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  #31  
Old 01-02-2011, 07:45 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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So... what is it that you love about this guy? What is it about him that is so great?

I'll tell you right now - if I were to judge this by my own experience (which I realize is biased but you're here to hear what other people have to say) and by what I read that you wrote on here, then I would think that you are having such great sex (which is none of my business, as we talked about already) that you're tending to idealize your boyfriend. Perhaps he's not as wonderful as you think he is. You've only known him for a month, or less. I don't think you love HIM, you love the idea of what you want him to be. If he loved you, he'd treat you better. Sometimes, when a guy says he "loves" you, it's short for "I love the way you suck my cock, baby" or something like that.
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  #32  
Old 01-02-2011, 08:36 PM
UntamedHottie UntamedHottie is offline
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LMFAO sorry I had a good laugh at that...it was probably not to be meant as funny.

So what do I love about this guy....hmmmm soo many things. Everything from looks, personality, attitude, humor.....just everything....he is what I been looking for.

What is it about him that is so great....well lets just say before I met him...he walks into the office and I just about wet my pants, he is HOT!!!!!!!! The bad boy look I always fall for. Then we spoke and I nearly fainted, sexy voice WOW, that was when I found out he was married. From then on I looked forward to going to work just to see him....

Yeah he loves the way I suck his cock but thats not why he loves me....sighs there goes the privacy on my sexual relations again.....arrrggg

I could go on and on but I dont wanna bore anyone that reads this.
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  #33  
Old 01-02-2011, 08:47 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Ah, I must say, you sound very young (although you were involved with a married man for ten years, you come across as very inexperienced -- with the relating part of relationships, that is). You also seem to be very much in lust, rather than love. Sorry, that's how I see it. As for your original question, dealing with the kind of relationship you have requires maturity and being very well-versed in knowing yourself and what you want, and the ability to express yourself when your needs are not being met. Frankly, it sounds like you are infatuated and let your boyfriend pretty much get away with anything he wants, while you wait, giggle, and make jokes about it, even though you are clearly not satisfied with your situation. You need to remember that YOU have the final say in how you're treated. It seems like you need to boost up your self-esteem. Keep reading these boards and asking questions, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you.
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  #34  
Old 01-02-2011, 08:55 PM
UntamedHottie UntamedHottie is offline
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I am really inexperienced in this poly thingy, yes I was with a married man for a long time but we were together all the time till he called it quits. And also havent had that many men in my life either....I can count on one hand for the men that was in my life and this guy is the 2nd one that I have ever loved. The rest were just bedroom fun so to speak. Im hitting 40 so no Im not young.
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  #35  
Old 01-02-2011, 09:51 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Gosh, Untamed. He's a bastard. He has no right to tell you who you may or may not see, whether it's a man, a woman, a lover, a friend or family member. I'm glad he gets your rocks off. I understand he is simmering with testosterone and male yang energy, but seriously? At your age you should tread more carefully. You come across as a young 20something.

He's what I call a Dom-ass. I'm fairly well-versed in 24/7 Master/slave relationships (my gf has been a lifestyle slave to 2 Masters). Good Masters have their slave's growth and best interests at heart. This guy comes across as a user and a player.

Whatever you two are doing, it's not polyamory. Being poly depends on complete honesty and respect between both partners. A few people subscribe to a "one penis" policy, but I find those relationships sexist and outdated.

If he's hurting you and not being transparent already, after one month, what further hurt will he lay on you as you get more attached and less and less powerless?
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  #36  
Old 01-10-2011, 06:54 PM
UntamedHottie UntamedHottie is offline
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He says I can see others but there has to be love involved...not FWB or FB whatever people call it now a days. I have not seen him now for a week and who knows when I will see him again.

I went to his place for couple days and on the second day he took off saying he was going to "work" he did not come home till 0500 hours and smelled like sex. I was devastated that he would bring me to his home and leave me with his wife while he goes off and does his thing. I confronted him about it and all he kept saying was "Im sorry Im sorry" At that moment I told him to drive me home as I dont appreciated being treated the way he did....if he wanted to have sexual relations with someone else, do it on your own time...not my time when you begged me to come to your place for couple days. I was DEVASTATED!!!!!!!! I actually punched him and called him and INCONSIDERATE BASTARD.

My rule and he knew from the time we started talking about all this.....was when its MY time I expect it to be MY TIME....no text messages to his other girlfriend but only to his wife. Thats all I have ever asked.

Now if I bring anything up about this poly thing, he gets frustrated and angry and tells me Im jealous.....Im not jealous at all, I really dont care what he does anymore, its obvious he is just a horn dog.....but so am I...so where can I get some extra attention to make me happy? I dont want to love anyone else as I honestly dont think I could. If anyone knew about my past history they would understand but he doesnt and neither does his wife. So I brought up "how about with other females" he jumps in a says only if he can be part of it...sighs. Its a no win situation for me but he can have everything.

Any suggestions how I can get some extra non loving attention?
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  #37  
Old 01-10-2011, 07:08 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Truthfully, I don't know what you see in this guy. He does not respect you and is extremely arrogant and inconsiderate. Oh, he only has so much time because he needs to make all his women happy? What a load of crap. You need to realize you deserve to be treated well. You are your own person and he doesn't own you. Why shouldn't you pursue love? You certainly aren't getting love from him!! You want something good in your life, I say be strong, get out of this relationship, and don't look back!
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #38  
Old 01-10-2011, 07:32 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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You are allowing him to treat you like this. If you get something out of it, by all means continue; but don't come here and complain unless you plan to take steps to change things.

This is SO NOT a poly relationship, by the way. Poly relationships are built on mutual respect, compromise, and communication and I see none of that happening here.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 01-10-2011 at 07:46 PM.
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  #39  
Old 01-10-2011, 07:43 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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By your own accounts on here your boyfriend souunds like a proper prick. Read through the stuff you have shared and make a list of the good and bad. You have very specific examples of the bad and nothing solid about the good. I wil give him this though; he definitely has a talent for control and manipulation. Anyone reading this thread would be hard pressed to find the existence of love towards you. Maybe it's time for you to take control and tell him he can be you fuck buddy but you are not stopping the search for some one who actually loves you.
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  #40  
Old 01-10-2011, 08:04 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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wow, this guy knows nothing about poly if he is dropping the "jealousy" card down because you aren't sucking it up and dealing with his going out to fuck another women when he has a house full of dedicated women at home. That isn't jealousy... he can't put this on you my dear. He has a real problem with ego. I can't believe his wife is putting up with it. what did she say? Is this something they have worked out? or does he just go and do whatever he wants? I guess if she is okay with that type of behaviour and you aren't then maybe you are just doing poly differently. The thing is that poly has a foundation in being ethical. At least the version that has not been bastardized by dating sites... does he think that what he reads and learns about poly is from dating sites...? that I will not repeat the name of here. seriously, there is some really hard core miscommunication here, at the very least. If not, then he is an asshole and I would dump his ass... good for you telling it like it is when you had him take you home...
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