Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #181  
Old 08-13-2013, 01:41 AM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822
Default

It's an unspoken rule because, for us, because it's common sense. We are at the age of raising teenagers, not children. None of us wants anymore children and with anyone outside of the group, there is no proof that they are on birth control. So condoms it is.
Reply With Quote
  #182  
Old 08-13-2013, 03:06 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130
Default

The only unspoken rule is "if we haven't spoken about it, it's not a rule."

If you say it's common sense, then it's not a rule. If they happen to do that, you're not going to say "You broke our rule!" You're going to say "Holy shit, what the fuck were you thinking?!"

The thing about common sense is... it isn't. Common, that is. People often apply this term to refer to things that are obvious to them and therefore must be obvious to everyone. But there's nothing "common sense" about condoms. That "sense" comes from education, growing up in a society that is aware of sexually transmitted diseases, being clever enough to understand how that applies in your life, and being careful to apply that knowledge regularly.
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Reply With Quote
  #183  
Old 08-13-2013, 09:34 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Natja View Post
I don't even understand what an unspoken rule is, how can you have a rule if no one has even communicated it? Especially when it is about something so fundamental as sexual health...Personally I don't get how people can be so coy with people they are intimate with.
It has nothing to do with being coy about discussing sex, just, if you know that the people you choose to date want to plan any children they have and don't want themselves or you to get an STD, you don't have to worry very much.
Reply With Quote
  #184  
Old 08-13-2013, 06:54 PM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822
Default

I don't find it being coy. . . we're all grown ups, we all know the risks, Runic Wolf and I have been together for 15 years, Wendigo and his wife have been together for 20 years. I am the first outside relationship he's had in 17 years, I can't get pregnant. We've been fluid bonded for 4 years. Runic Wolf hasn't had any LTR's in the last 10 years. He doesn't want any kids outside of our marriage and the few women he's dated don't want kids at this point in their lives either. He's seen it fuck up our friend's life when his SO had an affair and got pregnant by the other guy while he was recovering from spinal surgery. So he doesn't take that risk. Sure, we could have "the talk" but we don't need to because we actually do know each other well enough to expect that.
Reply With Quote
  #185  
Old 08-15-2013, 02:58 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 364
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
I don't find it being coy. . . we're all grown ups, we all know the risks, Runic Wolf and I have been together for 15 years, Wendigo and his wife have been together for 20 years. I am the first outside relationship he's had in 17 years, I can't get pregnant. We've been fluid bonded for 4 years. Runic Wolf hasn't had any LTR's in the last 10 years. He doesn't want any kids outside of our marriage and the few women he's dated don't want kids at this point in their lives either. He's seen it fuck up our friend's life when his SO had an affair and got pregnant by the other guy while he was recovering from spinal surgery. So he doesn't take that risk. Sure, we could have "the talk" but we don't need to because we actually do know each other well enough to expect that.
Just curious, then does Wendingo have outside relationships besides you?
__________________
keep on keeping on
Reply With Quote
  #186  
Old 08-15-2013, 03:17 PM
Nudge's Avatar
Nudge Nudge is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 27
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
It's an unspoken rule because, for us, because it's common sense. We are at the age of raising teenagers, not children. None of us wants anymore children and with anyone outside of the group, there is no proof that they are on birth control. So condoms it is.
Out of curiosity, have any of you considered vasectomy or tubal ligation? If you did, would it put an end to the 'unspoken rule'?
Reply With Quote
  #187  
Old 08-15-2013, 06:18 PM
Gabriella Gabriella is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 13
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lionessjlf View Post
I am very surprised that some people aren't using condoms! I am not only worried about pregnancy and sti's but then theres the bacterial and yeast infections. I am allergic to the antibiotics that treat a bacterial infections and let me tell you, not fun. If I ever came across a lover mine or his that refused to use them, they would no longer be in our world. I just can't believe it. Fluid bonding? Ugh, maybe I'm just a prude here but I can bond sexually without the fluid exchange. No thanks.
I'm not on the 'fluid-bonding' train either. My husband would love to safely do that, but it's not even a possibility on my radar. Thanks for saying so; I feel loss odd
Reply With Quote
  #188  
Old 08-15-2013, 11:31 PM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822
Default

To answer your questions, no, Wendigo doesn't have any outside relationships besides me. (He has one very long distance online D/s relationship, but they've never met in person and there are no plans for them to meet in person.)

I've thought about getting a tubal, but that would mean I'd get my period back and I NEVER want that back. I am on year 4 of my second IUD (9 years total) and have had 2 periods since getting put on the Depo shot when Runic Wolf and my son was 6 weeks old. If I'm getting fixed, it damn well better be the whole shebang. Even if Runic Wolf were to get fixed, he would still want to wear protection with any outside sexual partners because he doesn't want any STD's. Wendigo's wife would very much appreciate that she not catch something b/c of his relationship with us and did make that clear when she decided to stop being sexual with Runic Wolf and I (she decided she was mono 2 years ago).
Reply With Quote
  #189  
Old 08-15-2013, 11:38 PM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriella View Post
I'm not on the 'fluid-bonding' train either. My husband would love to safely do that, but it's not even a possibility on my radar. Thanks for saying so; I feel loss odd

I'm allergic to so many things it isn't even funny. I can tolerate latex, but am allergic to lube and spermacide, so condoms have always resulted in me breaking out in hives down there, which makes sex no fun at all. That means that I have to be more choosy and careful and Runic Wolf knows that since we spent our first 3 months dating (before I was on birth control) trying to figure out what condoms gave me the least reaction (or at least not an instant reaction) so that we could have all the sex we wanted before he left for basic training.
Reply With Quote
  #190  
Old 08-16-2013, 03:01 AM
Pretzels Pretzels is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 104
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
It's true, no one ever goes "OMG you gave me strep throat you whore". But even if someone was tested they could STILL carry the plague and not know it. There are such things as False Negative results & viruses do mutate. I'm not making this up; I am also not having sex with you, you, or you.
You know, the funniest thing about this statement is that, on my first go 'round with the husband in a rolling mess of polyamory, he DID give me strep throat. Again and again and again until the only course of action was a tonsillectomy because I had exhausted the various kinds of antibiotics I could be on, including that anti-anthrax one.

Of course, I didn't find out until later, until everything was over, that he could be a non-affected carrier.

Oh well. Carry on.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bareback, disease prevention, fluid bonding, poly fi, poly fidelity, safe sex, safer sex, sex, unsafe sex, unsafer sex

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:32 AM.