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  #71  
Old 12-19-2010, 09:33 PM
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did they actually tell her that she is their "child substitue?"
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  #72  
Old 12-19-2010, 10:11 PM
Athena Athena is offline
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Before you assume its a child substitute as you put it, you really need to know their cultural orientation. In some cultures, if you have it (money), you spoil those you love who don't - including if it is perfectly romantic. Are you sure there aren't issues you are finding with them because you are feeling threatened in your relationship with GF, like feeling you need to compete with them?
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  #73  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:27 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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No, those are my thoughts, child substitute. They used the word "toy," as I've mentioned before. I'm just saying, they have resources ($) they wouldnt have if they had kids' stuff to pay for.

I don't mind at all her M pays for everything. Heck, I've got more money than gf too and pay more than my share for entertainment and wine etc. I'm happy to have someone else to pay for her dinners out for a change! M is much better off than me. So, it's all good.

And yeah, M is from Spain. I dunno if that enters into it, but he knows she's been unemployed for quite a while and he doesn't seem to mind being her sugar daddy.
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  #74  
Old 12-20-2010, 07:44 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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While I don't think she's their child substitute, I agree it might be the opposite. That is, they probably aren't "getting" her because they don't have children and want something to "replace that", but on the other hand didn't have children so they could save that money for things they actually wanted, such as a girlfriend. That much makes sense to me, and I know a lot of CF people who don't have children so they can travel more, or things like that.
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  #75  
Old 12-20-2010, 08:56 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
While I don't think she's their child substitute, I agree it might be the opposite. That is, they probably aren't "getting" her because they don't have children and want something to "replace that", but on the other hand didn't have children so they could save that money for things they actually wanted, such as a girlfriend. That much makes sense to me, and I know a lot of CF people who don't have children so they can travel more, or things like that.
having more disposable income is certainly a side effect of not having children, but the reason CF people typically don't have children is because we JUST DON'T WANT ANY. We're often pressed for "reasons" why and we give external answers such as "because of overpopulation" or "because it's too expensive", but when have you ever heard of people who really WANT children let those "reasons" stop them? Those are just platitudes we throw out to TRY to get folks to stop nagging us about it.

Ordinarily, I'd say "sorry about the thread hijack" but in this case it's not a "hijack".
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  #76  
Old 12-20-2010, 10:45 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I'm (kind of) CF too, and I agree that the main reason for not having children is not wanting them. Why would you have children if you don't have any?
I say "kind of" because I don't want biological children, but my boyfriend says he might adopt and I said I would help raise the kid... But I would be more of an aunt, I don't think I would consider myself a parent. It would be his child, not mine.

Anyways, my point was that a lot of discussions among CFs go along the lines of "here are all the things I can do thanks to not having kids" and things like extra money, extra time and extra mobility (no need to worry about uprooting your kid if you want to live in a different country every six months) come up often. Of course, all these things are of little importance for people who do want kids, they'll trade them off happily, but when you don't want them to begin with, it's good to be able to enjoy these things and tell yourself that you couldn't have if you had had kids.

So I wasn't trying to say that their main motivation for not having kids was to be able to spoil a girlfriend. (In my opinion, you don't need a motivation not to have kids, it's to have them that you need one anyway). But what I meant to say is that while I doubt they spoil their girlfriend to "replace" a child they "lack", on the other hand it's not having children that gives them the opportunity to spoil her that much more.
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  #77  
Old 12-21-2010, 12:28 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I've always been childfree by choice, too. Just raising my hand to be counted among you, whoever you are.
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Last edited by nycindie; 12-21-2010 at 12:31 AM.
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