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  #41  
Old 01-09-2011, 07:53 PM
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In our relationship HUbs doesnt wear condoms becuse he is snipped but bf does. BC is a tricky thing with me. I had the Depo shot years ago but had over 7 months of hell with it. Hubs said it was the best form of BC because well since the shot screwed me up so bad they had to put me on 2 other forms of estrogen trying to stop the effects it was putting me through. After having our first child I found out that my body all of a sudden did not like latex. So we tried the spermicide.. which turned into a problem for him lol. I have thought about getting back on the pill but I have to quit smoking since I am getting awfully close to the bad age for smoking and the pill. My bf and I years ago were bareback more often than not. I can honestly say Im not worried about STDs with either one of them but I do not want to end up pregnant again. Im thinking the pill might make a comeback again for us soon. Heck of alot cheaper than buying special condoms lol. I as a female dont like the feel of condoms during or after. Never did. And well even my bf will say they are a PITA lol.
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  #42  
Old 01-09-2011, 08:33 PM
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In our relationship HUbs doesnt wear condoms becuse he is snipped but bf does. BC is a tricky thing with me. I had the Depo shot years ago but had over 7 months of hell with it. Hubs said it was the best form of BC because well since the shot screwed me up so bad they had to put me on 2 other forms of estrogen trying to stop the effects it was putting me through. After having our first child I found out that my body all of a sudden did not like latex. So we tried the spermicide.. which turned into a problem for him lol. I have thought about getting back on the pill but I have to quit smoking since I am getting awfully close to the bad age for smoking and the pill. My bf and I years ago were bareback more often than not. I can honestly say Im not worried about STDs with either one of them but I do not want to end up pregnant again. Im thinking the pill might make a comeback again for us soon. Heck of alot cheaper than buying special condoms lol. I as a female dont like the feel of condoms during or after. Never did. And well even my bf will say they are a PITA lol.
Have you thought about the Mirena or another kind of IUD? I've had Mirena for 6 years (on the second one now) and it works great. The depot shot did some terrible things to me as well - including causing major weight gain, depression, anxiety, and a complete lack of sex drive - which for anyone who knows me is a practically a death sentence in and of itself, but I stuck with it for 3 years before realizing it was the cause. I'm allergic to spermacide myself and got pregnant on the pill, so this is my best choice and allows my husband and b/f to go bareback w/o worrying.
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  #43  
Old 01-09-2011, 09:20 PM
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Have you thought about the Mirena or another kind of IUD? I've had Mirena for 6 years (on the second one now) and it works great. The depot shot did some terrible things to me as well - including causing major weight gain, depression, anxiety, and a complete lack of sex drive - which for anyone who knows me is a practically a death sentence in and of itself, but I stuck with it for 3 years before realizing it was the cause. I'm allergic to spermacide myself and got pregnant on the pill, so this is my best choice and allows my husband and b/f to go bareback w/o worrying.
Actually I was thinking about that but have never met anyone who used it to ask about it. Depo caused major bleeding, weight gain hair loss and NO sex drive. Hubs said it was the best birth control because there was NO change of getting any to get prego LOL. Think I should talk to the doc about Mirena. Thanks
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  #44  
Old 01-10-2011, 04:07 AM
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Actually I was thinking about that but have never met anyone who used it to ask about it. Depo caused major bleeding, weight gain hair loss and NO sex drive. Hubs said it was the best birth control because there was NO change of getting any to get prego LOL. Think I should talk to the doc about Mirena. Thanks
I love it and the best part for me is NOT getting my period and NOT getting pregnant. I used to get awful debilitating cramps but now I rarely have break through spotting. I've lost most of the weight and kept it off too, which helped alot. And I got my drive back, though I'm not sure Wolf thinks that's a good thing some days since he can't keep up with me anymore. Good luck talking to your doctor.
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  #45  
Old 01-12-2011, 09:03 AM
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If you have a problem with hormonal birth control (as I did) you can also ask about copper IUDs, which aren't hormonal. However, hormonal IUDs (such as Mirena) are typically much less harsh on you than other hormonal birth control. Still, I thought I'd point it out (especially since depending on the model, they last up to ten years!).
I've been wearing a copper IUD for three years now and all the problems I had due to hormones vanished pretty much right away. It hurt to have it put in, but then it just felt like menstrual cramps for a couple of days and I was fine afterwards.

Each body responds differently, but personally my periods have been less painful since and I stopped having migraines as well. Also, while I had more blood loss the first few months, I know have much, much less than I ever did on the pill.
If you opt for a hormonal IUD, periods are much smaller and might even vanish completely, although it varies from one woman to the next. I hear copper ones typically increase the flow but it's not always the case (wasn't for me).

One thing with IUDs it that if you do get a STD or STI, having a IUD in place can complicate it. My solution? Don't catch one! But it's something to keep in mind. It also only prevents pregnancy in your uterus, meaning it's not going to stop you from getting one outside the womb (although it doesn't cause them either, and they're rare, so I don't personally worry about it. But it's true that most other forms of birth control work for ALL pregnancies, and this one is more focused. Obviously a pregnancy outside the womb needs to be terminated anyways for health reasons, but it's something to keep in mind.)

I personally love my IUD. I think the best form of birth control is the one that works for you, so I tried to be fair and give the pros and the cons. Feel free to read up on other methods too and/or ask your doctor so you can make an informed decision.

Going back to the subject, I really care about fluid bonding. I do believe it's a matter of trust, mostly trusting everyone to at least use condoms or other protection if they screw around, and to a lesser extent trusting them to to screw around. But I'd feel more comfortable with someone I know is likely to screw around but sure to use protection than someone less likely to screw around but who wouldn't use protection if he did.
Regular testing is also a good plan. If someone has something for whatever reason, you want all the others to know.
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  #46  
Old 01-12-2011, 12:34 PM
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Considering getting snipped myself. The reason? Because I think it would be the best option for our relationship. T, L, V. I am T, my wife is L, and our girlfriend is V. L has had her tubes tied. V has not. V is on a BC shot, and says it has worked well for her in the past. However, due to her insurance ending at one of her jobs (she is going full time at a diff job now) her shots will have to wait a little while. This puts us at risk. Not at risk of STD's....But of pregnancy. There is always a chance, and I don't like chances. Not when it comes to kids. It's not fair to the child. And, honestly, wearing a condom, is a drag. Get all hot and in the moment, and "oh...wait...hold on a sec while I rip open a condom and put it on." I hate that moment. It should be a good moment, but I hate it. So, my wife and I have thought about it in the recent past. I have gotten a lot of info on it also.

Now to the "other part" of it all. This subject came up when my wife and I were dating another couple. I was ok with it, but my wife was like "You wouldn't get snipped with me after our second child, but you would for HER? WTF?". A reasonable question I think. But I didn't have a good answer. Any help people? Because I know it's gonna come up again.
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Old 01-12-2011, 03:19 PM
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Now to the "other part" of it all. This subject came up when my wife and I were dating another couple. I was ok with it, but my wife was like "You wouldn't get snipped with me after our second child, but you would for HER? WTF?". A reasonable question I think. But I didn't have a good answer. Any help people? Because I know it's gonna come up again.
Because you want to feel safe and secure in your fluid bonded non monogamy...
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  #48  
Old 01-12-2011, 03:26 PM
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I agree Tonberry. Wendigo and I actually had this conversation the other day. We had an adventure the other night (the four of us and a friend who we were helping with his bucket list) and afterwards I mentioned that I wouldn't have felt comfortable having our friend cum inside me.... I'd have been fine with him cumming on me or on Pretty Lady and helping clean her off, but not having his cum inside me. I couldn't explain it at the time and, internally, wondered if our friend would feel bad if he knew. But Wendigo pointed out to me that its the difference between being sexy and being intimate. I'm intimate with my lovers and I value that intimacy, but friends or casual sex partners are just that and don't deserve anything more than sexy from me.
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  #49  
Old 01-12-2011, 05:01 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Now to the "other part" of it all. This subject came up when my wife and I were dating another couple. I was ok with it, but my wife was like "You wouldn't get snipped with me after our second child, but you would for HER? WTF?". A reasonable question I think. But I didn't have a good answer. Any help people? Because I know it's gonna come up again.
Well, I guess we need the context. Considering she had her tube tied, was it a "I won't get snipped, you get your tubes tied" kind of thing, or did you talk about it and you personally didn't feel comfortable getting snipped so she did it, or something else?
I can understand how the idea of potentially having another child from your wife, that you have a more comfortable relationship with, would be less scary and therefore the idea of getting snipped, which can be psychologically hard, wasn't "worth it". But now that there might be a risk for someone you aren't married with, it's more of an incentive because on the one hand you want to protect a future child, who would be in a tricky situation being a lovechild, and make sure you don,t put them in that position, and on the other hand for yourself you also might not want to risk having to pay but not being able to see your child as much because this relationship isn't as "secure", and for your GF you might worry that it would be hard to be a "single mom" and possibly be seen as a slut, and for your wife that it might be hard that you have kids with someone else, etc, etc.
It just involves more people and that might be what decided you. Also, now that it's not about one couple being sterile (you and your wife) but there are more relationships because you're poly, you might be starting to see it on an individual basis, that is every person becomes responsible of their own birth control, it's not the couple but each individual, as each individual might be involved in more than one relationship. In that case, vasectomy makes a lot of sense because it protects ALL your partners from an unwanted pregnancy, rather than needing another form of birth control with each one of them individually.

Also, how long has it been? It's also possible that while you weren't willing to do it at the time, enough time has passed that you feel it's the right thing to do too, and not just for your girlfriend, but for your wife as well, for yourself, for everyone involved.
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  #50  
Old 01-12-2011, 06:27 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Now to the "other part" of it all. This subject came up when my wife and I were dating another couple. I was ok with it, but my wife was like "You wouldn't get snipped with me after our second child, but you would for HER? WTF?". A reasonable question I think. But I didn't have a good answer. Any help people? Because I know it's gonna come up again.
I had this idea that just maybe we (you and me) might want more babies, but I know I don't want any with her... and have reason to believe you and I have confirmed that we don't wnat more now as well.
But in that moment, I just didn't know if maybe we'd change our mind.

??
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