupid then you must need everything sugar coating and you don't want to hear the truth'.

As with most things, there is a balance.
And how do you know my tone is rude and aggressive? If anything the tone my posts should have been read in this thread was disbelief. Not hostility or aggression. I can't believe any mother in her right mind would put her lust/infatuation above the possible unvoiced feelings of her child for someone whom her daughter liked enough to share her body with. The OP called the gentleman her daughters Friend with benefits. I do not know about your world but I care about my friends, and those of a purely sexual nature get the label f*ckbuddy or FB. Which I have never had personally. I can't do it personally but I could careless if others do. I am just not wired that way.

I am a direct and to the point person and INTJ personality to be exact. At 17 I was serving in a war zone in the US Army attached to a Marine Corps unit. I live in a world full of testosterone. I do not beat around the bush. I call it like I see it. It makes life much easier.

I am sorry but if you take every criticism as a personal attack then maybe a message board where you may run across people who disagree with you isn't the place for you. Me, personally I do not get all hurt when some one disagrees with my personal views and choices. I chalk it up to differences of opinion.

I am not going to pat someone on the back and enable behavior I do not agree with.
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Last edited by Dagferi; 04-30-2013 at 07:36 PM.
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  #63  
Old 04-30-2013, 07:47 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default I hear what you are saying Dag

but it's honestly as if the line

"Also I have found a lot of us who are poly have learned to be direct and to the point. We tend to be an independent lot. Plus I am sorry but sugarcoating and being supportive isn't always the best policy."

is being used because a debators flow chart says "try this when you run out of logical things to say"

and to answer Opals question, sticking just to this page, Dagferi's comments, especially the first one, has no tone to it that is out of place. In other words, Dag's first comment on this page sounds completely appropriate, warranted. As in not likely to have the OP come back with whoaaa! OK maybe I wasn't clear... type responses.

and I didn't want to use examples from this page, for two reasons, one) because there was nothing done that is technically against the guidelines or forum rules for participation which as Man of brought up, is completely OK behavior. two) because it happens so often here I was beginning to get the impression that it isn't any of the replies or comments here at this site, but rather that I am the problem. That this isn't a good site for me in regards to polyamory.

I expect a person to be attacked when they mention any sort of non-traditional relationships that may include sex with people other than one's spouse on other forums, or maybe in a "training wheels poly" site where people write about being poly but it's mostly fiction, in fact it reminds me of Franklin's Veaux's type sites, and there is nothing wrong with it, but it does seem strange that it's all poly go lucky talk here but somebody talks about doing it and you jump all over her.

Yes, having sex with more than just one person and being open about it requires a bit more maturity than saying "I can do this" and yes it is often a touch an go delicate situation and feeling get hurt, marriages end, couples split up if it is not treated in as the delicate situation it is.

Yes, it is obvious from their words and their skills/abilities with written word that there are some professional writers here. It doesn't take a genius to recognize that Nudibranch likely has an advanced degree in writing, and other's such as FullofLove, Magdlyn, and LovingRadiance if not formally school specifically for writing they must do a hell of a lot of reading and attend proof-reading workshops or something as their writing is impeccable.

not to stereotype, but typically people with such a firm command of written language I have found that often writing isn't the only subject they are knowledgeable in so I guess what I may be experiencing is small skirmishes of learned intellectuals flexing muscle and letting things escalate a little, but it is not just intellectual posturing that happens here, at least as I see it, there is an element of that but it isn't the only instances of the written tone being inappropriate or at least not not on par for what the situation called for.

It is not my intention to cause trouble here, and even if I was spot on with what I say, it doesn't matter as if I am the only one who doesn't see the point of beating around the bush if something is bothering a person, why even reply or bring it up at all if the real issues are not going to be discussed?

Not to pick on you Nudi, but your reply seems to fit these "text book" cases wherein the response is more than a little out line. I won't say it is due to personal involvement, or some conspiracy to set precedence or just putting a "real life" example out on the web so that it can be databased and used as a reference or cited to "proof" or context to serve a later purpose as if this site were sciencedaily.com and a Republican needed a source to cite false information to lobby for oil companies.

My point is, if there is something that is getting you upset to the point where replies take on these tones, how is anything going to get resolved if you can't mention the subject.

That seems much more like what is happening, so while Dag's assertion that everyone is just "to the point", blunt, and won't sugar coat it because people here are just tell it like it is, that is almost comical. Not to pick on you Boring Guy, but passive aggression is a far cry from being clear and not afraid to address the real issue.

Nothing wrong is actually being done, my main point was just a check in to ask, do you seriously not see any of this?

and if you don't or if most of the people here see this type of behavior of being blunt, straight forward or being real, then it isn't anything any of you are doing and the problem is me. It wouldn't be the first time that I passed a place where many others had found a site the fit them great, and it is me that is out of place.

me being me, it's more likely than not that it is not a problem here, the problem is me. And I am just making sure
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  #64  
Old 04-30-2013, 08:08 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Yes, it is obvious from their words and their skills/abilities with written word that there are some professional writers here. It doesn't take a genius to recognize that Nudibranch likely has an advanced degree in writing, and other's such as FullofLove, Magdlyn, and LovingRadiance if not formally school specifically for writing they must do a hell of a lot of reading and attend proof-reading workshops or something as their writing is impeccable.
Sorry to have to do this, but you are wrong. Loving radiance's writing is NOT "impeccable". She makes grammatical errors all the time. I'm not sure why this is relevant, but you need to check your definition of "impeccable".

^^this is NOT about LR's writing. LR is clearly a smart person. This is about dirtclustit making a false statement.


I have reported this thread to the moderators because these last few posts are off topic and can be split off to a separate thread.
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  #65  
Old 04-30-2013, 08:19 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Default Dirtclustit

I'm not trying to be non-sequitir and i am not saying this because i have no valid argument... I mean this without sarcasm or hostility, although i don't expect you to believe that because you have decided that i "am" passive-aggressive (nothing could be more incorrect, i promise) and your friend "MOD" (how appropriate) is high-fiving you..... Anyway, you do sound paranoid. The way you describe your experiences elsewhere... It seems as if you go around LOOKING for ways to be offended on the internet, and you find them of course.

I don't know you and i could be wrong about you. You don't know me and you are DEFINITELY wrong about me. And guess what? I am comfortable with that.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 04-30-2013 at 08:21 PM.
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  #66  
Old 04-30-2013, 08:33 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default I wasn't accusing anybody of writing under other accounts

I had mentioned several very gifted writers, and the reason I did was as a possible explanation for the things I had witnessed, as intellectual arm wrestling in my mind could definitely account for things.

I am not saying anything needs to change or that anybody is doing anything wrong, I was asking for clarity before I wasted any more of my time on this site.

There isn't anything really for me to be wrong about anybody or anything here, I am not really accusing anybody I am just asking if you all are aware
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  #67  
Old 04-30-2013, 09:09 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default This appears to have already gotten out of hand

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi
Quote:
Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery
I hear this argument time and time again and I cannot accept it.

Roughly translated it's 'if you don't like being spoken to in a rude, aggressive fashion that's written to try and make you look stupid then you must need everything sugar coating and you don't want to hear the truth'.

As with most things, there is a balance.
And how do you know my tone is rude and aggressive? If anything the tone my posts should have been read in this thread was disbelief. Not hostility or aggression. I can't believe any mother in her right mind would put her lust/infatuation above the possible unvoiced feelings of her child for someone whom her daughter liked enough to share her body with. The OP called the gentleman her daughters Friend with benefits. I do not know about your world but I care about my friends, and those of a purely sexual nature get the label f*ckbuddy or FB. Which I have never had personally. I can't do it personally but I could careless if others do. I am just not wired that way.

I am a direct and to the point person and INTJ personality to be exact. At 17 I was serving in a war zone in the US Army attached to a Marine Corps unit. I live in a world full of testosterone. I do not beat around the bush. I call it like I see it. It makes life much easier.

I am sorry but if you take every criticism as a personal attack then maybe a message board where you may run across people who disagree with you isn't the place for you. Me, personally I do not get all hurt when some one disagrees with my personal views and choices. I chalk it up to differences of opinion.

I don't hear any inappropriate tones in any of your replies, I can't speak for Man, but it seems like he is saying that "not sugar coating it" doesn't fit the scenario for the posts that do have an aggressive tone.
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  #68  
Old 05-01-2013, 12:02 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
And how do you know my tone is rude and aggressive? If anything the tone my posts should have been read in this thread was disbelief. Not hostility or aggression. I can't believe any mother in her right mind would put her lust/infatuation above the possible unvoiced feelings of her child for someone whom her daughter liked enough to share her body with. The OP called the gentleman her daughters Friend with benefits. I do not know about your world but I care about my friends, and those of a purely sexual nature get the label f*ckbuddy or FB. Which I have never had personally. I can't do it personally but I could careless if others do. I am just not wired that way.

I am a direct and to the point person and INTJ personality to be exact. At 17 I was serving in a war zone in the US Army attached to a Marine Corps unit. I live in a world full of testosterone. I do not beat around the bush. I call it like I see it. It makes life much easier.

I am sorry but if you take every criticism as a personal attack then maybe a message board where you may run across people who disagree with you isn't the place for you. Me, personally I do not get all hurt when some one disagrees with my personal views and choices. I chalk it up to differences of opinion.

I am not going to pat someone on the back and enable behavior I do not agree with.
First of all...your name was never mentioned, so don't assume it's all about you.

Secondly, you're just repeating the same old tired argument, the same argument anyone says when they are accused (or think they are being accused) of being a rude person 'oh I'm just direct, it's how I'm wired'.

Or 'I'm from New York, that's how we are' (like 12 million people are all the same)
Or 'I was raised in the army, we were brought up to be super direct and to the point' (even though I'm not in the army anymore, I am incapable of change or acting in any other way)

And then the tired argument rambles to its conclusion, which is always the same 'if you don't appreciate my rude communication, then you must be a weak character who only is willing to hear what they want to hear, and needs to live in a world of rainbows and fairies'.

I hadn't even read most of this thread, so I wasn't responding to specifics on here. I was just agreeing with the assertion that in general, there are quite a few rude/aggressive/passive aggressive types on here.

You can be direct without being rude.
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  #69  
Old 05-01-2013, 12:08 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I'm not trying to be non-sequitir and i am not saying this because i have no valid argument... I mean this without sarcasm or hostility, although i don't expect you to believe that because you have decided that i "am" passive-aggressive (nothing could be more incorrect, i promise) and your friend "MOD" (how appropriate) is high-fiving you..... Anyway, you do sound paranoid. The way you describe your experiences elsewhere... It seems as if you go around LOOKING for ways to be offended on the internet, and you find them of course.
Why do you assume that we are friends because we share a viewpoint? Like we are scheming behind the scenes to get at you or something.

How many people need to say the same thing before you start paying attention?

Saying 'I am not passive aggressive' doesn't really prove a lot, does it? For me, the worst part about this with you is that a lot of the time you actually write what I consider to be really good , on-point stuff. Stuff that can help a lot of people.

I read a thread the other day where you said something and I thought 'that's a great point, I never thought of it quite like that' (can't remember what it was now).

However, unfortunately a lot of the time the message is packaged up in such a way that is becomes about as palatable as a shit sandwich.
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  #70  
Old 05-01-2013, 12:58 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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I've never taken a person's post on here to have any negative, aggressive meaning. Mostly because I realize when something I may not agree with is posted doesn't mean that it's an attack on me but just an awareness that maybe I'm not doing things right.

If you are feeling everyone is being rude and aggressive maybe instead of thinking THEY are wrong you need to look at yourself.
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