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  #831  
Old 12-05-2013, 09:18 PM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
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Default Hello!

So good to read an update, and hear how you're doing. Seems like a lot of members from that time period have kind of stepped back, and it's good to know that you're expressing yourself and asking for the things that you need. Admiration and respect, as always.
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  #832  
Old 12-06-2013, 05:15 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol View Post
So good to read an update, and hear how you're doing. Seems like a lot of members from that time period have kind of stepped back, and it's good to know that you're expressing yourself and asking for the things that you need. Admiration and respect, as always.
Thanks, BP.

I've been venturing slightly more into the other sections of the board lately and have been well reminded why I stopped. Ugh, it's emotionally taxing as hell.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #833  
Old 12-07-2013, 05:20 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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I'm still enjoying following your tumblr. It is interesting (and makes sense) that if you hadn't posted on here, I would've thought things were sexual and easygoing again for you and Gia. I will keep my fingers crossed for you, and glad you have been having positive interactions. Also, if you don't look at www.apartmenttherapy.com I recommend it for small spaces!
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  #834  
Old 12-07-2013, 09:53 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
I'm still enjoying following your tumblr. It is interesting (and makes sense) that if you hadn't posted on here, I would've thought things were sexual and easygoing again for you and Gia. I will keep my fingers crossed for you, and glad you have been having positive interactions. Also, if you don't look at www.apartmenttherapy.com I recommend it for small spaces!
Glad you're liking the tumblr! I still get a lot out of it, though I'm doing less long-form blogging there these days. I think I just said a lot of what I needed to say.

With Gia, I think in part I got tired of describing the same problems over and over. If things aren't changing, what's the point in chronicling it? :/ I'm continuing to give her time, but I notice myself feeling somewhat less emotionally invested in the relationship. I think that's a sort of natural defense mechanism on my part -- pulling back unconsciously to avoid feeling sad as much. It's so lame that sex has to mean this much to me. I also worry that I've screwed things up by expressing how much it means to me, because now things may be more awkward and pressure-y. *shrugs*

Thanks for the site recommendation, I took a look just now and found some good stuff there.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #835  
Old 12-18-2013, 04:44 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Updates!

*

After six difficult months of unemployment, Davis got a new job. It pays well and it's in his field. He got very scared right before he started, and depressed that he had so few people to celebrate with. He's done a good job of isolating himself these past few years. I again suggested therapy. But I also made a point of making time to celebrate with him before it started.

In some ways, I feel closer to him than ever. We are always helping each other out and checking in with each other and sharing books and shows. We understand each other on a very deep level. In other ways, I feel myself drawing away. Specifically, in terms of physical intimacy. I've been really uninterested in it with him lately. I don't know why, I just don't feel that drive with him. I asked him if he thought we could still be friends if that part of our relationship stopped. He said yes, though it would make him sad.

*

Gia and Eric have an agreement that, unless one of them is out on a date with an extra-marital partner where sex could be reasonably assumed to occur, they will check in with each other before having sexual contact with extra-marital partners if possible, and, if not, inform each other immediately afterwards. There were one or two instances where it turned out he was fooling around with someone when Gia thought he was gone for a different reason, which made her uncomfortable, especially if she was at home watching their child alone, and it was after that that this rule was instated.

Well, Eric went out to help his gf, Helen, with something, and afterwards they had a brief sexual liaison. Gia found out a few days later by seeing an online conversation between him and Helen that mentioned it (b/c of his history of bending the truth in the past, he's given her permission to look at his communiques if she wants to). She was VERY upset. He had no good explanation and was very apologetic. She reached out to Helen to request that, in the future, if they're not on a date, she ask Eric if he's checked in with her before anything sexual occurs. She explained that she wasn't mad at her, and that she was sorry to have to make the request.

Helen responded by breaking up with Eric, with no real explanation.

Eric was pretty distraught. This was interesting for everyone involved, since he's said before that he doesn't know how he feels about Helen exactly (something more than friendship, something less than love?). He's not the most in-touch-with-his-feelings guy in the world.

I contacted Helen right away. I felt a sisterly metamour-kinship with her, and was saddened at the thought that she was hurting. Turns out she was an utter wreck. She explained to me that she loved Eric, and that she couldn't stand the idea of hurting their family in any way. She was also very worried that somehow her presence in their lives would negatively affect Bee (something a couple of "friends" had told her was the case).

Well, as you can imagine, I had opinions on all of that. I talked to her at length about why I thought she was mistaken, sent her some research on children and polyamory, and talked her through the whole thing. I felt like my experience giving page after page of advice on this site helped.

She and Eric also talked at length. A few days later, she decided to give it another try. In a weird way, it seems like this may have been good for them -- he was forced to think about his feelings for her, and she proved how much she cares, and that she's strong enough to walk away.

Gia and Eric and I are supposed to go out to a show together on Friday night. They'll have a babysitter, and the plan is to go back to my place and get hot and heavy afterwards. It's been a full year since I've been sexual with Eric, and a full six months since I've been sexual with Gia. 0_0 We'll see how it goes. I find myself feeling oddly detached from the idea. Interested, but sort of skeptical as to whether it'll really happen, I guess.

*

Clay has been seeing a new person. I'll call her... Lana. She's a few years younger than the rest of us, and isn't kinky (which just seems odd to me, considering how very, very kinky he is). They've been seeing each other twice a week on average, which seems like a lot, comparatively.

I've felt random moments of jealousy towards her. I'll see her name on his Google calendar and think "what do they DO together anyway, can she really be so interesting, he sure is spending a lot of time with her, grumpgrumpgrump." While part of me is thinking these uncharitable thoughts, another part is chuckling at how silly they are. We're still seeing each other once a week, just as we were before. I don't have time for anything more. He tells me he loves me every day. There is no rationale whatsoever for any sort of feeling of jealousy. And yet, there it is, if only in a minor, occasional way. I let it wash over me, and assume that it will fade once I get a chance to meet her and know her as a person.

Clay and I actually may have reached an exciting new stage in our relationship. We've been talking now and then about maybe getting more intense with our D/s. Well, finally I wrote up a long email detailing my thoughts on the sorts of things we might do together. We saw each other that night, and he talked at length about what I'd written. Our ideas are very much in sync. Our kinky love-making that night felt powerfully connecting, and we both spoke glowingly of it, and of our feelings for each other, afterwards.

He makes me SO happy. Every day, whether I'm seeing him or not, I think of him and smile.
__________________
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #836  
Old 01-05-2014, 04:14 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Updates to the updates!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
In other ways, I feel myself drawing away. Specifically, in terms of physical intimacy. I've been really uninterested in it with him lately. I don't know why, I just don't feel that drive with him.
Turns out this isn't true when the sex is kinky.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Gia and Eric and I are supposed to go out to a show together on Friday night. They'll have a babysitter, and the plan is to go back to my place and get hot and heavy afterwards. It's been a full year since I've been sexual with Eric, and a full six months since I've been sexual with Gia. 0_0 We'll see how it goes. I find myself feeling oddly detached from the idea. Interested, but sort of skeptical as to whether it'll really happen, I guess.
Turns out I was right to keep myself emotionally detached from the idea -- they weren't able to find a babysitter willing to stay extra late, and so we had to abandon the idea of hooking up.

Gia is considering going off hormonal birth control again, and trying a copper IUD instead. Based on past experience, she may well lose much of her attraction to women. Not that her attraction to women has been able to translate into action these past 7 months, because of her anxiety. It seems like at some point I'm going to have to really decide -- what would it mean if sex were off the table between us? How important is that aspect, really?

She and I had a really fun date the other weekend. We talked, walked, got food, did a little shopping, then laid on my bed together and talked and talked some more. No making out or anything like that. It was a good time. I felt very close to her. If I can hold on to the mindset that allows me to enjoy those times, without yearning for something more, maybe we really could be non-sexual girlfriends, something I'd never considered feasible before. Hmm.

*

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Clay has been seeing a new person. I'll call her... Lana. She's a few years younger than the rest of us, and isn't kinky (which just seems odd to me, considering how very, very kinky he is).

...

There is no rationale whatsoever for any sort of feeling of jealousy. And yet, there it is, if only in a minor, occasional way. I let it wash over me, and assume that it will fade once I get a chance to meet her and know her as a person.
I should've seen this coming -- Clay is getting Lana into kink. Heh!

I was right that meeting her helped a lot. She seems like a genuine and self-possessed person. I liked her. I haven't felt more than an echo of mild jealousy since.

Clay and I had an amazingly good date the other day. It lasted for more than 24 hours, from the evening of one day straight through to the evening of the next. I bought him dinner, rubbed his back, and made him breakfast. He bought a new toy and used it on me to GREAT effect (I came so hard I sobbed, no lie), tied me up, and had his way with me. We shared Chinese food for lunch, watched TED Talks together, and chatted about our relationship. Izzy came over for a little while with her partner Royce, and we all hung out. I ran out for a bit to drop off some cough syrup and soup to Davis, who had a bad cold. But for the most part, it was just a long stretch of the two of us savoring each other's company. We're in love in that way where you know you're being sappy as hell and you don't care in the least. <3
__________________
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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