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  #21  
Old 12-30-2010, 03:59 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
Well, the job of Royal Executio...er, Assass...um, Guy Who Gets Things Done includes janitorial duties. Sad, really. Somebody has to do it, though.
I prefer "glorified dishwasher".
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  #22  
Old 01-03-2011, 05:44 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I have 3 bio, 1 step and one Godson.
My brother has two adopted and one bio.
My stepdad was adopted.
I have 1 full blood sibling, 1 half sister, 1 who was adopted but not legally, 3 step siblings.

My youngest child-who knows Maca as her daddy, is biologically GG's. We don't lie about it. It's just a fact. Everyone knows and she will too.

I think that the most important criteria of being a parent has NOTHING to do with the method the child comes to you. What matters is your willingness to make the child your top priority and a love of your life.
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  #23  
Old 01-03-2011, 10:04 AM
Livingmybestlife Livingmybestlife is offline
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I am chronically ill. We adopted, however not due to my illness. To much crud in the gene pool, on his side. I will be honest and say that I wish I did have a pregnancy. However, that being said I can honesty say and have said
I AM SO GLAD WE DIDN"T GET PREGNANT! just wanted to shout it.

I can not image our life with out this particular human being in it. My child is a different color from me, and that matters not. What matters is that my child knows who her Momma and Daddy are. My child knows how loved and wanted and cared for she is. My child knows I would pick her over any one else in the whole entire world. Maybe, not a popular sentiment on a relationship board but true.

My illness does have an effect on her, however not because she feels responsible. It effects how balls to the wall we can be, in playing.

I can honestly say there has never ever been a regretful moment since we adopted her. I know the exact moment I realized my baby knew I was her Mama. Duh! she knew before I did. We got her at 1 day old. When we came home and I handed my perfectly happy newborn to my neighbor and she started screaming and I took her back, imediate happy baby. I knew, she knew she was my baby. One of the best days of my entire life.

I think only you will know what is right for you and Karma. I do know you can nurse an adopted baby. Our's happened so fast we couldn't do that.
She came a month early.
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  #24  
Old 01-03-2011, 02:50 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Sorry, just getting in on this conversation. I was adopted....When I was about 3 1/2. I was litteraly stolen form my mother at 3 years old. She was working as a gogo dancer, and left me with the babysitter to go to work. The sitter decided to go out to the bar to get drunk, and dropped me off at the police station telling them that "some lady just dropped him off with me".

Well, my mother came home to no sitter, and no baby. She went to the police immediatly and asked if they had a blond haired, blue eyes baby boy. They said they did, but could not return him as he was abandoned.

Well, my mom fought and tried to get me back, but she knew she needed lots of money and imbezzeled about $10000 from a businessman in Columbus, ohio. She got caught, and put in prison for a year.

During this prison time, she tried to get me placed with my grandmother, but the judge said that my grandmother was too old. The SAME DAY and in the SAME COURTROOM, he placed me into the custody of my adoptive parents...... Who felt that if they threw enough money at something, they could fix it's problems and issues.

30 years later, I found my biological mother again and re-connected with her. I actually moved from Washington state to Florida to be closer to her. And now, I don't talk to my adoptive parents at all. (for other reasons not mentioned here)



SO....My opinion is this; IF you adopt, please please PLEASE keep it an open adoption. If the child ever figures out they were adopted (and they will. Kids are crafty) they will wonder WHY they were put up for adoption, and WHO their biological parents were. It will hurt both YOU, and THE CHILD to keep it closed.






p.s. Oh, and also...Please adopt a child who is LOCAL, and not one of these kids from China or Ethiopia, or somewhere else. We have PLEANTY of kids LOCALLY who need the help just as much. Help our own, so we can eventually help others and save the world.



Oh yeah, and food for thought here: Nature vs. Nurture - My biological father was very mechanically inclined. I never knew him or even anything about him until I was 33 years old. My adopted father was a surgeon, and my adopted mother was a nurse. I never got into the medical field, and have always been very mechanically inclined. In fact, I'm currently working as a mechanic.
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Last edited by TL4everu2; 01-03-2011 at 02:58 PM.
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  #25  
Old 01-03-2011, 02:58 PM
Livingmybestlife Livingmybestlife is offline
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We tried to do open adoption. Our child's birthmother was open through an inter mediatary. She wanted us to adopt her other 3 children, when her child was 3 months old. We said yes, however the judge said no. The judge didn't feel she had worked on a parenting plan. End result was she disappeared and we had no clue we had first rights to the kids. They were spilt up in foster care and we don't know where they or their birth mother is.
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  #26  
Old 01-03-2011, 03:00 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife View Post
We tried to do open adoption. Our child's birthmother was open through an inter mediatary. She wanted us to adopt her other 3 children, when her child was 3 months old. We said yes, however the judge said no. The judge didn't feel she had worked on a parenting plan. End result was she disappeared and we had no clue we had first rights to the kids. They were spilt up in foster care and we don't know where they or their birth mother is.
Once again, the gooberment took charge here and messed up.
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  #27  
Old 01-03-2011, 10:22 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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TL I am so sorry for your experiences, but I am glad you've found your birth mother.

If we adopt we've already dicsussed being open about it. I have no desire to hide that. And we just talked about open adoption last night. I think as long as the birth parents can handle it, I'm okay with an open adoption. My fear is a parent who always regrets the decision and puts the child in a place where they feel torn between us and them. I have several people in my life who were adopted and found out later and it had a big effect on them. I don't like secrets, of any type.

We also talked surrogacey last night. Which is what I am leaning towards at the moment.

TL- I love hearing about nature vs nurture. Karma didn't meet his dad until he was 24, right before we got married. I could not get past all the similarities. The even have the same speach pattern! He is much more similar to his dad than his step dad. It just amazes me.
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  #28  
Old 01-04-2011, 12:41 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Mo, While I'm angry at the gooberment, I'm not upset with my mother or my adoptive parents for what happened. My mother was a victim of the system, and my adoptive parents may have had theier hearts in the right place, but didn't know how to handle a child like me. I was a rough one.
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  #29  
Old 01-06-2011, 03:35 AM
Livingmybestlife Livingmybestlife is offline
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I thought more about this subject. Interestingly, enough there are days we have quiet days at home due to my condition. However, we have the same thing happen for my daughter's health issues. There have been times I have read to her for 8 to 10 hours at a time, as she couldn't take the noise of the television in her pain. I think she feels a normal amount of wanting to please and care for me.

I also know she forgets she is adopted, she actually said the other day well if you two didn't fall in love I wouldn't be here. Then she said ahh, I gucess i would. I said yes, you would be on earth but not with your family. She laughed and said your right. We talk whenever, she wants about anything to do with her biological family. Including her asking me about her birthmother's using drugs. I explained to her it wasn't for us to judge. That we didn't really understand her birthmother's life or circumstances or why she made those choices. The only choices we understood was her love for our daughter, and her desparate want to keep her out of living a life in an out foster care.

We also from the time she was born read her this book called where were you the night I was born, by Jamie Lee Curtis. We would have stayed in contact
with her birthmother or spoken or seen her directly. She made the choices not to do those things. Perhaps to protect herself. I have no clue.

Whatever, decision you make I know that happy adjusted adopted children are possible for a chronically ill parent.

I feel the pain of other's who didn't have the openess we do.
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  #30  
Old 01-09-2011, 02:18 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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I am an adopted child and I have biological and adopted children. For me, it doesn't make a difference but for some it does. The couple I have been involved with are in their late 30s and don't have any children. They have been working on it and the wife did end up pregnant mid 2010 but ended up losing that baby. She had told me early on that they would try and, if they weren't successful in a certain amount of time, they would adopt. However, she acknowledged that our male partner's thing was having 'his' baby and all of his actions and statements verify his obsession with having his 'own' child. As soon as she came off of her post-miscarriage sex hiatus, he's been focused on making sure he cums in her as often as possible during the period of ovulation after each menstrual. My personal thoughts basically didn't support what they were doing because it is like doing the same thing, in the same circumstances trying to get a different result (since all of the conditions that were present the first time around (lack of sleep, bad eating habits, same stresses still exist) BUT no one ask me my opinion the second time around so I didn't offer it but I digress. I believe you should do what is healthy for you. There are also other options if you guys really want to have your 'own' children. I had offered to be a surrogate to my partners if they could not successfully carry to term.

Though, I have read your blog and know where you guys are now, I missed this thread so I decided to respond.
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