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  #171  
Old 08-11-2013, 09:16 PM
Flear Flear is offline
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i skipped over most the entire thread after the first page

i don't get the concern about focusing on condom use.
why is everyone so self-concious about it ?
why do people take it to be such a personal attack ?

why is it so personal "you don't trust me?" instead of "maybe you do, maybe i do, maybe it's just because to ease both of your minds so no one has to worry about the possibilities and just get down to enjoying each other" the unspoken consideration because no one wants to be called out on what they may or may not have. and instead of making it an issue, just play it safe, ... if no one has anything fine, then there's nothing to worry about, it's just habit, one of those "we just met, here's the bedroom, here's the bed, here's my body, here's a condom, ... now we can get to enjoying each other, the feel, the warmth, the closeness, the intense passion"

why make it a issue or think of it like a personal attack ?

i am 99% sure i don't have anything, but 1%, ... that's a huge number. so it's nothing against me, and i'm not bringing it up to say 'well i don't think your safe', just something to think about as 'you don't know who else i've been with' so to ease your mind, we don't have to question what either of us has or doesn't have.

---

personally, i've only got one lady i'm with.
and she is very safe about insisting the people she's with wear a condom, it's not an affront to say "i don't trust you", it's "just to make sure"

because it gets really scary if one person refuses to wear a condom, and he's seeing other people without a condom, and they're seeing other people without a condom, ... testing every 6mo, or testing every 3mo, ... how safe are you if 2 weeks after you get tested the other person didn't know they have something ? because they were tested a month before and it came up clean.

so it's not about trust, but thinking about it as "with this here rubber i hope to ease your conscious that things are going to be alright"

---

i see lots on these poly forums about insecurities being issues the person who is insecure needs to get over and deal with. having something isn't an insecurity, being insulted when no one said anything, nothing was implied, and no reason was given, ... that sounds like a huge insecurity to me.
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  #172  
Old 08-11-2013, 09:53 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flear View Post
why make it a issue or think of it like a personal attack ?
I don't know some people are funny about talking about sex...yeah even polys
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  #173  
Old 08-11-2013, 10:07 PM
Flear Flear is offline
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i can't deny that, ... i'm fine joking around about it, ... i'm fine talking about it, (with certain people), ... to doctors i'm not so easy talking about it, ... in the bedroom (of all places) i'm strangely quiet about 'talking' about it, ... things i gotta work on.
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  #174  
Old 08-12-2013, 04:25 AM
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
the unspoken rule is that if there is a potential to have sex with anyone outside the group you must use protection.
"Unspoken" rules generally get broken...
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  #175  
Old 08-12-2013, 02:41 PM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
"Unspoken" rules generally get broken...
Not if you date sensible people who have your best interests at heart. It's pretty obvious that sleeping with someone you don't know very well without a condom is risky and will put your fluid bonded partners at risk. Only someone selfish and disrespectful would knowingly put their loved one at risk of harm.
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  #176  
Old 08-12-2013, 02:45 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Aaah, the blessing that is the 'ignore' function....
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  #177  
Old 08-12-2013, 02:48 PM
london london is offline
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Aaah, the blessing that is the 'ignore' function....
yes, that sort of logic does often make people uncomfortable.
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  #178  
Old 08-12-2013, 03:56 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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It's really not that hard to say " hey, if you plan on having sex without condoms with others, let me know so we can reevaluate our protection use" it doesn't need to be an "unspoken rule"
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  #179  
Old 08-12-2013, 04:03 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
It's really not that hard to say " hey, if you plan on having sex without condoms with others, let me know so we can reevaluate our protection use" it doesn't need to be an "unspoken rule"
I don't even understand what an unspoken rule is, how can you have a rule if no one has even communicated it? Especially when it is about something so fundamental as sexual health...Personally I don't get how people can be so coy with people they are intimate with.
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  #180  
Old 08-12-2013, 10:19 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I never assume anyone has common sense lol. I had coworker once mop the floor without sweeping first because the chore list didn't say to. I had told my boss he forgot to add sweep to the lust but he said no one could be that dumb lol. I still give her shit about it :P
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