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Old 12-26-2012, 04:50 AM
Raeiy Raeiy is offline
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Default Hello! I'm a newbie...

Hey all,
I'm Raiey, fairly new to polyamory and multiple partners. I'm 22 and I live in the Caribbean, where I'm undoubtedly not going to find much if any resources for this lifestyle. I'm female (cisgendered and identified. Did I say that right?) and a Believer in the Christian faith. I try not to say Christian because 'Christians' have given themselves a bad name and I find the word alone puts people off when otherwise they would not have been.
I've been thinking about polyamory for a very ling time, since about the time I hit puberty, really. i thought I was just weird and being the good little introvert I was back then I kept it and a lot of other things to myself. I found out about polygamy a few years back due to some scandal or other on the news, and though I had a name for something close to what I was looking for I wasn't in the place, emotionally of mentally to look into it in depth.
Fast-forward to earlier this year and I'm a relatively independent, emotionally well-rounded individual who's overcome all sorts of personal battles including an eating disorder, lack of identity and crippling depression and a few suicide attempts. I'd finally gotten to the point where I could watch a couple kiss on screen without having to look away or change the channel because I was uncomfortable, and knew who I was and what I want and was enjoying being single.
I am still single and enjoying the freedom that comes with it and while I don't think i'm financially ready to embark on the long term relationship I want, I figure exploring my options wasn't a bad thing.
Did some research for a relationship blog and stumbled on a wiki artcle for polyandry and had an almost brainblast, it was so close to what I'd always thought about and wanted. It wasn't until the last month or so that I discovered the terms 'mfm' and 'poly amorous vee' and felt the click. I dunno, I don't feel like this is a passing trend; it's an idea, a theory I've consistently come back to in the privacy of my own mind all through high school and the few intervening years as something I want, that I can see myself being happy with and working to keep fulfilled across the board.
I'm not exactly looking for anyone right now, but I'm mostly information gathering, finding out as much as I can about this lifestyle before I get involved with anyone. Or begin to think about being involved with anyone.
I'm pretty set on a vee with me as the hinge. While the relationship aspect of it doesn't phase me I admit to being a tad (a big tad? maybe) apprehensive about the intimacy part of it. I realize that physical intimacy isn't a standalone facet of the relationship and is linked and based on how the relationship flows outside of the bedroom, or at least it should be, but I just get stuck on it.
As a sexual abuse survivor I'm perfectly at home with the fact that sex is an issue for me. Not that I have a problem with it or that I have flashbacks or panic attacks but based on what I know of sexual intercourse and the average relationship between people my age, and this may be skewed, but I require a MUCh higher level of commitment, attention, INTIMACY in order for me to be comfortable enough for any physical intimacy. And maybe that means I'm not as over the abuse as I'd like to think, and I'm fine with that. Something I've got to work on, no shame in it. I can become aroused easily enough, something that's always been a bit of a problem, whether I was in a relationship or not, still is, but coming down to the actual practical applications, the making out, the touching, if the relationship is lacking in some way I just completely shut down. I've been in a situation where I ignored what my body was telling me for the sake of the guy I was with and it was absolutely and completely awful and nearly set me back a whole year's worth of progress.
This....is a lot longer than I planned it to be. But, long story short, I've been lurking around the site for a few days, did a good bit of reading both here and at another random site I can't remember the name of, and figure "Why not talk to some people. It's the internet It's free. It's not like you're going to have the chance otherwise." And yeah . That's why I'm here.
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Old 12-26-2012, 11:54 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi Raeiy,

Welcome to our forum, from one of the guys in an MFM polyamorous (polyfidelitous, in our case) vee. I think you have a very good attitude going into this, and are willing to be honest with yourself.

Although I'm technically "ex-Christian," I still have good memories from my time in the church, and know well that a good many Christians are indeed Christ-like. So you haven't lost any points with me in that area, I think you should follow your heart when it comes to what you believe.

I can relate to you about needing a good degree of emotional intimacy before physical intimacy can be enjoyed. I suppose I could get into the physical without the emotional, but I'd much rather have both.

I'm glad you've found us, have signed up and posted. Keep on exploring our site, and post any thoughts or questions that may come to your mind.

With regards and well wishes,
Kevin T.
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Old 12-27-2012, 05:18 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Location: Pennsyl-tucky
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raeiy View Post
As a sexual abuse survivor I'm perfectly at home with the fact that sex is an issue for me. Not that I have a problem with it or that I have flashbacks or panic attacks but based on what I know of sexual intercourse and the average relationship between people my age, and this may be skewed, but I require a MUCh higher level of commitment, attention, INTIMACY in order for me to be comfortable enough for any physical intimacy. And maybe that means I'm not as over the abuse as I'd like to think, and I'm fine with that. Something I've got to work on, no shame in it. I can become aroused easily enough, something that's always been a bit of a problem, whether I was in a relationship or not, still is, but coming down to the actual practical applications, the making out, the touching, if the relationship is lacking in some way I just completely shut down. I've been in a situation where I ignored what my body was telling me for the sake of the guy I was with and it was absolutely and completely awful and nearly set me back a whole year's worth of progress.
I just wanted to say that you are not alone here. It is quite okay to require whatever level of "commitment, attention, INTIMACY" you need in order to be comfortable. In my experience, most relationships are "lacking in some way" - they are always a "work in progress", there is no "perfect". My current endeavor is to "allow" myself to feel what I am feeling "in the moment"...and then allow myself to NOT let it go further if I am not ready. (Which, for me, requires some cooperation of some very understanding partners).

I wish I had some more insight for you, but this is still a "work in progress" for me...

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #4  
Old 12-27-2012, 03:34 PM
Stevenjaguar Stevenjaguar is offline
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Location: In a flat place in the middle of the US.
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Hi,
You are not weird, or unreasonable. You just want to give and receive love and intimacy with more than one person. My fiancee says it best when she says her girlfriend gives her things I can't and I give her things her girlfriend can't so she feels completely fulfilled with the two of us. I'm sure you will find people who want the kind of relationships you do.
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Old 02-22-2013, 02:16 AM
bigkellyna bigkellyna is offline
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Location: Toronto, Canada
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Yes you seem to be well adjusted and a little crazy like most of us... and have the time, patience and seem willing to wait for what you want... I am not so sure it need be any more difficult where you live... you are young so trial and error can be your friend... until a couple of nice guys come along...
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Old 02-23-2013, 10:04 AM
MaryvilleEllis MaryvilleEllis is offline
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Hello, I relate so much to what you are saying. I am a domestic violence advocate, I have spoken to so many women who feel the same as you have expressed. I get it completely. I think it's very valid & even "normal" considering your experience to feel the way you do. Thank you for sharing.
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  #7  
Old 02-24-2013, 03:22 AM
Internships Internships is offline
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Hello, I am Internships . I am also new in this forum. i am a student. Anyway thanks a lot
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Old 04-29-2013, 02:56 PM
sumanrox sumanrox is offline
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Hello, all. I am also new in this forum. Anyway i am suman. Thanks to all.
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