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  #51  
Old 01-12-2011, 06:29 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Well, I guess we need the context. Considering she had her tube tied, was it a "I won't get snipped, you get your tubes tied" kind of thing, or did you talk about it and you personally didn't feel comfortable getting snipped so she did it, or something else?
Weeellll.....It was 13 years ago, and I still felt that I would be loosing something if I was snipped. Like I would loose my sex drive or something. Since we dated our last couple, and he was snipped and had no issues with sex drive, I have felt more secure in the knowledge that will not happen....So I kinda told her "No way!" And since neither of us wanted anymore kids, it made sense to have ONE of us get clipped. Hers was more invasive, but it's done now and out of the way.

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I can understand how the idea of potentially having another child from your wife, that you have a more comfortable relationship with, would be less scary and therefore the idea of getting snipped, which can be psychologically hard, wasn't "worth it". But now that there might be a risk for someone you aren't married with, it's more of an incentive because on the one hand you want to protect a future child, who would be in a tricky situation being a lovechild, and make sure you don,t put them in that position, and on the other hand for yourself you also might not want to risk having to pay but not being able to see your child as much because this relationship isn't as "secure", and for your GF you might worry that it would be hard to be a "single mom" and possibly be seen as a slut, and for your wife that it might be hard that you have kids with someone else, etc, etc.
Wow, some issues I hadn't even THOUGHT of yet. LOL Actually, our gf is 45....so for her to bear another child would be difficult on her physically as well as mentally. Especially considering her children are all out of the house.

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It just involves more people and that might be what decided you. Also, now that it's not about one couple being sterile (you and your wife) but there are more relationships because you're poly, you might be starting to see it on an individual basis, that is every person becomes responsible of their own birth control, it's not the couple but each individual, as each individual might be involved in more than one relationship. In that case, vasectomy makes a lot of sense because it protects ALL your partners from an unwanted pregnancy, rather than needing another form of birth control with each one of them individually.
Not really an issue as we are all three poly-fi. My wife and I don't want any others. (at this time ) and neither does our GF. (at this time ) So for us, this is as large as our poly family will get.....at this time. LOL I add that because you never know what the future may hold when it comes to love and relationships. 20 years ago, I NEVER would have thought I would have delved into the swinging lifestyle....let alone be married to a woman who is also poly! I knew I wanted more than one....but I thought I was weird and needed a psychiatrist or something. LOL

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Also, how long has it been? It's also possible that while you weren't willing to do it at the time, enough time has passed that you feel it's the right thing to do too, and not just for your girlfriend, but for your wife as well, for yourself, for everyone involved.
It's been about 13 years. And back then, we weren't swinging yet. Hadn't even thought about it yet......but it was shortly afterward that we met my wife's first boyfriend since we got married. He happened to be my best friend at the time. Well, one thing led to another, and we're glad she had her tubes tied, because after about 6 months or so of playing, we were fluid bonded.


For ME....The issue was always that I was going to loose something....my manhood, my sex drive, SOMETHING. So I was AFRAID to do it. NOW, with research readily available on the web, FRIENDS who have had the procedure done successfully and had no ill effects.....I'm not AS afraid of it anymore. In fact, I kinda look forward to my wife and our GF pampering me and my man parts. LOL
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  #52  
Old 01-12-2011, 06:31 PM
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I had this idea that just maybe we (you and me) might want more babies, but I know I don't want any with her... and have reason to believe you and I have confirmed that we don't wnat more now as well.
But in that moment, I just didn't know if maybe we'd change our mind.

??
Very good, but it would be deceptive and partially a lie. I can't do that. Thank you though!
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  #53  
Old 01-12-2011, 06:32 PM
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yeah, that was before I read your next post.

For us it was simple, he got fixed first.
So I told GG, it's coverage or snipped.
He got snipped.
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  #54  
Old 01-12-2011, 06:45 PM
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I think you explained it perfectly: at the time, you thought it would be bad for your sex drive and your manhood and you weren't willing to risk it. Now, you know it's not true. Had you known had the time you would have done it for her (or for yourself) so it's not about her or your girlfriend, it's about how your perceptions of the procedure changed. The fears you had at the time have been dismissed, BUT you didn't have a reason to get snipped when you stopped having these fears because she already was and you didn't both need to be. So it hadn't come up until now.
Just be honest with her and I think she'll understand.
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  #55  
Old 01-12-2011, 06:51 PM
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
For ME....The issue was always that I was going to loose something....my manhood, my sex drive, SOMETHING. So I was AFRAID to do it. NOW, with research readily available on the web, FRIENDS who have had the procedure done successfully and had no ill effects.....I'm not AS afraid of it anymore.
A vasectomy has nothing to do with sex drive or "manhood." It simply prevents sperm from being released in the ejaculation. You do still ejaculate after a vasectomy, but it's worry-free! Sperm is still produced in the testes after a vasectomy, but production tends to go down. However, that has nothing to do with your manhood or virility. Sperm is only a small percentage of semen, anyway. Just think of it as a bridge between the sperm and semen no longer being there, while nothing else is affected. Testosterone levels stay the same. My husband had it done when we decided to get married. It's a very easy, simple procedure. A few days to heal and we never had to think about pregnancy again.
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  #56  
Old 01-12-2011, 06:58 PM
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Oh I know Cindie...I know....I've done a LOT of research into it. In fact, here in Tampa, there is a doctor who does it with no scalpel. All laser. Still....Like I said...Not AS scared. LOL
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:26 PM
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I got a vasectomy about three years ago. I carried around fear of the procedure for about 3 years, I think, before I mustured up the courage to get it done.

The reality was that it was just about the easiest medical procedure that I could possibly imagine. No fuss, no muss. Took less than 15 min. I didn't have pain after about an hour. And the pain I did experience was very minor. I had a "no needle, no scapel" procudure that apparently dramatically reduces recovery time.

I've literally had way worse experiences getting blood drawn or getting my teeth cleaned at the Dentist.
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  #58  
Old 01-12-2011, 08:38 PM
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I got a vasectomy about three years ago. I carried around fear of the procedure for about 3 years, I think, before I mustured up the courage to get it done.

The reality was that it was just about the easiest medical procedure that I could possibly imagine. No fuss, no muss. Took less than 15 min. I didn't have pain after about an hour. And the pain I did experience was very minor. I had a "no needle, no scapel" procudure that apparently dramatically reduces recovery time.

I've literally had way worse experiences getting blood drawn or getting my teeth cleaned at the Dentist.
Thank you for this info sir.
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  #59  
Old 01-12-2011, 08:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I think you explained it perfectly: at the time, you thought it would be bad for your sex drive and your manhood and you weren't willing to risk it. Now, you know it's not true. Had you known had the time you would have done it for her (or for yourself) so it's not about her or your girlfriend, it's about how your perceptions of the procedure changed. The fears you had at the time have been dismissed, BUT you didn't have a reason to get snipped when you stopped having these fears because she already was and you didn't both need to be. So it hadn't come up until now.
Just be honest with her and I think she'll understand.
And I think that you actually put it far simpler than I would have. LOL I have this bad communication thing working against me. So if it CAN be messed up...I WILL mess it up. LOL
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:49 PM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
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Originally Posted by MindfulAgony View Post
I got a vasectomy about three years ago. I carried around fear of the procedure for about 3 years, I think, before I mustured up the courage to get it done.

The reality was that it was just about the easiest medical procedure that I could possibly imagine. No fuss, no muss. Took less than 15 min. I didn't have pain after about an hour. And the pain I did experience was very minor. I had a "no needle, no scapel" procudure that apparently dramatically reduces recovery time.

I've literally had way worse experiences getting blood drawn or getting my teeth cleaned at the Dentist.
It does go wrong for a very small minority of men. I know one of them. He had a previously unsuspected genetic thing. His body does not reabsorb some component what is produced inside, which can longer be ejaculated from the body. This gets infected, his own body defences attack it. He has had several severe infections over the years and still has perpetually painful swollen testicles. It ruined his marriage and wrecked his life.
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